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Here in the 16th installment of the “Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist” series Jennifer answers two more questions submitted from listeners. One focuses on nudity (and modesty) and the usefulness of it, and the second question comes from a person in a really tough position in a sexless marriage in which discussion and negotiation of sexual relations are off limits.
Also make sure to check out Jennifer’s Christmas Sale!
If you have a question for the good doctor you can comment below OR send an email to askdrfife@rationalfaiths.com
Music: Sugar Blues (Pubic Domain)
My ex left me and wouldnt tell me why. He made a silly excuse that was a lie. And then when i didmt want him to break up. I tried to be supportive. And then i called him and texted and then lastly snap chatted where i sent him a pic of a restruant and he responded and i got into a wreck and he responded and when i tried to save his ass at work he didnt pick up and then his aunt now wants me to meet up in person when i just told him my aunt died and i had to bury her. I dont knkw what to do i care for him but i dont know if he feels the same anymore. And i dont know why his aunt wants us to meet up so bad.
The second question in this episode was so close to the bone for me. I’m in my 50’s now, so with the advantage of hindsight, I have more clarity on how these same dynamics played out in my marriage. My first husband and I had similar issues to the couple described in the question. And for me, patriarchy was such a stumbling block to excavating any intimacy in our relationship. When I went through the temple just prior to being sealed, the covenants I made, as the wife, were a soul crushing confirmation of just how little God thought of women. I took out my endowments during the era when the wife covenanted to have her husband “rule over her”. I left that experience feeling so powerless… not only for this life but apparently for all of eternity. In hindsight, I’m sure I felt like surrendering my body willingly was the one place I had some control…I sure as hell wasn’t going to give that away. As devout Mormons, my ex husband and I did our best to fulfill our prescribed roles. Although I didn’t withhold sex, those roles made it impossible for me to move towards genuine intimacy. A reality that was so toxic to our marriage. I realize the covenants are softer now, but I wonder how often the bind of patriarchy still manifests itself in unhappy marriages.
Hi Audrey, Yes, absolutely. This is the experience of many Mormon women. I wrote about this for Rational Faiths a couple of years ago : http://rationalfaiths.com/lets-talk-sex/ You may find it helpful / interesting.
Thankyou for your response and the link!
I came from a home where we attended church, but that was about it. Dad was about half-apostate and didn’t take the church serious. I married into a family where her dad sat on the stand in leadership positions and he was the priesthood in the home. He’s infallible….or so the family likes to think. His wife (my MIL) has “little-man-syndrome” and is a bully. I was told to never cross her. When I got married, my MIL gave me an apron with 2 chickens on it. The rooster said, “I rule the Roost”. The hen said, “I rule the rooster”. Little did I know how literally the women in the household lived that code. They are female chauvanists and will tell you how it is.
I married my wife who I really love, but unfortunately, she didn’t completely fall in love with me. I play the last chair in her band. Her allegiance to this day, is to her parents, even though she is now a grandmother. I have always been a second class citizen in that dysfunctional family, the lowest turd under the community outhouse. For most of our marriage, the unspoken expectations of her parents, have been the course we followed. Financially, it has been career suicide for me. Living near family in a rural area has kept us near bankruptcy all of out marriage. I went to school and have a skill that I’m good at, but it requires being self-employed, which I prefer. She refuses to live in a metro area where I can make a living and refuses to support me while I build a business. My in-laws raised her with the mindset that living on a hobby farm out in the country was the ONLY way to live…and you don’t cross her parents.
Over the years, the total allegiance to her self-righteous family and the total lack of respect for me has been devastating. In return, I use bad language, I drink caffienated sodas just to push her family’s buttons. I’ve went through seasons of porn and even flirted and mentally had relationships. Today I’ve left that dirt in the bishops office and am over it all, except the language and caffeine.
I would hope, someday for her to see the damage that was done, apologize and move away so we can live our lives instead of being under her mother’s thumb.
I’ve lost all interest in having any type of a meaningful relationship with her sister or mother. I just want to be gone and never see them again. I’m sealed to my wife and she’s sealed to them, but I hope I’m not sealed to the them. Other than my wife, I really have no desire to be sealed to anyone. I dislike the concept of an eternal family, but like an eternal marriage, I just wish she could admire and love and respect me, like she does her parents. The more she tries to turn me into her father, a Louis La’Amour story-telling politician, the more I become like my father, a real-life Archie Bunker.
