I work hard to be publicly positive. I tend toward depression, and I found I was much happier when I distanced myself from current events news and activism that is just about trying to get my voice heard. I look for ways to do things with more immediate effects, because that makes me happy. Calling for peace in Iraq before the second Gulf War and campaigning for politicians I didn’t personally know mostly just made me frustrated, anxious, and sad. But I’m about to join another activist movement, because I’m really sad, today, and I really care.
I believe in ongoing revelation. I believe that the leaders of the LDS church are called by God, and that they most likely seek and receive revelation from God on a daily basis. I’ve known people who did, like my amazing mission president, Halvor Clegg. He also taught us a lot about how revelation works. You have to ask the right question. You have to stay focused on the question. You have to interpret the answer correctly, so if the question isn’t constructed well, the answer might be really ambiguous (if one even comes). You have to be humble and willing to do whatever God asks. Sometimes even Seventies don’t get the right answers, so you listen attentively, and then you go do whatever God wants you to do. Maybe it’s what the Seventy said, and maybe it’s not.
I have resisted posting a profile with Ordain Women. I want women to have the priesthood. I don’t see any theological barriers to it, and I think it would make the LDS church better in both predictable and unpredictable ways. But I’ve been willing to hold back, assuming that our leaders are aware of the complex issues involved with such a social change, and hoping that they really have been praying about it–despite the public silence on the question. They almost never tell us what they pray about, and I’m mostly fine with that. So, giving them the benefit of the doubt, I trust the Lord is directing His church and get on with the little practical service I manage to do and the too many apologetic, speculative, theological blog posts that I obsess about.
This General Conference has broken my internal stalemate. It’s going to take me a bit to pull the pictures together and maybe make a video, but I’m going to put up a profile with Ordain Women. The public answer given to the Ordain Women movement appears to be: We will not ask because the answer has already been given–Men are to have the priesthood.
I speak to the air and to my friends and family, because I don’t expect this question to be answered, but I plead to my church leaders–Tell us that you are praying about women’s ordination. Tell us what you are asking. Tell us that the answers are unclear, or even contradictory among you, and that you are continuing to seek illumination and unity on this troubling subject. Or tell us what you have prayed for and that you have received a decisive, unified answer. Give me a reason to trust you on this issue. If I knew you had asked, and I knew what you had asked, I would pray about it again, and I would do my best to follow what God told me. I choose to continue to trust you in my life, including ignoring a few pieces of your counsel that have been hurtful to me or others, but I fear that my children will not. I fear that they will grow up and never experience the joys of Mormonism that I have felt. I fear this immensely.
It may be possible to blame me in this loss. Everything I teach my children will be colored by my feelings of exclusion and marginalization. As I feel that my leaders are not representing people that I love to God, but are only dictating partially understood messages downward toward us, I am unable to speak the same sincere reverence for living prophets I have long felt. As I turn from hurtful teachings about modesty and sexuality toward my own moral authority that has made my life happier and richer, I can’t teach my children to rely on the church for correct guidance on these issues. I can’t teach them the trust I grew up with and that has enriched my life in so many ways. I have to give them a more complicated truth, and I don’t think they are developmentally ready for it. Without that indoctrination while they are young, I’m not sure they will have the patience to stay when they start to care about moral issues where the church is imperfect.
As I feel that God has revealed to humans demonstrable and measurable truths about how equality makes societies happier, more peaceful, and safer for women, yet my leaders reject these measurable truths, I find myself echoing Stirling Talmadge, geologist and son of James E. Talmadge, who said:
Without multiplying instances in support of this contention, I feel justified in claiming that no man, whatever his ecclesiastical position, ever was or ever can be justified in dogmatizing regarding those physical things that are amenable to measurement or scientific investigation; and, if he has made the mistake of so dogmatizing, he has no right to cast an irreligious accusation against the man who, by research and measurement, finds out the facts that show the dogma to be false. Such dogmatism has probably contributed more than any other single factor to the apparent rift between science and religion. But if any system of theology insists on holding to dogmas contrary to demonstrated facts, the scientist who knows the facts cannot accept such a system and be honest with himself. Due to such a cause, many a scientist has found his faith destroyed; but the destruction was brought about by the untruthful dogmas and not by the truths revealed by his scientific measurements.
