Being a member of the Church can be a lot like being in a MMORPG video game. Ward buildings are the inns you go to to refresh yourself and talk to fellow questers, certain NPCs are so repetitive they could be interchangeable, and when you visit other locations, the coding is usually so similar, you forget you’re not at home-base.
Also, there’s a lot of boredom and frustration. Maybe you aren’t leveling up fast enough, and your area seems to be permanently set on low-level grinding quests. Maybe no one understands how to use your unique build because it doesn’t match what they’ve seen before, so you have to do a lot of solo questing. Maybe you’re so OP for your area, everyone wants to do quests with you, and you crave alone time.
Well worry no more! Here at Rational Faiths, I’ve provided the top essential Church mods to make your playing/living experience more enjoyable. With some thanks from Thomas and Lori for a few suggestions, here they are:
MLM curse Mod
If another player approaches you to join their multi-level-marketing guild, they will be cursed. The curse varies depending on location, (for example, players at BYU are cursed with a UofU tattoo), but it usually results in social ostracizing to discourage further recruitment.
Silver Fox Mod
This mod is very popular among female players, especially when high council speakers are assigned to sacrament meeting. This mod turns every male speaker into a handsome German with great hair, twinkling eyes, and a charming accent. Many have expressed interest in extending this mod to General Conference.
Inspired by a mod previously used for general conference, this new mod turns all speakers into LOLcats and their talks into LOLcat-speak. This is great for getting younger players to pay attention, though some nuances might be lost in translation.
Virtueal Protection Mod
There are many in-game warnings about virtue-thieves. If a player is not properly protected, other players can steal their virtue. As virtue-thieves are almost always female players, this mod was made to protect defenseless male players from their tactics by blurring out any exposed midriffs, cleavage, thighs, shoulders, knees, sensuous hairstyles, or any clothing that reveal a player is female. Female players that just happen to be inherently attractive will also be blurred out, and any “sexy” voices will be replaced by a universal primary voice.
We’re Not at a Funeral Unless it’s Awesome Mod
Though this mod is one of the most simple, it is also one of the most popular. Tempos of all hymns are increased and “Hail to the Prophet” includes bagpipes.
Originally created to make gameplay more challenging, some players insist they don’t notice any difference except for an increase in players and NPCs quoting from “The Miracle of Forgiveness.”
Pink Moccasins Mod
Inspired by Carol Lynn Pearson’s essay, this popular feminist mod flips the gender of all leaders and anyone mentioned in scriptures, talks or lessons. This has often been accidentally downloaded by individuals looking for the “Pink Mohawks Mod” which replaces Utah hair with pink 80’s mohawks. Men who accidentally download the Pink Moccasins Mod are usually quick to delete it, as it makes them feel ignored during gameplay.
All quads are turned into a bunch of carrots. This is especially amusing when a teacher asks the class to turn to a specific scripture, and everyone scurries through their bunch to read the word of God off of a large root vegetable. BONUS: You can eat your scriptures with this mod and tell everyone you are feasting on the good word.
False Doctrine Denied! Mod
With this mod, whenever another player or NPC spouts off false doctrine, it is replaced with the Meow Mix song. While amusing, this mod can get annoying if used during Institute or Seminary modes of play. For some, it goes off so often that they have questioned if there is a bug in the mod. Mod creators insist it is working perfectly.
I originally had planned to add pictures to most of the mods to illustrate how they operate, but since there’s currently no mod to get rid of constant morning sickness, I was rather indisposed. Perhaps in the future I will test my photoshop skills. In the meantime, what mods would you like to see make church gameplay more fun or, as the case may be, bearable?
**Also, the image at the top of the page is in fact from a real RPG game. I have not played it, but if you’re interested in checking it out, the website is here.
That mod to speed up hymns sound like a fantastic idea!
I had to go to church last week after not having been in many months, and man, those songs are slow and plodding! I guess its something I never really noticed growing up, because I was singing them every week, so it just seemed normal for songs to be that boring. But after not being subjected to that sluggish singing for a few months, the hymns were literally putting me to sleep.
Triple the tempo, liven up the meeting, and get out of sacrament 10 minutes early! Its a win win!
Ha! I love your ideas! I just need some kind of virtual reality helmet to wear, and I’ll load these mods right in!