When I was graduating from high school I applied to BYU. In the interview with my bishop (a BYU grad who met his wife there and whose children aspired to attend there), he asked why he should endorse me. We talked about my academic and other accomplishments before he asked, “But why should you get a spot over someone else. Imagine a new teenage convert from Georgia who is also applying. There are no other Mormons at their high school and the largest gathering of Mormons they’ve ever attended was a few hundred. Why should you get in over them?”
“I shouldn’t!” I replied. Having grown up in a Mormon family in the Intermountain West, I had plenty of friends and peers in the Church and knew I would do fine outside of a Church school. He agreed. We talked a bit more about other aspects of the school and he counseled me to attend one of the small liberal arts schools I was pursuing. He still recommended me and I was accepted with a scholarship. I didn’t attend and appreciated his frankness with me.
I have never had a problem paying tithing. Considering all the Church has provided for me, my family, and others I love, giving back seemed reasonable. Yes, the temples are expensive but they’re also spiritually meaningful to me. Yes, there are occasional signs of extravagance, but also buildings in areas where local members would never be able to afford them. I served a mission that cost more than what my parents paid. I rejoice in the good the Church does with fast offering and humanitarian funds, even as I sometimes worry that this makes it too easy to pat ourselves on the back or let us individually off the hook. I wish there was greater transparency in the handling of funds and more independence for the Relief Society and other auxiliaries, as they enjoyed in the past. But I also understand that running a multinational corporation is complicated and that transparency isn’t always clarity.
I’ve also never really had a problem with the fact that some of that tithing money went to BYU. Though it wasn’t the school for me, I have plenty of my friends and in-laws who attended and had a good experience. Keeping the cost low opened educational doors that might otherwise have been closed. I value education (I’m a teacher with the PhD) and understand that there are many people who would benefit from the atmosphere of a church school. Basically, I imagined funding the kind of place that would be a great strength to that hypothetical Georgian convert my bishop had introduced me to.
But now I wonder, What if that hypothetical convert was a woman who was victimized?
I picture her arriving at BYU, excited about her new faith and the prospect of attending with so many thousands of fellow Mormons, more than she’d ever seen in her life. She signs the Honor Code with a mixture of pride and reverence, glad to be attending this place that is now her spiritual and educational home.
Then, one way or another, things go awry. She gets caught in a place she shouldn’t be at a time she shouldn’t be or in violation – or potential violation – of some other portion of the Honor Code. And in that moment, a man abuses her. He rapes her or sexually assaults her or abuses her in some other way. And because of her fear of leaving this place – this place she believed was safe – she doesn’t report what has happened to her. A document she thought was part of what made BYU special instead becomes part of what imprisons her. She becomes, because of how BYU chooses to handle such situations, a double victim – of both her attacker and her school.
As the recent Salt Lake Tribune coverage makes clear, this isn’t just hypothetical. All the worst parts have come true for BYU’s students.
So, for the first time in my life, paying tithing is giving me pause. Can I continue to contribute to an institution that does this to my sisters? That does this to children of God while simultaneously claiming to be run by His Church in accordance with His standards? Recognizing that there are no perfect earthly institutions, how should I weigh the good the Church does against the damage this Church school is doing to it’s own students? My part in the school’s budget is small, but then so is my part in the good of temples, missions, fast offering funds, and humanitarian aid.
If I’m supposed to be giving this money (back) to God, can I entrust it to the Church that operates BYU? How do I decide? How do you?
although this makes me pause, I think if we question every church expenditure and whether we want to support it each month, we will run into trouble.
Sure, we could nitpick every expenditure to death. But this feels different, to me. I was in a bishopric once and and had to make budgeting decisions. I’m sure I wasn’t perfect at it. But supporting a schools that’s doing this to their students tugs at my heart.
I understand what you’re saying, but I have to ask this. Don’t the shareholders have a right to know what’s being done with the monies collected? This is a business as well as a church, obviously. So even though it wouldn’t be useful to “question” every expenditure I sure think that there should be transparency regarding the use of large sums of money used for shopping malls, highrises, the building of communities, etc. Just my opinion.
Fair enough. I think a lot of people share your perspective.
I think this is just the tip of the iceberg.
I so wish the BYU leadership would QUICKLY correct this. As time goes on, I think more victims are going to come forward and the press is going to eat it up (as they should). If BYU reacts quickly it can be forgiven for just being a bit late to fix (or even recognize) the problem. But if they wait long enough, most all of the goodwill for it changing will be gone from those outside of the church. It will clearly look like, “If you want those Mormons to change on any thing, you have to pound the hell out of them as they stubbornly hold on to the foolish traditions of their father.” (OK, the last part of the sentence was translated into BOM terms, not non-LDS terms. Go ahead and verbally smite me – oops – I did it again).