What was once true of evolution is now becoming true of social issues. We are better at measuring social effects of organizational policies. Putting women in charge in significant numbers makes science better and more creative. It makes businesses more competitive. It makes countries more peaceful. It makes workplaces safer for women. It will make our churches safer for women. I am unaware of studies reporting any measurable harms that have sometimes been predicted by nay-sayers when women’s rights have been advocated. I don’t want Mormonism to lose my children, or my children to lose Mormonism. It’s already lost my sister and her family–largely over women’s rights. I don’t want to lose more, because Mormonism is my life. It is all truth. It is the Zion I hope to build. It is the great hope for humanity. It is the loving God who revealed Himself to a boy and who promises to reveal Himself to each of us. I hope I can give my children the faith to hope and wait. But right now I’m sad and afraid.
Jonathan Cannon
Jonathan lives in rural Georgia with his wife and three boys, teaching Chemistry and enjoying the good people of his community. He studied Molecular Biology at Brigham Young University, and Biophysics at the University of Wisconsin, Madison. Jonathan is passionate about fatherhood, teaching and learning, Mormonism, and dance (he's much better at the first three), and dabbles in home repairs, various crafts, poetry, music, gardening, and Transhumanism. He has enjoyed many years working in Primary, with Young Adults and Ward Missions in various capacities. He currently enjoys serving in his ward and community however he is able. He posts on whatever interests him at the moment at http://jonathan.metacannon.net/
All posts by Jonathan Cannon
I appreciate this post so much, Jonathon. Thank you.
Wow. Very powerful.
“I speak to the air and to my friends and family, because I don’t expect this question to be answered, but I plead to my church leaders–Tell us that you are praying about women’s ordination. Tell us what you are asking. Tell us that the answers are unclear, or even contradictory among you, and that you are continuing to seek illumination and unity on this troubling subject. Or tell us what you have prayed for and that you have received a decisive, unified answer. Give me a reason to trust you on this issue. If I knew you had asked, and I knew what you had asked, I would pray about it again, and I would do my best to follow what God told me.”
and THIS:
“I have to give them a more complicated truth”
At times I remember what it was like to just not know all this stuff and to just have this very clear simple understanding of the church. When it wasn’t so complicated….
I loved reading this. Thanks so much for your thoughtful and honest comments.
Great and thoughtful post, Jonathan. Wouldn’t it be great if the leaders would let us in on what they pray for, what questions they’re asking, what exactly is the inspiration/revelation they are/aren’t seeking?
I would love this. It’s exactly what my mission president did, and it was so powerful. He not only told us the answers, but the very specific questions he asked.
Fantastic and compassionate. I tend to agree that a just, loving God would want equality, regardless of gender.
I really appreciated this post. Thank you.
Heartfelt and so sincere. I told one of my boys (age 36) yesterday that I didn’t think I could raise kids in the Mormon culture today; the challenges of combining truth with Mormonism are overwhelming. I feel much like you do, Jonathan.
Honest and raw. Thank you for pupblicly sharing your private struggle.
“. . . I feel that God has revealed to humans demonstrable and measurable truths about how equality makes societies happier, more peaceful, and safer for women, yet my leaders reject these measurable truths . . . ” This is troubling, indeed. I love the Talmadge quote. Well done. God bless.
Apologies, that was with regard to:
“I can’t teach my children to rely on the church for correct guidance on these issues. I can’t teach them the trust I grew up with and that has enriched my life in so many ways. I have to give them a more complicated truth, and I don’t think they are developmentally ready for it. Without that indoctrination while they are young, I’m not sure they will have the patience to stay when they start to care about moral issues where the church is imperfect.”
Thank you for your post.
I can still teach them trust in many things, so I hope I can put off some of these issues until they are old enough to handle some nuance. Unfortunately, other circumstances besides simply my relationship with my children are intervening to make that option problematic. I guess that’s one area where I have to trust in Atonement and the goodness and intelligence of my children.
I wish you all the best. The future of your children can feel heavy.
Jonathan,
These two lines haunt me even as I write:
“I can’t teach them the trust I grew up with and that has enriched my life in so many ways. I have to give them a more complicated truth, and I don’t think they are developmentally ready for it.”
I just poured my heart out to my 15 year old two days ago over the difficulty in teaching him a different approach to faith than the one I was given. Even in assuring him that he had to make his own choices, follow his own inner liahona, I feared that I was leaving him adrift on uneven waters. The uncertainty of faith is so much more discomfiting than the surety of dogma. But, if my experience is any evidence, also profoundly more rewarding.
Thank you for this hope. I do find hope in trusting my children will grow and be wise and good.
Thanks for this post. While I mostly don’t share the same sentiment regarding the OW movement, there are many things you said that mirror feelings I’ve had related to the church in general.
For now, I pray that those seeking answers will find them – but I can’t see this ending well for many people. Welcome to the last days, I suppose.
