I have a family. We are a family. I bore these children, made from my own flesh and blood. I labor for them. I love them. I nursed them. I nourish them.
But, when I listened to President’s Nelson’s talk on the Sunday Morning Session of General Conference, I heard how my labor, nursing, and nourishing would be all in vain if we did not all make and keep the prescribed covenants that his heaven requires. In short, we would not be together in his heaven, because, as he himself stated,
“Salvation is an individual matter, but exaltation is a family matter.”
Families Can’t Be Together Forever?
The faint tune, “Families Can Be Together Forever,” started to replay in my mind; the familiar hymn sung by children and adults alike frequently in our church echoes the Prophet’s words. Suddenly, I came to the realization that just as our church teaches that families can be together forever, it is also the only church that teaches that families *can’t* be together forever. This is a sad heaven.
Author Deborah, from Sisters Quorum, put this concept especially eloquently, when she stated,
Christ Taught Of Love First And Foremost
President Nelson went on to say,
President Nelson, I don’t know about that. But what I do know is that Christ did say,
“This is my commandment, That ye love one another as I have loved you.”
(John 15:12)
I do know that Jesus taught of a heaven that leaves no one behind.
I do know that Jesus ministered to those who were un-ministerable.
I do know that Jesus embraced unconditional love.
Spiritual Coercion Is Not Of Christ
I also know that it is abusive to say and believe that your family will not be together when you die because of differences in beliefs, inability to conform, or unwillingness to make covenants. Life is not black and white. It is harmful to perpetuate this belief as universal truth.
As a single mother who has had no choice but to step away from the church for my own safety, my children (who still sometimes attend) are damaged and harmed when they hear this rhetoric, as it causes psychological trauma and is spiritually coercive and emotionally threatening. No mother should ever have to hear her child ask, “Why can’t we be in the same heaven, mommy?” It is not ok. And it is certainly not healthy. As a community health nurse, this is deeply concerning–ethically speaking, as it is indicative of an unhealthy institutional system. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints should not be in the business of spiritual alienation. But, as it appears, it most definitely is.
Heaven Will Be A Place Of Love Not Longing
I fully embrace the teachings of Jesus Christ, which is why I teach my children that nothing will separate us. Ever. Because this *is* what Christ taught. Heaven will be a place of love, not a place of longing. It will be a place of healing, not a place of hurting. It will be a place of well-being, not a place of wounding. It will be a place of peace, not a place of pain. It will be a place of tranquility, not a place of trauma. It will be a place of togetherness, not a place of terror. It will be a place of safety, not a place of separation. It will be a place of elation, not a place of encumbrance. It will be a place of goodness, not a place of grief.
A place where I can remember how I labored for my children. How I nursed each one. A place where I can continue to nourish them because they will be right there with me as a reminder of this love. A place where they can know that I am there always, because this is what children should know about the unmatched love their own parent has for them.
Yes, we will be together in my heaven. All of us. No matter what. Because, a sad heaven is not a place I want to go; our happy heaven is.
And we like our heaven better.
Lesley A. Butterfield
Lesley holds an RN, BSN from the University of Texas. Lesley has authored several published articles across a variety of platforms and is a frequent media contributor. She functions as a Community Health Nurse for vulnerable populations and serves as a survivor advocate for victims of abuse. She aims to raise awareness of the effects of trauma on individuals and how trauma impacts community systems. Lesley has certifications and training in Trauma-Informed Care, Community Advocacy, Faith and Spiritual Development, Familial Mental Health, Culturally Competent Care, Domestic Violence Awareness, and Resiliency Development. Lesley lives in Virginia with her 4 children and her really hyper chihuahua, named Chaos.
All posts by Lesley A. Butterfield
I get that this sounds nicer than the concept of repentance and adherence to the gospel of Jesus Christ as grounds for making it into heaven but how do you rationalize around when Christ says, “I came not to send peace, but a sword. For I am come to set a man at variance against his father…” Would this statement, according to you, not be considered “spiritual alienation”?
