Jar drawing, circa 8th century BCE. Across the top is written, “Yaweh… and his Asherah.” Some scholars see this as evidence that the God of Judaism had a wife. Used by permission of the illustrator © Stéphane Beaulieu.
This is the first essay, in a series that rationalfaiths.com is doing, on the topic of Mother in Heaven. We will post one essay every Thursday for six weeks. Please return and read the other essays as well.
Click here to read the second essay in this series
The Stories We Tell
(OR…In Which CWC is Not Invited Back to the Ward Enrichment Activity)
By Sara Burlingame
“Heavenly Father loves Heavenly Mother so much, he just doesn’t want to see her name dragged through the mud,” and then, almost as an afterthought, as if in that moment, standing in the kitchen of Sister L who was teaching her fellow ward members and myself how to make delicious Korean noodles, “It’s kinda like in your marriage, you know?” No, I did not know. “Well, your husband wouldn’t want people to talk all bad about you, he’d want to protect you from that…right?”
Where to begin? For starters, my husband is one of the most conflict averse people on the planet. My name was being “dragged through the mud,” as it were, in the early days of our marriage. (We lived “in community,” which is like living on a commune but with more deodorant and less hugging.) One of our community members, an aging academic, was given to long tirades about the proper place of women in society which, coincidentally, was well below his own privileged place. Reader, we did not get along. It caused my husband no end of distress when I told him, “As long as R is telling people that I’m an unstable harridan, could you, at the very least, stop being so infernally nice to him?” He pledged to do better. We were having a “Common Meal” that evening, all families would gather in the Common House to cook and eat together. My husband would be firm. He would make it clear that there were consequences for besmirching the name of his one true love…What he did instead was offer R another burrito. It turns out that “protecting my good name” is something that ranks right below chewing glass on his list of things he’d like to do.
But not me. I like conflict, I like it particularly well when I am clearly in the right and can imagine music swelling behind me as I righteously decry vile acts and their pernicious perpetrators. It has happened, in the 15 years we’ve been together that someone has made the error of “dragging the good name” of my husband through the aformentioned mud. Not often, because he really is one of the saintliest, nicest men you’ll ever meet, but it has happened. In those rare moments I can feel my pulse quicken as my eyes narrow and I hiss between clenched teeth, very much like my role model for all things retribution-like, Clint Eastwood, “What did you just say?” That’s their cue to clutch their skirts, as Humperdink did and “drop your sword,” because I will happily, cheerfully verbally eviscerate anyone who runs down the name of my love.
What to make of this abdication of our eternal roles? Do my husband and I suffer from a rare form of gender dysmorphia? Or is it more likely that, like everything else in our partnership, we recognize that we are complicated and unique; there is no one-setting on the gender/class/sexuality/religion spectrum that speaks to our whole selves. I could not be who I am, some would say, who I was made to be, if that part of my nature was sunken under the unbearable weight of a Victorian role that gave me dominion over my stove, but not my soul.
But let’s come back to our Korean cooking class and the question posed by the woman named for a prophet who exhorted working women to “ Come home, wives, to your husbands. Make home a heaven for them.” Her earnest question, “He’d want to protect you from that…right?” was mind boggling to me for the dissonance it wasn’t causing in her. I’d seen her on the playground with her kids and not for a second did I think she seemed the type to stand by while her children were hurt and wait for a man to protect them all. It seemed very unlikely she’d shrug it off or wait for someone with priesthood authority to respond if someone dusted their heels in her husband’s direction. She looked like she’d go for a vein and ask questions later. So why was she cocking her head at me and repeating a trope she’d clearly been told dozens if not hundreds of times as though it was a new thought? It was worse to me then denying her Heavenly Mother, it was denying, even erasing herself. Like hell she’d stand by. Weirder, she knew she wouldn’t. It was just a story that she’d been told. A stupid, destructive story that turned the subjection of the female Godhead into a noble virtue.
Maybe it’s time we learned some new stories.
Sara Burlingame
CrazyWomanCreek is the online name of Sara Burlingame, Sara has been a blogger at feministMormonhousewives.org since 2009 when she wiled her way into Lisa Butterworth's heart with her atheist charm, love of Mormon feminism and bribes of home canned pickles. When she isn't blogging, canning, thrifting/dumpster- diving, parenting her three heathen boys or kissing her wildly handsome partner, Jason, she works at the Unitarian Universalist Church of Cheyenne as their Director of Religious Education. (It's like being Primary and YW's president only they pay you.) Sara has never been a Mormon, it is unlikely that she will ever be one but she considers herself a heartfelt ally to Mormon feminism.
All posts by Sara Burlingame
The idea that an all-powerful deity, co-creator of the universe, would be so worried about profanation of Her name that She would sever any meaningful connection with Her faithful children is clearly ridiculous.