I have had trouble articulating some of my thoughts. I identify with this so deeply and it is very validating. Thank you for this post. I am sorry that you have to feel this pain, but I hope you know that even still it brings me great comfort. Hopefully we can all continue to stand together.
Interesting idea. Not exactly sure how practical the prophet and apostles telling us all the things they’re praying for is though. What if the question I want an answer to isn’t on the list. Seems like we’d all end up back in the same boat – with internet groups springing up complaining that they’re not praying for XYZ. “Why isn’t there a temple in ___?”.
Perhaps we should all pray for Heavenly Father to communicate his will to the Prophet – whatever the subject matter.
That being said, patiently waiting with faith for an answer is difficult as an adult, and even more difficult to teach to children who are used to getting answers as quick as they can type.
Please don’t misread my intent. The post was very thought provoking and worth reading more than once.
Darryl, I think your response is gentle and pragmatic, and I appreciate it. I don’t think it is practical for the Brethren to tell us everything they think and ask. There are a few reasons I think exceptions could exist.
1. The vast majority of what they teach I agree with, finds ample evidence in revelation, history and/or science, and I don’t think requires this kind of explanation.
2. This subject is very controversial scientifically (with scientific evidence falling strongly on one side), is very problematic historically and scripturally (with historical abuses from patriarchy, and evidences of women serving functions we typically think of as priesthood functions in the modern church), and is ambiguous in modern revelation (with women receiving the priesthood in the temple, being called to be priests by Joseph Smith, and exercising many current priesthood functions in the early church).
3. More than one of our leaders found the topic important enough to spend time in General Conference addressing it directly or indirectly. This time could have been used to communicate with us about the process they have followed in seeking revelation on the subject.
I truly believe they felt inspired to say the things they did, and I’d lay odds on that the inspiration came from God. I doubt every word was inspired, and I have no idea what process was behind that inspiration. I don’t know what data they considered or what questions they asked. Since both of those influence the revelations we receive, I end up in a ‘my revelation v. their revelation’ situation in my head. I know what data I considered, what questions I asked, and what answers I have and haven’t received. While I’m still uncertain in many ways, I know a problem exists, and I know one kind of thing that needs to happen to fix it–more equality needs to exist structurally in our policies and teachings. I don’t know how or when God wants to make the needed changes, and I am personally willing to wait. Waiting would be easier for me, and possible for some others, if we knew that dialogue was happening and what dialogue was happening. Talks like at least 3 given at conference say to OW, “We hear you, but we don’t understand you.” This understanding is what I hope we can find.
Thanks for this sad and beautiful post. It expresses how I feel about teaching the gospel to my kids. I love what the gospel did for me; I wish my kids to have that. And yet I know that what I teach them will inevitably be colored by the pain and hurt I feel to see the dogmas pushing aside the measurable evidence.
Source on that quote? It is beautiful.
Can Science Be Faith Promoting by Stirling Talmage. I’ll have to look up the publisher and page number. My copy is in a box right now. The book is really fun. Most of it was written to be a Sunday School lesson manual (too bad it was never accepted), and it wasn’t published until the 1990s or early 2000s. The end contains some correspondence between Stirling Talmage and others (including Joseph Fielding Smith) on the subject of Evolution.
Really great post. I feel the same angst about what/how to teach my kids. In fact I’ve been losing a lot of sleep over such things since conference last weekend. I’m barely hanging on to my faith as it is, and while part of me wants my kids to have the same (mostly good) experience I did as a kid, I also cringe at some of the things that are inculcated even in the Primary curriculum (gender roles and such). To me, OW is clearly right, and leaders like Elder Oaks are clearly wrong. But it’s one thing for me to believe that and another to try to explain it to my kids!
This post is wonderful, Jonathan! Beautifully articulated. And I really like your decision to cast your lot with OW.
Great post! Thanks for your thoughts here. I’m curious about where you live in GA. My brother is headed to the Atlanta, GA North mission (spanish speaking). I’d love to have you convert him to Mormon feminism as I’ve been unable to do so. 🙂
Central Georgia–Macon mission. Mike C from ZD is probably in the North Atlanta mission, but not a Spanish branch. I have Spanish speaking friends who just moved N of Atlanta, but they probably don’t know what Mormon Feminism is. But your brother will have plenty of time to convert to feminism. 19 is young.
I had Pres. Clegg at the MTC in the Dominican Republic for six weeks. He emphasized the same.
I have mixed feelings in remembering him. His confidence and surety were bolstering as a new missionary. He had all of the answers. But now, that I understand the world to be more complex, it feels sad.