A few weeks ago, in my continuing efforts to educate myself on LGBT issues, I started watching The L Word, a show that focuses primarily on the day-to-day lives of a Los Angeles-based community of lesbians. At first, I was taken aback because the glamorous lesbians depicted on the show weren’t anything like the lesbians I am lucky enough to know in my own social circles, but, in doing some research, I came across this quote from Leisha Hailey, an actress in the series who is also a lesbian: “It was just amazing to finally see yourself represented…I’m excited to be a part of it.”
In the days since the news conference on Religious Freedom and Nondiscrimination, I’ve read and heard a lot of reactions. Many people I know are upset about what was said. I avoided listening to or reading the contents of the conference because I didn’t have the emotional bandwidth to deal with a range of emotions.
But, as I listened today, I had a growing feeling of peace and joy at the words I was hearing. For the very first time—and to me, most importantly—the terms LGBT and gay were used in place of the usual: same sex attraction (or worse—people suffering from same sex attraction). I was delighted to hear those terms coming from the mouths of people I believe and hope to be prophets of God and apostles of Jesus Christ. What a huge and promising shift in our cultural rhetoric! What a kindness to our beloved LGBT brothers and sisters who have had to bear the microagression that is being mislabeled!
I am so encouraged to hear the call for support towards anti-discrimination legislation, as well as a call for respect of religious beliefs. I am motivated by the call for compromise and respect for all sides of the issues at hand. I was moved to tears to hear Elder Oaks say in a subsequent interview, “We have nothing but feelings of love and compassion for LGBT persons.”
As someone who swims in the waters of progressive Mormonism, this looks like a baby step. For the thousands of my brothers and sisters who swim with me, the news conference was disappointing. But, from the perspective of the millions of traditionally-believing and orthodox LDS, this conference represents a huge paradigm shift in our treatment of LGBT people and the advocacy for basic human rights. Many Mormons have long felt justified in discriminatory practices and aggressive behavior towards the LGBT community and this conference was a call to end all such conduct.
I am grateful for the words of Elder Oaks who defended those who are motivated to action by religious faith and conscience, as I know and believe my own actions surrounding LGBT activism and allyship to be fully based in and prompted by my religious convictions to love all of God’s children and to be the literal hands and heart of God on earth to bind up hearts and lift spirits.
I saw an air of compromise and kindness. I saw a deep love for the faithfulness of the saints and their willingness to stand true to their beliefs, as well as an emerging understanding and protection of basic LGBT issues. I witnessed the result of what has to have been weeks and months and maybe even years of passionate discussion between men who want the best for the saints whom they love so dearly and the teachings of the Savior, whom they also love dearly. I saw the answer to the prayers of so many of us who have wanted to see some modicum of progress in the rhetoric surrounding LGBT issues in the church we love so much.
It was just amazing to see myself represented. I’m excited to be a part of it.
Jerilyn
Bio: Jerilyn Hassell Pool was born and raised in Southern Oregon, the eldest of 8 children. She is the mother of five children, ages 7 to 23. She has been married for nearly 25 years. She has a calling as the pianist in the local Spanish-speaking branch (although she speaks no Spanish) and is active in feminist and LGBTQ communities as a Mormon advocate for inclusion and acceptance. She works from home as a freelance web and print designer.
All posts by Jerilyn
I appreciate a more balanced perspective on such a touchy topic. This is a step in the right direction regardless of how weak or undewhelming or even disingenuous it was to some. The change in verbiage was potent. I hope it becomes the standard.
The Church gets a high five from me even if the institution does not match my perspectives exactly.
I appreciate this hopeful and positive perspective. I have been so frustrated about the baby step, I’ve totally been ignoring that it was a step in the right direction. Thank you.
I too am very frustrated with what was said (and what wasn’t.) However, the one thing I was pleased about and hope we see more of is it was actual church leadership stepping up to the plate, and not the PR department.
I agree with your point about the actual apostles and Sister Marriott doing the talking this time. It has seemed that the PR department has been overused in the recent past. No matter what side of an issue you are on, the PR people either look like a dodge by the Church, or you can say, “Well, that is just the PR guy’s opinion, not what the prophet really thinks.” On major issues, it needs to be the actual leaders speaking so that their is no mistaking the message. If it is the prophet or an apostle speaking on behalf of the entire leadership, you have to either sustain what is said or you reject it, but you can’t say, “Oh, that doesn’t really count.”