Please BYU – correct this soon. I don’t want all those BYU diplomas to lose their value.
If it wasn’t for my wife, I would be backing off (completely?) on my tithing also – for this and other issue that are just eating at my soul.
I do sometimes wonder if on items like this I will get to the judgement bar and Christ will ask me, “I let them mess up to see if you would listen to my spirit and step up and say something.” I don’t want to go to that encounter with a backpack full of unforgiven sins, but I also worry about the other half of the equations of things he wanted me to DO.
I wish they would move quickly, too. I saw that they’ve now created a website to gather suggestions to be reviewed by a panel they appointed. Such slow change, especially after protests that offered solutions. Have they not reviewed any in the last month?
I share your concerns about judgment day. If we are expected to “do much good of our own free will,” then I don’t think “I just went along with the church” will be a good case in the next life.
“You can’t be neutral on a moving train” “”To Be Neutral, To Be Passive In A Situation Is To Collaborate With Whatever Is Going On” – Howard Zinn
🙂 I don’t usually take spiritual direction from Zinn (just like I don’t usually take my historical direction from him). I think his definition of ‘neutral’ is different than mine would be. The Church does so much that paying in isn’t neutrality as much as very, very complicated.
This is a very sore subject for me. My grandfather was a Mormon for several years. He thought he really had found his true religious niche and made a very good, lifelong friend at the church. My grandparents, however lived basically in a state one level above poverty and were it not for us helping them out every month, they would have been destitute. Social security doesn’t pay much. When he had to finally choose between continuing to tithe or buy them what little food he could afford, he of course had to choose food. When his church learned that he could no longer afford to tithe, instead of trying to do the right thing and lend a helping hand, he was kicked out of and excommunicated from the church. He was devastated. He was a devout member of this church and to have them hypocritically stab him in the back out of sheer greed is abominable. Not a very Godly thing to do, or example to live by. The original point of tithing was supposed to be something that was meant to help out people like my grandpa, not line the pockets of greedy, religious officials for their personal use or to build fancy buildings. Sadly, this is the case for most religions, not just the Mormons.
Thanks for sharing your personal experience. I’m glad we’ve moved away from that practice, even as I think we have a lot of work to do on the subject of excommunication.
Jason,
The Church spent somewhere between $3B – $5B on a mall. A MALL. The Church has members suffering from malnutrition – and it’s building a palace for the LDS elite to SHOP. Really? Now, you’re worried about girls who go to BYU, get drunk or stoned, or who invite boys into their bedrooms, and then get raped. OK. That’s very sad. They don’t deserve what happened but they were not thinking things through and bad things happen when you behave stupidly (and dishonestly – they did, on their honor, sign something saying they’d not do things like that). If you’re not going to pay tithing, stop paying because the Church leaders are behaving very badly in the use of sacred funds. BYU will work through this and find a better solution. Will the Church leaders do the same with the sacred funds entrusted to them? Not so far…
I think we just have different priorities here. Spending a fraction of their budget to build a mall/revitalize the Temple Square area < creating a climate where it is easier to be doubly-victimized by sexual assault.
There's also far too much victim-blaming in your comment for me. Women (and men) doing their best to live the Honor Code can still be assaulted and still find the possibility of an Honor Code investigation terrifying. Bad things happen to us regardless of whether we "behave stupidly." Besides which, being alone in bedrooms with boys is neither a sin nor a cause of rape. I think you're comment reflects exactly the kind of thinking that has gotten BYU into trouble here: "We're sorry for what happened to them, but they really should have known better" is why victims of sexual assault have had their files sent to the Honor Code office, making them suspect because they were victims. I'm done with that.
You know it was corrupt government police officers that were sharing these reports, not BYU police–sharing rape reports with honor code office is not BYU policy or practice.
Also, are you aware of any university of this size with a lower rape rate (even correcting for unreported)?
Actually, it turns out today that BYU police did share rape reports and that the Honor Code office requested such from the BYU police. While the investigation is ongoing into how widespread this practice was, from the tone of the email regarding the case that started the Tribune’s reporting, it appears that at least one member of the office believed such sharing was commonly expected. For example, here’s an email from an Honor Code counselor to a member of the BYU police department:
“Hi Aaron, I just took a report alleging that one of our students (Madison Barney) has falsely accused a community member … of rape.” http://www.sltrib.com/news/3956084-155/state-investigating-how-byu-police-access
That indicates, to me, a serious problem.
As for other universities, my money doesn’t go to them. Just saying “others have it worse!” is no argument for not addressing the problems at BYU.