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In this episode of “Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist”, Laurel and Brian talk with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife on the topics of sexuality for singles who are keeping their commitment to chastity and the balancing of parenting labor in the home that does not overly burden one spouse, which could negatively affect the erotic relationship.
The Second Shift: Working Families and the Revolution at Home
Developing Integrity in an Uncertain World: An Interview with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife
Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is a psychotherapist who focuses on issues surrounding female sexuality and feminism within the LDS framework. She holds a PhD in Counseling Psychology from Boston College where she wrote her dissertation on LDS women and sexuality. She has taught college-level classes on human sexuality and currently has a private therapy practice in Chicago. In her private practice, she primarily works with LDS couples on sexuality and relationship issues. She also teaches online courses to LDS couples on these issues. She is married, has three kids, and is an active member of the LDS church.
Be Sure to check out Dr. Finlayson-Fife’s site for her online courses.
If you have a question for the good doctor you can comment below OR send an email to askdrfife@rationalfaiths.com
Music: Sugar Blues (Pubic Domain)
I disagree with a lot of what is being taught to Young Women about chastity. How do I communicate to my daughter when I disagree with what is being taught – i.e. using fear to scare the young women into chastity or more subtle messages that deny my daughter’s God-given sexuality? Is it appropriate for me to sit in on chastity lessons?
Who are you ceding your daughter’s sex education to? If you don’t like what others are doing how are you trying to do it right?
Hi,
I strongly agree with the statement you made essentially saying that spirituality cannot be determined by things we get premission for or structure for 100% from say, a church leader for example; that we need to develop our own deep sense of connection and alignment with God, especially when it comes to our sexuality, based off of integrity.
However, I feel that in podcast number 8 of the series with the Mormon sex therapist, premission was almost given to masturbate or potentially do more in a premarital relationship as long as it’s not crossing some kind of line, such as actual intercourse.
I feel that usually Dr. Fife has very healthy and spiritually aligned understanding of sexuality, however “For the Strength of Youth” pamphlet is inspired by God to his apostles and Prophet and in that pamphlet it is very black and white.
Masturbation or sex with self is not acceptable and intentionally arousing sexual feeling by passionate kissing, laying on top of, touching sacred private parts of anothers body with or without clothes on, is clearly prohibited for the true adherence to the law of chastity as intended.
I would appreciate some clarity on this since it seems like premission was given for those things that go directly against publish church stance from our prophets.
Ideally, the single latter day saint would never do anything other than hold hands and give a chaste kiss at the end of each date. After their temple wedding, the couple would have exactly as many sexual interludes as each would desire. And their poo would not smell and no one would fart. Not a realistic expectation.
I agree with Sierra 100% and would also appreciate some clarification. I was very happy to discover these podcasts with Jennifer as a sex therapist and Mormon whom I could learn from about this topic without worrying about the advice going against God’s commandments. However, after listening to this 8th podcast, I’m concerned now that the advice given will not be in accordance with what’s right. Yes, we’re sexual beings but those feelings are not more important than, and should never trump what our Lord had said (through His mouthpieces, the prophets) is not ok, like masturbation. It seems that Jennifer was basically saying that a person could masturbate as a way to keep from having sex with someone else to “stay chaste” in the name of “goodness,” when really, that’s just rationalizing. We are here to learn self-mastery and that includes not giving in to those sexual desires outside of marriage. Also, thoughts can lead to actions, so we are admonished to watch our thoughts, and not dwell on them if it’s not time to yet. Easier said than done I’m well aware, but there is a time for giving in to our righteous sexual desires when we’re married. We must also be aware that Satan will try hard to tempt us to use our bodies in ways that God wouldn’t approve of outside of marriage (as well as try to keep husbands and wives from connecting in that way). Just some of my thoughts.