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Interviews with LDS Relationship and Sexuality Counselor Dr. Finlayson-Fife
Here in the 22nd installment of the “Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist” series Jennifer responds to two new questions. The first question concerns recovering desire after sexual abuse, and the second asks for advice on becoming assertive in the bedroom.
Also check out Jennifer’s Valentines Day sale HERE.
If you have a question for the good doctor you can comment below OR send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org
Music: Sugar Blues (Pubic Domain).
Laurel made a comment about the lack female gaze and sex benefiting a marriage in media and she is totally correct. Their is one hidden gem in this category–the “Outlander” book series by Diana Gabaldon. It has also been made into a tv series by Starz. I discovered this series at the same time I discovered Dr. Findlayson-Fife and it was the perfect compliment!
There is nothing less sexy than being asked if something feels good IMO. Not everyone is comfortable with a lot of talking during intimacy. Pay attention to sounds your partner is making and the way they’re reacting, you shouldn’t have to ask. If you need more cues, let her know you need more vocalizations or something, but come on. You can’t tell if what you’re doing is working or not? Turn the lights on or light a candle if you’re not catching any clues.
Hi just came across this great blog. I’m wondering where I can submit a question of my own. Is there some type of forum?
You can submit a question to this email Mary.
This is ridiculous. I can tell that the person speaking about sexual abuse has absolutely no clue about the actual psychological and somatic repercussions of such abuse. It’s not about whether the man is as good as she says he is, is that she needs to process and grieve and move on. And unfortunately the oppressive nature of Mormonism makes this nearly impossible. This podcast is a sham.
The man who trusts his partner to give him good timely feedback…and especially positive feedback when he’s successful, no longer has to ask if it is working for her. Men find reading women’s minds to be very unattractive and a turn off, and we’ve all been burned for it before, so we are gunshy.
You really need to get in the habit of telling your guy verbally what’s going on, at least initially, even if you think it is obvious. No guy wants to take a leap and find out later that it was totally not working for you. Yuck. Makes you feel no longer feel like trying.
My wife and I have been married for a little less than 9 years. I would consider ourselves very happily married. We’ve had our issues, including with sex, but we regularly talk about how we both feel about it.
One thing that I have always worried about is her enjoyment. In our years of marriage, she’s still hasn’t had an orgasm. In the past we’ve talked about what we can do, including me stimulating her orally (which I thoroughly enjoy), vibrators (which she’s afraid that she’ll not be able to orgasm any other way if she tries it), and other things. She’s even bought your art of desire course a couple of years ago, but hasn’t finished it, because… life.
Even though I’ve still continued learning about what I can do to make sex more enjoyable for her, (like reading books and listening to podcasts), I’ve stopped giving her suggestions, because I feel like anything that comes from me is going to stifle her sense of autonomy… that her own passion is not her own… I feel like her path of wanting to more sexual passion and experiencing an orgasm is her own and no one else’s. But is there anything I can do to help to help her? I love my wife a lot and want her to experience this essential and joyful part of life.
Another question… you three have often said that you wish you could do ask more follow up questions to the people who have submitted inquiries… I would be totally willing to call in so you can ask those questions. Is that something you’d be willing to do?