I am writing from a place of privilege. I am straight. I am male. I am happily married. I have a good job. I have healthy children. For all intents and purposes, I am white.
I am not writing this so as to say, “It’s so hard as a white, straight male. Woe is me.” No one wants to read that.
I am not writing this so as to receive accolades from my friends who are LGBTQ, or people of color, or female. That is exhausting work for an oppressed person to do.
I am writing this to my white, male, straight, married, privileged friends.
I was home sick from church a few weeks ago. I had a computer in front of me and was examining some of my privileges.
I have many friends and some family members that have left the Church for various and very valid reasons. Sometimes the reasons have to do with the treatment of gays, the institutional racism, the institutional gender inequality. I think all those observations are true.
I live in a conservative part of Oregon. Most people that live outside of Oregon view the North West as a liberal haven. This is not true. Most of the population of Oregon lives within what is called the Willamette Valley. It is a narrow strip that runs from Portland down to Eugene. This part of Oregon is liberal and controls most of the politics of Oregon. Outside of that, the state politics are different. Specifically here in Southern Oregon, where I live, the politics are conservative, with the exception of Ashland, which is a wonderfully odd liberal haven.
I also work in a surgical speciality that is male dominant. It’s work that is physically demanding and intellectually demanding. Because of the culture of orthopedic surgery, there just aren’t many women. Because of that, things can be a bit sexist. I have sat with non-LDS surgeons that are quick to point out the patriarchy of my LDS tradition, but lack the ability to see their own sexism. It surprises me.
Over the past five years I’ve began to realize that I have white, male, straight privilege (along with other privileges). This realization has come, not despite be being Mormon, but because I am Mormon.
My work with deconstructing my many privileges has come because my Mormonism has demanded that I look at my Church and then also look at American culture in general. I’m privileged because of the structure of the Church and of American society in general. It is because my studying LDS history and seeing that things can change, and by listening to the painful stories of many Mormon women, that I’ve realized, I need to work to elevate the voices of women – not speak for them – but to elevate them. Mormonism has caused me to examine my own sexism. My wife, my daughters, and my Church demand this. This would not have come if I was not Mormon.
Racism. There are very few black people in Southern Oregon. Doing the painful work of looking at my own racism would not have come if I was not Mormon. My deepest friendships with black people, have come by way of my black Mormon friends. As I’ve sat and listened and tried and failed over and over again to be a better ally, this has caused some slow and painful growth. It’s hard work. I’m not going to lie. I have so many blind spots, but I have good black friends that point those out to me in a constructive way. They push me. This growth has come because I am Mormon, not despite it. I have a lot of work to do still.
Homosexuality. I don’t think I work with any people from the LGBTQ community. I definitely don’t have any LGBTQ friends that live close by. Reexamining my prejudices against those who are LGBTQ would not have come unless I was Mormon. I now have gay friends that have changed my perspective. They are Mormon or former-Mormon. I have friends like Jerilyn Pool who have been doing the hard work of allyship for a long time. If the Church leaders tell me that I must love my LGBTQ brothers and sisters, what does that love look like? Does that mean waving and smiling at a transgender person in the community? Does it mean inviting a gay person, along with their spouse, over to eat at my home? What does that love look like?
I have two gay sisters that have caused me to reexamine by previous biases. It is my Mormonism and its beautiful doctrine of the eternal nature of families that pushed me to begin to form a relationship with my sisters that I never had; it’s still fresh and new and can easily be injured. It is my Mormonism that has led me to hear the stories of gay teen suicides within our faith community. It is my Mormonism, that led me to march in a Gay Pride Parade last year. I have a lot of work to do, but it is because I am Mormon, not despite it, that I am doing the work.
I sometimes think that discussing gender inequality, patriarchy, sexism, racism, homophobia are easiest when we are able to point at the LDS Church and its sins. I am convinced that it is more painful to take that finger and point it at myself. I am also convinced that the work of recognizing my own privileges and changing my perspective is just as difficult, and maybe more difficult, than changing the institutional racism, sexism, and homophobia.
I am Mormon. I am doing the hard work because of, not despite, my Mormonism.
What does your Mormonism demand of you?
Miguel Barker-Valdez
Miguel is a Guatemalan-American Mormon living in the Northwest with his family. He is one of the proprietors of the Rational Faiths blog.