The scriptures teach that a man should leave his parents and cleave to his wife and become one. Shouldn’t a girl leave her parents and cleave unto her husband and become one? She never wants to talk about this. She’s always been a straight A student and doesn’t make mistakes.
Archie,
I was once taught a wonderful concept by a person I deeply respect, a Temple President in fact.
“An eternal family is a husband and wife – a woman amd a man progressing together eternally”.
Think about that. It’s simple and deep.
There are a lot of follow-up questions and comments that I have about the second question addressed on this podcast. First off, I feel like my husband may have written that question. The asker of the question presented the narrative of how his wife is almost exactly as my husband has presented me and my his sexual issues. The only difference is that I did consent to go to counseling about two months ago. I think you were very fair in your response given how the information was presented, but I guess I would be very interested to see the wife’s perspective on how events have unfolded. For me, my husband and I got married about a year and a half ago. Prior to getting married, I enjoyed kissing him and all that stuff, and then once we got married I will readily admit that I “changed the agreement” as you put it in this. But it wasn’t because I wanted power or control, at least not consciously. I mean that’s definitely a possibility, but I don’t really know how to address if if I’m not consciously doing it. Sex was and is really really scary for me. For the first few months I tried really hard to have sex a lot because I knew that that was what married people did, but I was so scared every time. I get hit by waves of panic in the middle of it, and in those first few months I tried to keep going anyways, but it ended up being frequently painful because I wasn’t turned on. And I would frequently also feel really empty and depressed afterwards. During that time we had sex one to two times a week. Even at this point, which was when I was really trying to have sex even though it made me feel like crap, my husband would frequently make jokes or comments that insinuated that I “never” had sex with him. He also would search online for ways that he could better turn me on or make me want to have sex more and present those ideas to me as things I should be trying to do if I wanted to be an “active participant” in making our marriage better, which he believed he was being because he was taking the time to research ways to get me to have more sex with him. But ultimately, I was just so scared of sex that “making Marie want more sex = better marriage” was a terrifying prospect to me, and I did not actively seek out ways to get myself to have more sex with him. Soon, I became scared of most physical contact because I knew that he would take basically any sign of affection to sex, and if I refused to have sex after giving him any affection, he would become depressed and upset because I “led him on” so to speak. And I was scared of making him upset, so I was scared of physical contact. Around this point I stopped having sex with him when I didn’t feel like I could because I was realizing that doing so made me feel like crap all the time. At this point, the amount of sex we were having decreased substantially. He started getting really upset and depressed all the time because I was not giving him physical affection, and he needs that to feel loved. He tells me it is not fair that I should be completely in charge of the sexual portion of the marriage and that he should feel shut down and rejected all the time, and he is right, but I don’t know what to do about that. Literally every time we have sex the clock starts ticking in my head for how long I have until I need to do it again to keep my marriage from falling apart. I have to mentally prep myself usually for several days in advance telling myself that it’s okay and that I’ll enjoy it and that there is nothing to be scared about, but sometimes I still feel too scared to follow through. So, I guess, if you are the one in the situation where, “you are the power-hungry girl who controls the sexual aspect of the marriage and is making the boy feel like crap because you are denying him sexual favors”, what do you do? I try to do other things to let him know that I love him, but ultimately he does not feel loved unless I have sex with him. The situation really has made me feel like I wish that sex could just disappear altogether from off the face of the planet.
Hi Marie,
Your husband may have written this question, but my understanding from the questioner was that they had been married for many years and his wife refused to get any help for their situation even with repeated requests / efforts. If a spouse is willing to address what is going on in the marriage and sexual relationship, that is a completely different situation than the one I was responding to. In my view, it’s not that the wife *owes* the husband sex (I’m not promoting the notion of a marital sexual debt), but that to act in good faith in a marriage is to seriously address *why* sex is so repellant to you, and what the two of you need to do to make sex better. It could be your husband’s entitlement, it could be the way he and you treat sex as your duty to him (rather than creating something that is mutually enjoyable / loving), it could be your own sexual anxieties, etc. There are many reasons for sexual challenges, and whatever the reason(s), it will require your husband’s development as well as yours to create a sexual relationship worth wanting and that brings you together. There are many ways that people in marriages will hold their spouse captive to their limitations, and this (the second question) is one iteration of it (as communicated through the husband’s view of the situation). Men do it to women all the time as well of course. A woman willing to genuinely address the marriage (including addressing her husband’s role in her unhappiness) is entirely different than my response to question 2. Hope this helps to clarify my view.
