I’m not arrogant enough to believe that I’m the first person to ask this kind of question. I’m sure everyone reading this has had these same thoughts. So, help me out here. Help me pin this practice down.
I don’t understand why we claim there is power in prayer when it grants blessings and protections to some and not others. I know I’m supposed to believe that some answers are yes, and some are no… but I’m increasingly convinced that people just randomly pray for things that happen upon them anyway. I like the idea of a God who manages my affairs by making things happen or preventing them to keep me safe and happy. I can find comfort in that. However, I can’t abide a God who does that for one person and not another. I can’t find comfort in that God. Instead of believing there is a grand plan behind one person living and another dying, or one person getting a job while the other remains unemployed, or one couple conceiving a child and the other still struggles with infertility (I could go on and on), it is simply easier for me to accept that God doesn’t actually control these things.
Don’t get me wrong; I still believe our Heavenly Parents and Christ are with us. I believe in the sacrifice of my Savior, and I believe in the healing power of Grace. I believe in a God that celebrates the joys and mourns the sorrows and feels it all as keenly as we do (or more so). But I’m coming to believe, more and more, that agency is a much bigger part of the plan than even we—Mormons who are pretty obsessed with it—give it credit.
There is a sentiment that I’m sure you’re familiar with that goes something like, “Don’t worry about anything, just tell God everything!” The idea, I’ve always assumed, is that God will take care of all the things worrying you, and so you can let it go. I guess this gives people hope, and that is fine. But too often I am left with the knowledge that God knowing everything doesn’t mean I have nothing to worry about. With prayer, sometimes things will turn out the way we hoped and sometimes they won’t. Of course, the same is true of life without prayer. It seems to me that is likely because prayer just isn’t really the deciding factor there.
I keep praying, though. I’ve found that what I pray for has changed. I pray for guidance, and I pray for peace. I still believe in a power and strength that comes from having a continual, engaging conversation with my God from day to day. I believe it keeps me focused and… sane. Perhaps the same could be true of meditation, but I also enjoy a sense of relationship with my Heavenly Parents. But I no longer pray for results, and I no longer pray for a specific outcome. I think our Heavenly Parents are too bound by our agency to grant that kind of prayer.
Tell me, what is prayer to you? What do you pray for?
Leah Marie
Leah Marie earned a BA in Political Science, and a Masters in Public Administration. She is currently working towards her PhD in Public Policy. She is wife to an English professor, and mother to 3 beautiful boys.
All posts by Leah Marie
This is something I have been pondering lately. I don’t have an answer, but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone in wondering about this.
Thanks for the solidarity, Kim!
I loved you article except for the last part about that “I think that our Heavenly parents are bound by our agency to grant that kind of prayer” I think that God is not bound by anything. He is everything. He either can do all or He can’t do anything. For Him there is no middle ground. Either He has all power or no power at all. A true God has not limitations. He is sovereign and He has been this way and will always be. The same yesterday, today and forever. I know what the LDS teaches about our free agency but if this was the case then God would be constantly rearranging things that we seem to always be able to mess up. He knows what has happened, what is happening and what will happen. Otherwise He would not be a God but just one of millions of other gods out there pretending to be like Him.
My praying has changed quite a bit over the decades. I just about lost all faith in praying after intensely praying for something for more than 2 decades and things just kept getting worse. It began to hurt too much and I needed to let go of trying to fix the issue and along with it I all but dropped prayer.
After a while I returned to praying, but in a very different way. I no longer worry about using old-English terms, but I just have a chat with God. I don’t plead with him to change things, but as Leah mentions, I just ask him to guide me.
I find myself removing a lot of the “thou” and “thee” as well. For me, the formal language acts a barrier.
Excellent! Very thought provoking.
Idea 1- If we claim that God is omniscient and omnipotent, then they don’t need anything from us. Prayer is for us, not them.
Idea 2- as I’ve wrestled with these same questions, my concept of what God is has changed. I think that we are part of God. I still believe in divine directors, but as their children, we have a small portion of their abilities. God is a family, if you will. We are a very real part of prayers being answered and agency plays a major role.
