Though Mormons don’t like to outright say it, it’s pretty clear that it won’t be too long before we’ll have some new apostles among the 12. While it is a futile effort to try and guess with any accuracy who will be selected to fill any vacancies, a few of us here at Rational Faiths (Laurel, Leah Marie, and Thomas) thought we would ask the question: If the various Mormon contingencies could present possible candidates for apostleship, who would they choose?
Baby Boomers:
John Bytheway
Donnie Osmond
Michael Ballam
TBMs:
“Whomever the Lord chooses… In other words, one of my distant family members”.
Cultural Mormons:
Whatevs.
Progressive Mormons:
Richard Bushman
Terryl and Fiona Givens (both of them)
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Pope Francis
Pragmatic Heterodoxical Slightly Agnostic New Order Mormons
Jonathan Haidt
Brene Brown
Extreme Right Wing Mormons:
Alex Jones
Glen Beck
Daniel C. Peterson
EFY Youth:
Jeffrey R. Holland Clone #1
Jeffrey R. Holland Clone #2
Jeffrey R. Holland Clone #3
FAIR Mormon:
Brian Hales
Ralph Hancock
Ordain Women:
Alice Paul
Carrie Chapman Catt
Why would they choose 20th-century feminist figures for apostleship instead of modern women? Because they understand that the church is usually about 90 years behind.
Mormon Women Stand:
“Who did OW say? NOT them.”
Nerd Mormons:
Captain Jean Luc Picard
Yoda
Splinter
Exmos:
John Dehlin
Denver Snuffer
Jeremy Runnells
Nursery Kids:
Batman
Caillou
Beanie Babies
Ogden 26th Ward Beehive Class:
David Archuleta
Laurel Sandberg-Armstrong
Laurel is an actress and voice-over artist who lives with her husband and toddler in a soon-to-be-lovely little duplex (we're working on it) just outside Minneapolis. Like many Mormons her age, she enjoys stuff and doing things, and hopes that she can get even better at stuff so she can be a professional doer of things. She also thinks she maybe should not have written her bio when she was so tired.
All posts by Laurel Sandberg-Armstrong
This is magic. Splinter gets my vote.
Ha! This is excellent!
Great opportunity to not take myself too seriously. Laughing out loud at this. Perhaps the funniest part is I would likely be happy with 23-25 of the 29 proposed–I'll let you guess which.
I don’t know why I’m slightly sad that there are 5 cartoon characters and only 4 women on this list–one of which is a package deal with a man. Siiiiigh
Not trying to be rude, but what are you proposing? About half of the groups we used are super orthodox (FAIR Mormon, EFY Youth, Baby Boomers, extreme right wingers) and would likely not pick a woman, and that’s part of the joke. The ones that include women (OW, progressive mormons), one features 2 long deceased individuals and the Givens, which is intentionally unlikely and silly. Proposing Brene Brown and Jonathan Haidt is patently absurd as neither will ever be Mormon unless something really weird happens. The point of the post was to tease all the various groups in Mormonism, not to make our own list of who we would want.
I get your sentiment, but I think there are other posts that are more worth your slight sadness than one that says Yoda and Splinter will be the next apostles.
Compare that with 18 men (only counting one Jeffrey R Holland)
Annnnnnd most everyone is white.
The sad truth is that the white, maleness of it is reflective of who these groups would choose. That is as much a commentary on the culture as anything else… although admittedly less funny.
My group gave two nominations. One female, one male. Just sayin.
And both are equally as likely to become an apostle as Splinter and Yoda.
Thomas,
wah wah waaaaah.
Thanks you wet blanket.
Please. Please. Not Caillou. Anyone but Caillou.
Opal,
Want to see diversity in apostleship? Check this out:
https://ddonblog2.wordpress.com/2014/05/08/diversity-in-leadership/