What you are saying seems like what Elder Holland referred to as “man creating God (and heaven) in his own image.”
Love is not all you need.
Profoundly true, Ryan. It was a tough call for Christ to sacrifice all for our eternal blessings. His perfect love provided one part unconditional: resurrection for all. The other side to that coin is exaltation and family via adherence to the laws which He instituted, some of which are “tough love” and repentance, which is reqd for those conditional blessings. Whether we like it or not. His sacrifice, His rules. Hence, the eternal blessings of His sacrifice require we accept both sides of the coin. It’s similar to the rules we apply when raising our kids.
Beautifully written, thank you for your faithfully declared testimony. To me this is fundamental. I have Heavenly Parents, they love me, they love my family, we will all live together in love in the hereafter. If that were not God, He would not be a eing in which I could place my trust.
I recall Elder Bowen of the seventy, talking about loosing his two year old child, and he said Heaven would not be heaven for him without that child. He said his joy would not be full until that day. I claim the same for my wife, for my mother, for a brother and a sister.
If this were not true I would not be able to trust God. I do trust God so I trust my family will be saved. I know by the spirit that I am right and if I am deceived then I join my voice with Joseph Smith who said: “let me be resurrected with the Saints [and with my family]*, whether I ascend to heaven or descend to hell, or go to any other place. And if we go to hell, we will turn the devils out of doors and make a heaven of it.”
* [] added
Beautifully said
Agreed.
Church members with lots of active children and grandchildren tend to be committed to the concept of exaltation as a family matter. Hence, the quote comes from President Nelson and not from President Monson, who had three children and apparently few grandchildren.
I prefer this quote from Dietrich Bonhoeffer: “I believe that with God it is such that all who loved each other on earth—genuinely loved each other—will remain together with God, for to love is part of God.”
I also have a few extended thoughts on the subject, as noted in the article linked below. If the link doesn’t respond, go to ldsplace.blogspot.com and click on: Pathway to heaven.
http://ldsplace.blogspot.com/2015/10/pathwayto-heaven-weoften-teach-that-if.html#Pathway
It’s strange to think that people don’t have free association in the afterlife. I don’t know why I couldn’t spend time with someone who wants to spend time with me. We may not be ‘sealed’, but we can still be together.
Of course we will be able to spend time with others not of our literal families in heaven. Just like here on Earth we all have families we live in a specific house but other families are near us associate with each other and US. Heaven will be so much better.
As if the LDS coined the phrase “Till death do you part” as part of the marriage ceremony. Duh, it was the non LDS that believe in separated families in the hereafter. But hey, up is down, black is white, good is evil in the eyes of the ungodly.
I am an “active non-traditional Mormon.” I listened to this talk with the same thoughts/feelings expressed in your post.
When we focus on Christ, we can find truth and discard that which doesn’t ring true to our personal moral authority. This goes for any message we receive from top leadership to a primary sunbeam.
Thanks for posting your thoughts!
President Nelson also wrote an article that was published in the February 2013 Ensign where he said.
“While divine love can be called perfect, infinite, enduring, and universal, it cannot correctly be characterized as unconditional.”
So between this article and his comments in Conference we have some idea of his belief on love and the next life. It seems as if he is okay with the concept that some, if not a lot, Mormon families will be separated in the next life.
I on the other hand found his remarks in this past Conference both unchristian and doctrinally flawed. As a long time member of the Church the concept of the covenant path, which replaced enduring to the end, is only one of number of doctrinal miscues that he has made of late. By the way I searched for the phrase covenant path and found the first reference was an article in the October 2006 Ensign by Elder Holland. The phrase was first used in General Conference by Elaine Dalton in April 2007 so President Nelson is just catching up.
I do however share with him the belief that the concept “of the enabling power of the atonement” to be one of the worst things Elder Bednar has ever come up with so I guess we have to take the bad with the good and try and make the best of it.