Bottom line- Gods power lies in thought. Our ability to control and proactively direct our thoughts, and subsequently our behavior, moves us closer to Godhood. Prayer is a tool to help us do that.
I like, a lot, the idea that prayer is for us. And the idea that it is a developmental tool. I think too often we see it more as a wishing well.
On the topic of “tell God everything!” I think that’s more because unburdening and putting things in words helps us. I know it helps me as a teacher when I can talk through something with colleagues, even if I’m the one who comes up with the answer as I explain the problem. But there are some conversations you can’t have with any mortal being, because all conversations are part of a contingent relationship. For example, some things I think I don’t share with my spouse for various reasons. Maybe they would seem hurtful or petty or place a burden upon her that’s unnecessary. Our relationship with God is the one unconditional relationship we have – it’s loving no matter what and full of grace beyond any means of our own. Because of the Atonement, the same is true of our relationship with Christ. So, we can share with them everything. Not because they don’t know it or because they need to hear it from us. But because we need to say it and we can always say it to them. Does that make sense?
This does make sense, Jason. And I do think we should tell God everything. I just don’t think we should do it with the expectation that it means everything will turn out okay. Do you know what I’m saying? My problems don’t disseminate because I tell God about it, which I think is often the message I receive from these types of quotes. “Give God all your worries and you’ll have nothing to worry about!” But when I’m done praying I do still have things to worry about it. It is just that I, hopefully, have gained perspective and insight.
I’ve thought of this often as well. My feeling is that when we pray it does several things: we become less self centered when we pray for others, we are able to send out positive energy to those struggling, it helps us to be more introspective as we pray for ourselves and look at our needs as well as differentiate our wants from our needs. I sometimes think “Why do I need to say this to Heavenly Father? He knows what I or someone else needs, in spite of what I ask”. And the only thing I can come up with is that it helps our minds and spirits to verbalize these thoughts and requests. I’m old enough by far to know that all prayers aren’t answered in the time and/or fashion I want or expect. But I’ve had enough answered that I know prayers are responded to by others in our lives and by our heavenly family.
I had an experience once when I was visiting one of my kids who was struggling with some life issues during a pregnancy. I remember praying on the way home in my car, agonizing over what I or the Lord could do to fix the situation. The thought came to me and I feel to this day that it was the Holy Ghost saying to me “You can’t always fix everything. If these young adults don’t go through these experiences and learn to handle them, they will end up as emotional and spiritual blobs!” True word “blobs”! I sat straight up in my car seat and thought to myself “Wow, that’s so true. I’ve had to learn through my experiences and tears so why not them?” Interestingly it was a relief to be reminded that I couldnt control everything. I guess I was trying to play God and didn’t realize it.
I don’t understand why some have to suffer so terribly and some don’t. I just figure that the power of the universe, whom I call God sees the larger picture and I don’t. I think that those of us who have things easier are ‘bound’ to help those less fortunate and can be the Lords’ helping hands by answering their prayers.
Great article. Thank you.
Thanks for your insight, KJC. I agree with the perspective that there are just some things we need to experience for growth. I think I would just apply the idea that we have to “do it for ourselves” to pretty much everything. As I said, I believe God is with us, but perhaps not willing to change circumstances that are within the realm of our agency (and I believe most things are).
Praying for an open mind and heart so that we can see others that we can serve? That is definitely the kind of thing I think prayer should be used for. If no other reason, it hones our own minds and hearts to be more aware.
I have had these exact same thoughts about prayer! I too find no comfort in a God that answers my prayers because I was raised to pray, while not granting blessings/relief to someone that was not. As I’ve pondered this, I’ve come to feel that prayer often is a good way to A) converse with God B) slow down and meditate upon things that concern me and C) to realize the people and situations I care about and to go forward with them more on my mind and (hopefully) my actions reflect that awareness. I feel that last part is really the most important–taking time to recognize that I want my mother to be well makes me more likely to call her the next day to check up on her, or to give meaningful service to refugees instead of just feeling sad for them.