As a guy in a somewhat similar relationship (though married over a decade) I’m glad to hear your voice on this. I think you’ve expressed some of the things my wife feels at times, and what I did in my marriage.
Your feeling of anxiousness is paired with his feeling of being trapped and/or insecure (hence the constant research on how to turn you on, how to be a better lover). Your guilt of feeling bad for being scared about it is paired with his confusion and loneliness as “everyone else is having great sex, what’s wrong with me” is probably his perspective.
You’re in a tough spot, and I have no advice which is worth anything. Just wanted to say thanks for being grave and commenting.
so it looks like i sent him an email explaining how i felt and then sent it to his aunt to send it to him and according to her she thinks he wants us to be just friends and you know i found out that he moved on to someone else and he blocked me from all social media plus he blocked me from his phone and he was sending me on and off signals of deciding to give us another shot and chose a different direction and he is leaving for the military my dad said he was a player who wanted to play the field did i do that right thing by waitng and not giving it in to him when he wants it or did i do the crappy thing by maintaining my church standards cause he compared me to his best friend and his two past loves he had when he was turning me off and ignoring me and now he has done it completely i am devastaed i found out he was a cheater and he cheated on me but i am wondering how do i move on from this ? i am also wondering what is wrong with me cause i didnt want to give my boyfriend everything and left me for someone else who did i bet gave him everything of herself i feel like a loser now that he has done that to me and devastaed to boot i saved his butt at work and made him cookies when he was sick or not feeling well i did things like a letter and poem to show i was still interested and the last text i got from him was happy thanksgiving and then nothing and then i sent his aunt an explaination as to what happened on thanksgiving and thanks to a co worker we knew i got into a wreck me and her are not talking now but you see it seems the guy has cut me out of his life completely since i havent been able to get a hold of him and he blocked my number and i got my phone taken a way for a month since i got into a wreck but still my dad told me he is a player and forget about him what do i do ?
Marie,
I’m not certain, but I think that this one may be in me. I have emailed the good doctor a few times and have ask and begged for help. So, first let’s clear a few things up:
1. Your husband adores you. He picked you and he plans to spend forever with you.
2. There is no intention to owe anything, or hold anything over one another. Intimacy is the best and most trust building, life binding blessing available. Having someone bound to you by sealing without intimacy is similar to sacrament prayers with no bread or water. It’s exceptionally important and the most important truth of the trust and openness of a marriage.
3. In my opinion, and long ago the statement of my wife was that intimacy was where she felt that our two spirits touch.
From these three things I can tell you that there are so many thoughts that go through my mind that I feel like my head could explode.
First, start small. Sex is not evil! In the church girls are taught that sex is bad, sex is bad, sex is bad!
Then you get married and go from bad to good in one day. Like a drug addiction that someone has slowly allowed over years of choices, indoctrination regarding sex cannot be reversed in ten minutes. How often do ten year addicts go to rehab for 28 days, then overdose within a week of getting out. Trust me, in Provo Utah I see it every week. It’s not possible to reverse the effects of a lifetime of habit in one month, regardless of what it is. Our brain chemistry doesn’t allow it.
So, for this one what happened, and how do you change? I wonder about this for myself almost every day. If I leave to find someone more sexual, will my wife kiss and love, and touch someone else? Will it be better for her or will she continue to be broken? Yes broken! Will I find anyone who I would love more than her? I married her because she is who I want to be with for eternity. Why would that change? If I could find someone else would it be different? Did I cause this in the first place? Maybe. Are any of us as LDS newlyweds any good at intimacy and sex? Hmmm…are any of us good at skiing the first time we try? What would happen if we as couples made as much effort toward our success in intimacy as we do in other aspects of life? For example, my wife is the most phenomenal success I have ever known. Everything she touches is successful. In school at BYU she taught classes and ran her professor’s research-as an undergrad. Our boys are superstars in the classroom and in athletics because of her commitment to their success. She was the relief society president and was the most successful and loved women’s leader our ward had ever seen. She spends time and effort helping everyone she can, has perfect visiting teaching because she has a love for those assigned to her, and our home is spotless, smells great and is beautiful and inviting. Did I mention that my wife is a natural beauty and looks fantastic 24….ok 20 hours of the day?