It has also never made sense to me that my earthly mother shows her love by communicating with me and inviting me to communicate with her, but somehow my Heavenly Mother desires no such thing.
Which of you, if her daughter asks for bread, will give her a stone? Or if she asks for a fish, will give her a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Mother in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Her!
Copied from FMH:
Agreed regarding Elohim as a name-title; disagreed as to knowing the name of God (“Ahman”—in Adamic, at least—but he’s probably got more).
Re OP: the stories a community tells form the structural mythology through which its members tend to view the world. Even the different subgroups have their own stories (the martyrology of the September Six, for instance). So you are absolutely right to posit that changing out stories will change our culture, but it seems that effecting this change any faster than generationally (through your own family, mostly, and a little through your ward) is unlikely.
Unless you start telling some really kick-butt stories that dominate the narratives people want to tell—which is an argument for discussing spiritual gifts and manifestations publicly in person, in addition to online.
A transgender wife. 😉 But seriously, there is evidence linking Yahweh to Asherah. It just so happens that top picture is of the Egyptian God Bes, probably a doubling of that figure, and then the inscription is from a later unrelated hand.
Jared,
I have been looking for a person that could do a blog post about Asherah, but could only come up with Kevin Barney; he said that he is too busy to write for us. Do you know of someone that could approach the topic in a scholarly, yet approachable, manner?
mike
Although Asherah could be the female seated figure to the right.
Edwardj- it’s a doozy of a disconnect, I agree. Particularly given how frequently LDS kids are asked to make parallels between their HF and their earthly father- how bad would it suck if you asked kids to draw the same parallels between HM and their mom? Super.
“Unless you start telling some really kick-butt stories that dominate the narratives people want to tell—which is an argument for discussing spiritual gifts and manifestations publicly in person, in addition to online.”
Yes! and…no. I totally agree that the ability to tell compelling stories is a gift and is most likely where the large shifts in understanding comes in but some of the most powerful and transformative stories I’ve heard have been some of the most simple and unassuming. Margaret Toscano spoke at Sunstone 4 or 5 years ago about compiling a list of people’s visions of Heavenly Mother. There was a middle aged, hair thinning, totally unassuming, not accustomed to public speaking man sitting in front of Tresa Edmunds and myself. He stood up during the question and answer portion of the talk, spoke for less than two minutes and when he was done, Tresa and I were in tears. He said he’d had a rough few years, both in the Church and his personal life. He had lost the ability to pray or connect with any divine power and despaired of ever feeling that connection again when, unbidden and completely unexpectedly, he saw a vision of woman’s swollen belly. He instantly understood that it was his Heavenly Mother and he was and is the child inside her womb.
It was a very simple vision, it was a very simple telling but without people like Margaret asking the question, these simple stories just never get told.
The first thing I always think when people pass that soundbite around is that we are talking about the QUEEN OF HEAVEN here! Do we really believe that She is so defenseless and weak that they mere mention of Her name on human lips would do Her in? *I’m* not that weak, and somehow I doubt I have more strength than She does.
And the whole idea that a father needs to protect a mother from her own children is just weird. Seriously. Who comes up with this stuff? Of course Heavenly Father is not protecting Her from us. The problem is ours, not Theirs.
Right? That trope only works as long as we don’t connect that dot. It’s not WWHM do? It’s WWID! And since I’m not anywhere near being supernatural. mythic, archetypal or whatever, She’s GOT to be at least that.
I read this article the other day from the Meridian magazine deconstructing 3 myths we have about our Heavenly Mother, I used it this month for teaching about Divinity in my SS youth class. I had a great feedbak from the youth and there was also a counselor of bishopbric present who thanked me for bringing the topic of Heavenly Mother.
The article deconstructs those 3 myths:
Myth 1: Church leaders do not speak of her, so we should not.
Myth 2: She exists, but we know nothing else about her.
Myth 3: Our silence protects her against being blasphemed and slandered as the Father and the Son are.
http://www.ldsmag.com/article/1/11842
I agree that was a surprising and great article in *Meridian* (of all the unexpected places!) I think the hollow feeling in my stomach comes from the complete whitewashing of the Church’s actual history in dealing with public discussion of HM. Margaret Toscano, Janice Allred and many others paid a very heavy price for it and pretending otherwise diminishes what was done to them. (Not at all saying that was your intent, Frenchgirl!)
Yay, a lesson for FHE next week.
This article is good for refuting the three myths but it clearly references the instruction that we can’t pray to Heavenly Mother. So, it is OK for us to talk of our Heavenly Mother and learn of her but we can’t talk to her. The fact that we are not “allowed” to address her in our prayers most definitely points to her not being equal to Heavenly Father. Why couldn’t we address both of our Heavenly Parents in prayer?
I laughed my way through this because I can SO identify with the roles you describe for yourself and your husband to a ‘T’. This is exactly my husband and myself! If you dropped him and I into that scenario, the results would be identical.