All posts by Miguel Barker-Valdez
This is satire, right?
This is satire, right?
If not, I’m tired you self-loathing, ignorant, rich, “intellectual” white men who think that the remaining 99% of white men are privileged like you. The vast majority of white men have no greater chance than your mom of becoming a bishop or holding a high calling in the church.
It is a fantasy that white guys are born with “privilege” not afforded to women and minorities. Reverse discrimination is institutionalized in our country. It is easier for women and politically chosen minorities (i.e., not Asians) to get accepted to top schools, receive scholarships, gain employment, and receive promotions. I’ve seen this continually over the past 20 years, and it has only accelerated recently.
This is satire, right?
Good post. A lot of these thoughts resonate with me.
Michael,
You sound like the proud Pharisee in Luke 18 – “…God, I thank thee that I am not as other white men are, sexist, racist, and homophobic, or even as this publican.”
Your arrogance, pride, and lack of self-awareness (while thinking you’ve attained some advanced level of self-awareness) is astounding, and I feel embarrassed for you.
Sorry, U Ashamed Bro just hasn’t reached your level of awareness of his white privilege yet. Once he ahcieves your exalted levels, he too will be able to grovel for the approval of enlightened Mormons and enjoy wallowing is the sorrow of his privilege.
I hear Mike saying his understanding of his religion leads him to reach out to others different than he.
Surely this isn’t a bad thing?
For me personally, though, I see the new “white privilege” as just a substitute for the old “white guilt,” a concept I find harmful to whites and not helpful to non-whites.
What does it accomplish? Nothing that I can see.
Except to result in a society where it is okay to be proud to be black, but not proud to be white . . . a society where whites are expected to be ashamed of the color of their skin, regardless of what their accomplishments may be and how they treat their fellow human beings.
This, to me, is the worst kind of racism.
And I reject it completely and utterly.
Who we are is not determined by the color of our skin.
Who we are is determined by who we are.
At least that’s the way I see it.
To give a counter example to the first paragraph of the blog, what about a black straight male who is happily married and has a good job?
Is he also privileged?
Or does everything else mean nothing simply because he is black?
See where this leads?
Corbin,
I know we don’t interact much, but I respect you as a mind and spirit, and think you’re a good guy. I know you’re a lawyer, and very good at arguments. And I can be sloppy with my words. So I hesitate to post this. I don’t really want to argue, I just want to make a point about your understanding of privilege.
“Except to result in a society where it is okay to be proud to be black, but not proud to be white . . . a society where whites are expected to be ashamed of the color of their skin, regardless of what their accomplishments may be and how they treat their fellow human beings.”
Who says whites should be ashamed of the color of their skin? Shame is being a young black man who, regardless of ambition, is assumed to be a criminal or a drug dealer simply because of his appearance. Shame is knowing that parents are super uncomfortable about you dating their white daughter, simply because of your race. I could go on.
The difference between blacks demanding respect and whites demanding respect: blacks in the US (for a very long time) used to be property, and whites used to be perpetrators in an egregious, dehumanizing, and generationally destructive system. That wasn’t that long ago that it ended. Until the mid 60s, Blacks could not share a bathroom or a school or a restaurant seat with a white or marry a person of a different race in many states. By law. That was only some 50-60 years ago, and many of the people screaming and holding picket signs that said “No to integration” are still alive.
Among many other things, understanding privilege is recognizing that those things that people did for a very long time became institutionalized, and those attitudes didn’t simply go away when a law was passed. Racism is alive and well, and there are lots of statistics and data and examples to back that up. it’s just become less obvious.
You have no reason to be ashamed of your whiteness. Be proud of your heritage. But understand that, as you are adopted into a group that has historically been considered White (which meant, in the US, you were considered a person, unlike your black counterparts), and that this title of white comes with a history and a meaning and societal privileges that you may not even be fully aware of. As a person who demands that the LDS church acknowledge its history and do something about it, you ought to acknowledge the very real racial history that has plagued our nation for hundreds of years, and still rears its ugly head in 2015.
Dear Thomas,
You are a good guy, too, and I appreciate what you have written.
Of course I am aware of the history of race relations in the United States. I am also only too aware of race relations in the LDS Church.