What if she put that much effort into (not me) our marriage and intimacy?
The secret to work is work! Why would that be something that only applies to everything else and not intimacy?
So figure it out! Read a book! Start by deciding that he’s worth it, and so are you! This isn’t chocolate, or icecream, or whatever your favorite vice may be. This is intimacy with the ONE person you are supposed to be with. You get to have a secret knowledge of them and everything about them and share your secrets with them too. -like a sexy little smile across a room that tells you everything you need to know, kind of secret. Your husband isn’t your enemy. He is the love of your life. As far as pin-ups go, he is your David Beckham, or whoever that guy has been on the calendar cover in your mind.
Yes, physical issues can cause pain and make sex a problem to fear. So get rid of that issue. Don’t make your husband “sneak attack” sex on you just to feed the carnal need. Be prepared! You do the work. You get the supplies that get rid of that problem. Read a book (50 shades) or something that can start the mood. Not part, most of a female’s issues are emotional and psychological. If I could as my wife for one thing, just one. Sorry for this getting a bit too descriptive but I’d ask that she figure out what works. Start without me. Make it comfortable, then invite me and teach me. Like a lesson in a book, we could perfect that this month and then move to the next chapter.
In conclusion, you are both unhappy. He’s thought about divorce but wants you! What is it worth? What effort are you willing to give? He’d live in a box under a bridge for you as long as he could know and feel loved. He wants that time when your spirits touch, not the guilt ridden sex you have now. Trust me, he feels like he’s forcing you. That’s marital rape. It’s full of guilt. How can you build eternity on that.
Make an effort. Exercise your marriage, make it strong!
Well, this is utterly terrifying to read. It makes me naseous and scared for the future.(I think my wife feels some of this sometimes.) I feel bad for you and your husband. I understand that your situation is very hard, but so is his. As a man, having a wife not enjoy sex is cripping to self esteem, to confidence, and happiness. I don’t know why, but I think thst is one of the main way men feel their wife’s love for them. I do not think it’s your fault whatsoever, and I hope that the two of you can overcome your difficulties.
I’ve been married for 13 years. We have two boys, ages 4 and 2. My wife has told me she has zero desire to have any form of affection with me. This means I sleep on my side of the bed and she sleeps on her side and we never touch. If there is touching it is me initiating a touch and her just waiting to blow the wistle on me if I touch her somewhere only her OBGYN can touch her. So, I give up even trying to have a physical relationship with her because she desireth me not.
I am LDS and want to be worthy of God’s spirit but I feel that I am being punished for something everytime I look at my wife. I’ve tried talking to her about and all she says is I don’t like sex and I don’t want to say anything else about it. I’ve suggested that we go to counseling but she just finds reasons to not go, e.g. It will be really hard to find a babysitter. So I cannot touch my temple married wife or talk to her about why she doesn’t want or like sex.
I have not been perfect as well. When I have talked to her about it I usually end up trying to pry it out of her and she just clams up even more. I want my wife and not some image on a screen or some cheap craigslist add. I really just want the person I fell in love with. It feels like she will never want me physically or emotionally.
What can I do to heal my relationship with my wife and how can I help her see that I am worth it.
T all of the men (and women) expressing frustration: Talk to her. Tell her what you just posted and share any other applicable posts. Believe that God loves you and that you are worth it. Tell her how worthless and scared it make you feel, and tell her you want to feel loved as much as you love her. Communication is hard but it is the only way to start to work through anything or make anything better.
I loved this podcast and the answers provided. It opened up my eyes to be more sensitive and see some ways I can improve and be a better spouse, and start a healthy conversation with my spouse.
Ok, well I’ve begun to understand
how and why I’ve been inattentive to the “needs”. I feel horrible about the years of me basically like I took advantage of her. Though, I believed (according to her) I was doing what was expected to what we both grew up with.
Her parents are and were a bit more open about sex stuff but still not completely and my parents ended up in a messy divorce partly because of the emotional abuse between them.
Ok, all that besides the point, the last few years I’ve been more attentive to the needs of my wife. Unfortunately having betrayed her trust with porn. I still feel completely horrible that I have betrayed her and have strived to be a better person all around.