All the best,
Bob
Understanding the gospel is perhaps like a dot to dot puzzle, where the big picture is not seen until the dots are properly connected. We can learn truths, but they are just the dots and they are many. These dots are not numbered for the sake of simplicity. And we do not see all the dots at first.
God hides our understanding for wise reasons, another topic for another time. The means of connecting the dots is how understanding is withheld. It is an individual experience, whereas seeing the big picture cannot be transferred from one person to another. The dots can be shared and taught, but that is incomplete.
The solution to connecting the dots correctly is by the individuals strict observance in living according to what each dot represents, and on God’s timetable the Holy Ghost draws the lines for us to see. Hence, line upon line and precept upon precept as Isaiah taught.
As I understand the teachings of the Restored Gospel by the dots that are given, Heaven refers to the highest level of many kingdoms of glory. Each level of glory is governed by laws, and it is by observance to those laws that the glory (happiness) is established. The highest level we know as the Celestial. It applies the fullness of laws that govern a fullness of joy. That is where families are blessed. This sphere exists because those who reside there abide by the laws which make it possible. We learn how to abide by those laws in this life, if that is what we choose to do with our free will. And in so doing we receive gradual glimpses of seeing more and more of that big picture, as the Holy Ghost reveals those lines that connect the dots.
To suggest or envision that we can gather together in Heaven as families, without enduring the refining trials that purge our desires to misuse the dots of truth we know of, would dissolve the existence of that Heavenly Home. We set values high to raise the level of our actions. That is what promotes peace and prosperity. The Celestial Kingdom is the highest of values combined. If we lower those values, our actions follow suit. And the trend to lower values grow. We regress to the state of matter unorganized.
Families can be forever. It is our choice.
A friend of mine was at the MTC when President Ballard came to visit and talk about the new-at-the-time Preach My Gospel manual. One of the first drafts included our traditional rendition of the Plan of Salvation diagram. President Packer said, “You can’t diagram the plan,” and it was taken out.
We have a lot to learn about eternity. Thank you for your perspective. I wrote a little something on this too. I think more of us are catching on. 🙂
https://apathofmyown.com/our-earthly-home-for-time-and-all-eternity/
It’s sad that we follow the same pattern as that of the Israelites. The reality is that God is the Same Yesterday, Today and Forever. If you study the true doctrine of Christ, found in the book of mormon, Then you see patterns clearly laid out. Ordinances in Temples by flawed men do not save us. It is all symbolic just as in Christ’s day. The Jews completely missed the mark and so do the LDS’s today. It a pattern, just as Moses and Joseph Smith. People are supposed to seek Christ, receive him and hear from him that they are redeemed from the Fall. No servant stands at the Gate, ONLY Christ.
So, your feelings are correct, what Nelson is saying is wrong. However, salvation is only attained through seeking earnestly as all the examples and patterns show in the scriptures, through keeping the New and Everlasting covenant which is a broken heart and contrite Spirit. Then one receives the Baptism of Fire and of The Holy Ghost, this is Redemption from the Fall, Then Christ appears and guides you. This is clearly laid out in almost ALL the prophets lives.
The church has created it’s own doctrine and members think they are saved for eternity because a man behind a desk asked some questions and a stranger at an alter proclaimed some statements. Really? That’s the pattern for salvation? Why would by salvation be bought at such a lesser price than Abraham, Moses, Nephi, Enos, Brother of Jared, and Joseph Smith etc..???
Love is all it takes, but its perfect love for Christ that causes us the have the broken heart and contrite spirit, then we sacrifice all, even our Children to obey him and serve him. Anything we place between us and Christ is an Idol. Whether that be a Prophet or our Children.
If we desire to be with out Children for eternity, then we must teach them the True Doctrine of Christ so they may attain as the Fathers have. (Abraham, Issac and Jacob) A witness from God himself that they receive redemption from the fall and are sons and daughters of Christ.
If we have not heard from Christ’s mouth that we are redeemed, then we are not!