And yes, I agree that slavery as practiced in the English colonies was a horrible thing; and no less horrible when the US declared its independence in 1776 and continued the practice in the southern states.
And the practice of slavery was no less horrible whenever and wherever it has been practiced in the history of the world, including black on black slavery.
And the modern-day Muslim on Christian slavery is just as horrible, if not more so.
But the US fought a war which ended slavery, in which 620,000 white Americans died.
Surely that much blood should atone for something.
And I am aware that those types of sentiments were not erased by the Civil War, but continued primarily in the South with segregation up through the 1950’s and 1960’s.
Does white prejudice against blacks continue even today in the US? Certainly. But it is not the problem it once was.
My objection is to the general idea that past injustices can now be rectified by reversing the roles and privileging blacks over whites.
What are we to say in a society that teaches whites are the cause of pretty much all historical evil?
Fifteen years ago my son was in the 8th grade and in his social studies class was taught in three successive units: (1) How bad white men were for practicing slavery in the U.S.; (2) How bad white men were for their treatment of the American Indians; (3) How bad white men were for interning Japanese-Americans during WWII.
My son is a white man. And he was shamed for being white. He took it into his psyche. He was supposed to. That is the whole idea.
That is when we took him out of the public school system.
Has the US made a lot of mistakes in its past? Absolutely. But the lion’s share of those mistakes as they relate to racism are in the past.
It seems that many want to keep these mistakes ever front and center in the public discourse, instead of giving equal focus and attention to the fact that the U.S. has given more people of all nationalities and color more opportunity than any other nation in the history of the planet.
And it seems that many also want to try to settle the score for racism on the part of white fathers by reversing the racism on their white sons. But I am not guilty for crimes my fathers did; nor is anybody else.
I believe in equality across the board.
I agree with Martin Luther King, Jr.:
“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.”
That’s all I’m saying, Thomas.
“But the lion’s share of those mistakes as they relate to racism are in the past.”
The effects of the war on drugs would say otherwise. As long as drug use between whites and people of color are almost equal, yet people of color are 2.5 times more likely to get arrested, racism is at play. The issues are complex but the data does prove that racism, albeit more subtle today than in the past, still exists on almost every level.
Thomas,
Thank you Thomas, for your comment.
Corbin,
You present it as racism not being the problem it once was yet you are not on the opposite end of white supremacy. You yourself are not impacted by the effects of slavery, segregation and laws created to keep Blacks in a certain socioeconomic status.
How are the lives of Blacks being privileged over whites? If anything, recent efforts have been to assert that we have the same right to life as our white brothers and sisters. The overarching issue is that the United States has refused to acknowledge that incidences of racism are not just random acts but rather, part of a larger systemic issue. One that is not confined to the South or among Conservatives, but exists among the North and Neoliberals who are ready to declare we can move on from these issues because MLK said a few words about equality and a few laws changed.
Blacks can not be racist against white people. It requires a level of institutional power that Blacks do not have over whites. You and your son may not be guilty of the crimes of the father, but that doesn’t mean you don’t benefit from legislative efforts to place Blacks and other people of color in the category of “Other”.
Also, I think it’s disingenuous to compare “Black on Black” slavery to chattel slavery in the US and not recognize the economic impact the latter had on a global scale.
What are we to say in a society that teaches whites are the cause of pretty much all historical evil?
We can tell the truth. We can talk about the impact Europeans and the Transatlantic slave trade had on a global scale. We can talk about the colonization of the Americas and other parts of the world. That truth has not been readily available but your first response is to cry foul now that society is starting to have honest conversations about white people?
Privilege simply means that you have been blessed with something that you yourself have not earned. Examples:
1)In my home, I had two parents who saw education as being important. I did not earn that, I was born into that privilege.
2)I was born heterosexual. I did nothing to earn that. Because of that privilege, I was able to marry when I became an adult.
3)I had two heterosexual, married parents raise me. That is something that is more likely to occur within white families, than black families. I did not earn that. I was born into that privilege.
You said:
Yes, Corbin, that black man would also be privileged. He is privileged because he is married and is a heterosexual. As you know, not until recently, homosexuals could not legally marry in most states.