This all happened because a suffered a major and massive stroke at 32! I spent 4 months in the hospital half of which I couldn’t talk. And another 2 months where I couldn’t even shower alone or clean myself after using the toilet.
Fortunately all that is behind me for years now but I’m still not 100% or any where near where I used to be. I understand most women want to be desired (which I have down) but I can’t carry that desire through on a physical level. Yes we make love and are intimate together though the “spark” from before the stroke seems to be missing. I know she’d want a physically strong type of person. I mean I can’t even lift our disabled daughter in or out of bed and most of our daughters care in on her. I feel horrible even though my wife says it’s no big deal. I can feel and see otherwise. I just don’t (or can’t feel because of my own thinking) feel desired like I was before the stroke.
I’m very grateful my wife and family stuck by me through it all but I feel the change in her even if she says it’s not there. I can’t just ignore the difference and when I bring it up it’s all my issue and my doing.
How can u be that “mr darcy” type character if I’m only the mental side? I used to be both mentally and physically strong and would things were great before and getting better with more open communication
This question really hit home for me, but in the opposite way. My husband and I have been married over 40 years. In the beginning our sex life was wonderful and I felt very connected to him. After we had our first baby, he withdrew a little, but not too bad. It wasn’t until after the second and third that he really seemed to not want to have sex. I gained about 30 pounds over my pregnancies and he told me he wasn’t as attracted to me. I went on diet pills to lose weight, which changed my personality so much that I had to give them up eventually. I’ve never really lost the weight, although I haven’t gained any, either.
He was working with a lot of people who were going through divorces around that time and I think the stories of their bad marriages tainted his view of marriage, for what it’s worth.
About this time he told me he thought I was a nymphomaniac, which really hurt me. I don’t think I am at all, I was just a normal woman with normal desire for my husband. After he said that I pulled back and didn’t ever approach him for fear of being rebuffed.
And to top it all off, he developed high anxiety with performance, which meant he was even less interested. He worked shift work at the time and started coming home and having sex with me in the middle of the night while I was asleep, which really made me MAD. I wanted sex! I wanted to be intimate with him, but he denied me that, even when he did want to have sex.
I tried to talk to him several times. He is extremely inhibited and very uncomfortable with discussing it. I tried counseling, with and without him, but about the time we’d hit sensitive subjects, he was done. Nothing has seemed to help.
After we’d been married 30 years or so I finally just gave up. I felt so undesirable that I just turned my sexual self off.
That’s how it’s been now for more than 10 years. Recently he told me he’d like to try having sex again. I told him that was fine, but he hasn’t approached me at all. Somehow I think maybe he wants me to approach him? I don’t know for sure.
All I know is that I’m still so hurt from his rejection all these years – and I’ve become comfortable being asexual – that I have no desire to initiate anything.
Listening to this podcast makes me feel as if I’ve been abused all these years and it makes me angry and sad. I really don’t know where to go with these feelings from here. I would certainly appreciate your insight.
I’d really prefer it if my picture didn’t show, but I don’t know how to take it off. This is stuff that leaves me very vulnerable…
Susanne,
At one time you must have left a comment on another blog post where your picture showed. What I can do is copy your comment and send it to Dr. F and then delete your comment. The best way to maintain future anonymity is to email at askaMormonSexTherapist@rationalfaiths.com
The picture doesn’t seem to be here anymore, so I must’ve deleted it properly. 🙂
This is a very good question, Sus. I will take this one up in the next podcast.
This is a very good question, Sus. I will take this question up on the next podcast.
Thank you for having this podcast. If only you could have been around before I got married. This info would have done wonders. The second question is really close to home for me and my husband. However there are a few differences. And we are trying to work this out in our marriage before it takes its tow on everything else in our marriage. We have been married for 13 plus years. We both love each other very much. We both agree that nothing else in our marriage is a problem. This problem is enough. Its come to the point that its affecting other aspects of our marriage and children. I am the wife that hates sex. He is the husband that loves sex. We are able to discuss it and express how we both feel about this situation. We don’t want to separate. But we both want the other to be happy. We are willing to get help anyway we need to. But I believe the problem might be me. I have been listening to the other podcast and feel that if only someone would have been there to help me know more about sex and would have been more open about it this problem might never have happened. However that’s in the passed and I must move forward and overcoming all the misguided info and learn to think and feel different about sex. Which is so hard but something I would like to do so that me and my husband can be happy together. I don’t believe I had any trauma as a kid but I have major issues as if something did happen. Also add in the Church and the upbringing it taught about sex, and the fact that sex is painful and hurts still after 13 years and you have a unhappy women that doesn’t want anything to do with it and a husband that suffers because of it. What steps should we take? What can we do to help this situation that is ruining our marriage? We love each other so much and don’t want to come between us but it is and has and continues too. Please help us in knowing what to do. Thank-you!!