3 Nephi 9:20 And ye shall offer for a sacrifice unto me a broken heart and a contrite spirit. And whoso cometh unto me with a broken heart and a contrite spirit, him will I baptize with fire and with the Holy Ghost, even as the Lamanites, because of their faith in me at the time of their conversion, were baptized with fire and with the Holy Ghost,
2 Nephi 2:6 Wherefore, redemption cometh in and through the Holy Messiah; for he is full of grace and truth.7 Behold, he offereth himself a sacrifice for sin, to answer the ends of the law, unto all those who have a broken heart and a contrite spirit; and unto none else can the ends of the law be answered.8 Wherefore, how great the importance to make these things known unto the inhabitants of the earth,
3 Nephi 12:19 And behold, I have given you the law and the commandments of my Father, that ye shall believe in me, and that ye shall repent of your sins, and come unto me with a broken heart and a contrite spirit. Behold, ye have the commandments before you, and the law is fulfilled.
Ether 4:15 Behold, when ye shall rend that veil of unbelief which doth cause you to remain in your awful state of wickedness, and hardness of heart, and blindness of mind, then shall the great and marvelous things which have been hid up from the foundation of the world from you—yea, when ye shall call upon the Father in my name, with a broken heart and a contrite spirit, then shall ye know that the Father hath remembered the covenant which he made unto your fathers, O house of Israel.
2 Nephi 4:32 May the gates of hell be shut continually before me, because that my heart is broken and my spirit is contrite!
Heleman 8:15 And as many as should look upon that serpent should live, even so as many as should look upon the Son of God with faith, having a contrite spirit, might live, even unto that life which is eternal. 16 And now behold, Moses did not only testify of these things, but also all the holy prophets, from his days even to the days of Abraham
Moroni 6:2,4 Neither did they receive any unto baptism save they came forth with a broken heart and a contrite spirit, ..4 And after they had been received unto baptism, and were wrought upon and cleansed by the power of the Holy Ghost,..
2 Nephi 31:2 Wherefore, the things which I have written sufficeth me, save it be a few words which I a must speak concerning the doctrine of Christ; ..13,, yea, by following your Lord and your Savior down into the water, according to his word, behold, then shall ye receive the Holy Ghost; yea, then cometh the baptism of fire and of the Holy Ghost; and then can ye speak with the tongue of angels, and shout praises unto the Holy One of Israel.
2 nephi 31:17.. that ye might know the gate by which ye should enter. For the gate by which ye should enter is repentance and baptism by water; and then cometh a remission of your sins by fire and by the Holy Ghost
2 Nephi 31:21 And now, behold, my beloved brethren, this is the away; and there is none other way nor name given under heaven whereby man can be saved in the kingdom of God. And now, behold, this is the doctrine of Christ, and the only and true doctrine of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost, which is one God, without end. Amen.
2 Nephi 32:5-6 For behold, again I say unto you that if ye will enter in by the way, and receive the Holy Ghost, it will show unto you all things what ye should do. 6 Behold, this is the doctrine of Christ, and there will be no more doctrine given until after he shall a manifest himself unto you in the flesh. And when he shall manifest himself unto you in the flesh, the things which he shall say unto you shall ye observe to do.
3 Nephi 11: 40 And whoso shall declare more or less than this, and establish it for my doctrine, the same cometh of evil, and is not built upon my rock;
2 Nephi 2:
6 Wherefore, aredemption cometh in and through the bHoly cMessiah; for he is full of dgrace and truth.
7 Behold, he offereth himself a asacrifice for sin, to answer the ends of the law, unto all those who have a broken heart and a contrite spirit; and unto none else can the ends of the law be answered.
Love cannot be divided, excluded, or separated. Imperfect humans project a God like themselves because they cannot comprehend what true, infinite, unconditional love is. They still put conditions on it!! it is unfathomable, to me, the idea of a God that would turn anyone away because of belief during a brief mortal life. Love never lets go. Period. When we humans stop separating ourselves out through such selfish judgments and realize we, as well as all creation, is an expression of the Divine, we will look to unite in our diversity and spread the true love of Christ and seek to lift all and release our domination systems.