Oh, and it’s just rich that you have a problem pointing out transgressions made by white men, unless of course those white men are leaders of the LDS Church. Haven’t you made your blogging career on Rational Faiths by constantly pointing out the transgressions of the white men that lead/have lead the LDS Church? Is it only offensive and okay to point out their transgressions because they have been perpetrated on you – a white man?
Oh the irony Corbin. Shame on you. You should know better.
What on earth are you getting at? The above makes no sense. I seems to be coming from a place of great anger. Why?
Because Corbin doesn’t drink your Kool-aid? Because he isn’t ashamed, and you think he should be? So much so, that you publicly state “Shame on you!” ??
What your point?
Here’s mine: I can turn your shame (of which you like to dish out liberally) on it’s venomous head. Shame on YOU, Mike Barker. Shame on you for ORDERING Corbin–no “please”, no conversation–a text ordering him to “Go defend me!”
Gag.
He was gracious to you. He stated what he thought you were trying to state. Was he wrong in his assessment?
Where he went wrong was in not saluting you, with a snappy Yes Sir!” And writing a good enough defense (in your small mind.)
But nothing is EVER good enough for people of your mindset. And it’s all talons and insults if a POV differs from yours.
Pretty pissed off, ain’t ya?
Place of privilege much?
Isn’t he the one who has swollen the readership of your Rational Faiths?
Obviously.
Nope, Mr. Privileged. You enact the ugliness that you decry.
Your subsequent text to Corbin is bad form. He ain’t your slave.
Tell your minions to stand down. Stop telling others to “go defend me!” You’re such a hot-house flower. That blows hot air.
His POV is part of a robust debate, that has every relevance in a country of mostly white people, where the rest of the world is trying to get to; some risking life and limb just to get to this place of privilege.
“White privilege” is a 1980’s term generated by those who want to continually see only skin color and not content of character;
not being content with white-generated programs like Affirmative Action; preferential admission to Universities; and the like.
“White Privilege” is a smothering statement…like being called a Racist…to STOP conversation, and put whites under the lash. The lash of guilt.
Being born in this country, for a long time now, is a place a privilege.
White people, are by and large, eager to lift and serve, extend dignity and hope to ALL people.
The heroes are those who don’t lament and foist negativity on others, but those who refuse to see color. Seeing instead content of character, need, dreams, respect, potential, and souls. Anything else, hurts everyone.
Like being a woman. A woman raised strict LDS and told to stay in the home, and shamed into leaving and/or foregoing a career.
Raised kids, instead of raised minds. Denied the conversation that both are possible.
My white kids were not privileged to lose their father at the ages of 8 and 4, with a mother plunged immediately into poverty.
We had rocks thrown through our windows, and spray-painted slurs on our home; we were released from jobs, and church callings (I think you could call it “SHAMED”) when it was found out my 1st husband had contracted AIDS. He and his brother were hemophiliacs. Remember Ryan White?
White guilt. It applies there, perhaps?
They all died. All those hemophiliacs, and gay men. Tortuously. Agonizingly. Mostly alone. All those white people? All those people! People.
“White privilege” blankets the landscape, throwing over a masking smog that obscures individual struggle and pain. It assumes way too much.
It seems to be USED to say “I am so great, because I greatly care and and recognize my own reflection.”
“Let me stare at it.”
It’s so narcissistic.
Then YOU, (Mike Barker) treat others like crap, because you can.
Thanks for underscoring how bankrupt this “White Privilege”conversation is, by those who foster it.
Signed,
Dee Volluz
aka Mermaidmood
I appreciate this comment “The heroes are those who don’t lament and foist negativity on others, but those who refuse to see color. Seeing instead content of character, need, dreams, respect, potential, and souls.” I believe this type of person is reflected in our children. Our children who will raise their children to see character and not color; and so on, and so on.
To talk about overcoming “White Privilege” when you were raised in a time of such prejudice, is one thing; but it is not the same for the upcoming generation. Prejudice looks differently to our children…..Thank You Sesame Street.
I too am grateful that Mormonism has led me where I am. I’m grateful that Mormonism taught me to continually seek and learn, and to do so with compassion.
Coming from where I do, I saw this post primarily as a message to those who disagree with certain positions or actions of the LDS church to step back and say, did I really get to where I am despite the LDS church, or did church do me more good than I sometimes want to give it credit for?