I am impressed they have taken this baby step. I am afraid it is meaningless until the rank and file membership follow the idea, but they will use the comments about protecting religious freedom to be an endorsement of their bigotry. I was labeled a “non-Mormon” at my job at a public school in Utah Valley. I was forced from that job by lies. It was simply for being labeled as not a member of the church, not a label of “gay,” since they didn’t believe I was gay, and I’m not. One of the teachers that lives in the area served by the school told me the reason was the label. It had nothing to do with the way I was doing my job. Even the Principal, as he was finalizing my leaving, said he knew it was wrong but he wasn’t the man to stand up to them. As long as they are permitted to behave that way they will ignore anything saying they should be tolerant of those with other beliefs. I am sure they will fail to understand the balance that was put forth by the leadership, just as they failed to understand they were trampling my rights.
I fear the lack of the words “same sex attracted individuals” is simply because it was a press conference, hence the use of terms such as gay rights. I doubt you will hear anything change in G Conference and talks generally.
I think you are right. My stake president played a training video on how to help members of the Church with same sex attraction during a stake council meeting about a year ago which was mostly Elder Oaks talking. In that video, Elder Oaks said he is troubled when he hears members of the Church label themselves as “gay” or “lesbian”. They said several times in the press conference that Church doctrine has not changed- homosexual relations are considered a sin still and I expect that that will never change. But the Church seems to be saying, “You have your free agency and we won’t cram our religion down your throat (anymore) if you don’t try to change the doctrines and practice of our Church”.
I can’t even call this a step in the right direction. They were very clear that no doctrines or teachings of the church are changing. They are opposed to discrimination unless the discrimination is the result of a deeply held religious belief. This is a wolf in sheeps clothing 100%. Oakes showed no sincerity whatsoever other than being completely sincere that he and the church owe no apology. I’m sorry….the church has been the cause of thousands and thousands of deaths, countless gays ostracized from their families, ridicule, etc. the pattern repeats itself….church is uncomfortable with something….it lifts the rug and sweeps it under. Their actions are insincere at best….and complete deception at its worst.
To go a little further,,..Oakes saying that the word apology doesn’t appear in the LDS scriptures so the church owes no apology is completely asinine. Let’s see….what all doesn’t appear in LDS scripture….there’s nothing about the endowment….nothing about garments….nothing about building billion dollar malls….nothing about hunting preserves…nothing about electro shock therapy for gays….hmmmm….there’s also absolutely nothing ever said by jesus about homosexuality. Jesus didn’t say a single damn word about homosexuality. He did preach against the dangers of wealth….he spoke about divorce. Hell, he spoke about a lot of things but not a single damn word uttered about homosexuality. Oakes is a complete asshole and he carries the blood of countless gays on his shoulders that he will carry to his grave….along with all the other leaders that have supported the actions of the church towards gays.
I don’t really care about their motivations. I only care about the impact. If this gets a non-discrimination law passed in Utah, then I will rejoice. If this helps one family decide not to kick an LGBT child to the streets, then it is a step in the right direction.
LDS advocates of LGBT and LDS parents of LGBT crave useful statements from church leaders that help them when they approach their Bishops as well as hostile extended family members. This press conference gave them many that will help them create a more loving situation within their families.
Did they go far enough? Obviously not. I would love it if they made a more substantial change. However, I woke up to a situation that is a bit better than it was a week ago.
Daniel, the problem is that nothing is different…nothing. the church didn’t change its doctrines or teachings. They didn’t even change the rhetoric. In fact, you could say the rhetoric is even worse because they are saying discrimination is ok when it happens because of a deeply held religious belief. This isn’t progress. It is bigotry cloaked in a coat of fancy words and deception. Oakes showed that neither he nor the church have any intention of true change.
Actually the rhetoric was substantially different than before, and parents of LGBT have already told me that they have felt a change in their wards. Granted it is a small difference, but those living it have already felt it.
I appreciate your concern though. We both probably agree that the church leaders have not yet succeeded with this issue, and that there is a long way to go before things are as Christ would want it.
Jerilyn,
I love your positive spin on it, but as a gay Mormon, this news conference was offensive and demeaning to LGBT members of the Church and to the LGBT community as a whole. I was extremely disappointed that Elder Oaks made LGBT individuals the enemy of religious freedom. He used straw men arguments to encourage fear and hatred. His cries about religious intolerance offended me because he faces no societal repercussions for being a straight, white, upper-middle class religious individual. He will never be kicked out of a home for being Mormon. He will never lose his employment because he is a Mormon man. I, on the other hand, face being denied services because I am gay. Also, his refusal to apologize for the Church’s actions is disheartening and incredibly frustrating.