As a mormon nudist/naturist I totally agree with your comments about the way “modesty” and clothing can eroticize the body. Oh, and one minor point, lepers are in colonies, not nudists. Check it out. http://forum.staylds.com/index.php Don’t worry, no photography, just talk.
I am the lower desire partner. I wasn’t always, but my husband has had issues over the years with pornography and masturbation as well as forcing himself on me when I have said no to sex. These issues started when things were going well (in my view at least) and continued for many years. I have withdrawn as a result and he has approached sex in a purely lustful way that makes me feel objectified and awful. I don’t always say no, but I honestly feel repulsed by it now after the challenges we have faced. He is doing better at being faithful after getting help from the bishop. I however have had no support in dealing with how it has all impacted me. I don’t feel comfortable talking to the bishop about it, although he has never approached me about it. I feel like I would be betraying him to reach out to anyone we know to talk about it. I have brought up counseling, but he is offended that I want to go there and he has very negative opinions of marriage counselors. How can I get over these feelings of disgust and distrust so I can show up in my marriage sexually (or emotionally at this point) again?
Hi Anne, This is a good question. I will answer it during the next interview. Thanks.
Thank you! It would really be so helpful!
Anne, you’re not alone. The situation you have is what I’ve been going through. I really need help. I’m actually thinking to see a counselor myself…since my husband is against it too.
Thank you so much for all of these podcasts. I just found them an both my wife and I listened to them on a road trip together. I feel like we have an ok sex life, and these will help. One question I have for you: My wife and I got married when were were both young, me right home from my mission, my wife just turn 18. We were both young and attractive, but are not in our 30. My job lets me stay very physically active, and I enjoy exercising. My wife, not so much. Between 12+ years of being a stay-at-home-mom, having 4 kids, and not being very careful about what she eats or if she exercises, she now is someone that I have a hard time being physically attracted to. I love her and still want to be with her, but it very difficult be feel aroused by her. If I ever try to bring this up, it turns into a very destructive conversation for both of us. How should we handle this? Is there a way I can encourage her? Do I need to just deal with the fact that we are both getting older?
Good post, I really appreciate this. Nowadays women’s are same like a man. Now boy or girl does not need any kind of human partner because upgraded sex toys can fulfill them. http://www.loveteaser.in/
Unfortunately, you’re only hearing the husbands side of the story. I have been in a similar situation for 30 years. Things started out okay when we first got married. But as time went on, my husbands true personality came shining through loud and clear…that he was the boss of everything and had to be in control of everything and everything had to be HIS way and no other way was good enough. This type of authoritarian dictatorship style continued with our children and caused many problems. I didn’t grow up this way. I grew up in a very loving type of home with parents who were loving and sipporting. Anyway, this caused great conflict between my spouse and myself because I saw him destroying our family, therefore, my love and respect for him died which of course, affected our love life. I came to not even like my husband because of the way he treated my children. There was much anger and frustration shown from him and I felt I had no where to turn because you just don’t talk bad about your spouse, even when he’s destroying your family. I told him over and over again that his anger was like a poison and it was destroying our marriage and our family. Anyway, having sex therefore, was not my priority and neither was he. Protecting myself and my kids and showing them increased love and protection became my priority because they did not receive much love or praise or acceptance from their dad. This broke my heart and has been a source of great anxiety for me to this day. My husband and I did seek counseling which helped a little bit and he’s tried to do better, but the wounds of the past are deep and don’t heal easily…and a personality doesn’t change overnight…so I still struggle with the whole sex thing because of everything that has happened during the course of our lives. I want to love my husband more and give freely of myself to him, but the pain in my heart is still so fresh, I’m finding it difficult to do so. And every time I see him get frustrated and angry over something….which is almost everyday, it just brings back all the pain of the past. So, perhaps there’s another side to this mans story. You’re hearing his….but what’s hers?