Your real point though about learning new stories is well taken.
OR we all have gender dysmorphia… 🙂 Glad it resonated with you. My minister friend just asked my husband, “IS it because Sara is a feminist that she has a smartphone and you don’t?” No, Pastor Eric, it’s because we’re confused about our eternal gender roles.
Big strawman with the arguement you were given is that while a husband may want to protect his wife from being dragged through the mud, he still lets her go out in the world, to be known, and he speaks of her.
What is this “let” that you speak of, Starienite, I know it not. 🙂
There is no doubt in my mind that Sara is one of the most genuine, authentic people I have ever met. That she is eloquent and freaking smart is just icing on the cake. Sorry, had to sing her praises, she just amazes me so. I see the conversation of HM becoming more mainstream and relevant as time goes by. I hope it continues. Locking her in the attic is just not cutting it.
“Locking her in the attic” – love it and love you Ms Margie!
“…he really is one of the saintliest, nicest men you’ll ever meet”
Truth.
It really is weird how we just accept things we wouldn’t believe if thought about it, even for a few seconds. Once a stake president gave me an assignment which required me to interact with the ward Relief Societies in the stake. This man was one of the worst I have ever seen at florid Mother’s Day rhetoric about angel mothers, and he couldn’t find a pedestal high enough for his own wife. Anyhow, when he was giving the assignment, he also game me some advice. “If you see that there is going to be some conflict, stay out of it. Because when these some of these women go for each others’ throats, brother, you don’t want to be standing in between them.”
He meant “go for their throats…with love. And gentle chiding.” HOW ELSE would you reconcile those two statements? 🙂
EdwardJ,
Boo-yah!
My Dad tells the story of a time in SS when the teacher asked, “What is the role of the husband?” someone dutifully answered, “He is the protector.” My Dad raised his hand and said, “Protector from what? Bears?” I’ve always loved that story.
On a much less serious note of doctrine, this reminds me of something a young mom in my ward said during Relief Society; “Joseph Smith was inspired with the Word of Wisdom revelation because citrus fruits are in-season during the winter time, therefore we eat less meat”. Huh? As soon as she said that, I realized she’s just reguritating a story she probably heard a thousand times during seminary/FHE/Sunday School/YW/What have you.
Sara, brilliant. I too am prone to musical swells as my wrath unfolds on those who would drag names of those I love through the mud–righteous indignation is truly an art form.
I never could reconcile that one who is a goddess would be afraid of her name being misused or abused; what exactly would make her a goddess then if she was not able to withstand slings and arrows from such a lowly creature as mankind? pffft! Hogwash!
The truth is that both men and women alike need their Heavenly Mother. We need Her, because without Her we are incomplete. Without Her, our history is incomplete, as is our mission here on Earth. Where is the example of what becomes of us? Where is the example of what becomes of our sisters, daughters, mothers, grandmothers, aunts, etc… we are silenced enough and *I* love Heavenly Mother, so *I* will be damned if anyone will drag Her name through the mud by intimating that she is so soft and shallow that she would hide her face from her creations.
yes- I hadn’t thought of it that way but the story as told makes not just HF but humanity in a seat of authority over HM. WHat’s that thing the gods don’t like? Oh yeah, hubris…
Has anyone heard of the theory of the angel strengthening Christ in Gethsemane as possibly being HM? When I read that somewhere, it penetrated my heart deeply.
What a beautiful idea! Our Heavenly Mother is all over in the scriptures, if we know where to look for Her.
Another thought I had was that the name Elohim, in certain cases, is plural Hebrew word meaning the Gods, perhaps referring to both HF and HM. Also, God says, “Let us make man in our image.” It would make a lot of sense if HF was saying that to HM, which would account for both male and female.
At any rate, it’s obvious that the theory of hiding HM as a protection is another of many cultural biases imposed on our Creators.
I’ll say that we don’t when know the name of God. Elohim=gods, Jehovah=Lord, etc. Even Jesus Christ is Greek titles to take the gospel to the gentiles. Jesus’ real name may have been yeshua ben yoseph. Having that said, we know virtually nothing about heavenly mother because men are the narrators. Heavenly mother came more from Eliza Snow than Joseph Smith. As long as men are the only ones that are to be prophets, seers, and revelators then the story of only one gender will be told because you project yourself into the dialog, and that’s why only men are referred to in the scriptures. God reveals according to our language and understanding and I don’t know how many men think in terms of their predicament being the experience of a woman.
http://www.wheatandtares.org/2013/01/22/the-plan-of-asherah/
I just blogged on Asherah this week, sort of a book review of William Dever’s book Did God Have a Wife? (one of Kevin Barney’s sources for his excellent Dialogue article).
Glad someone pointed out that Elohim is plural (El is singular, Elat is singular feminine). Asherah was originally viewed at consort of El, but later was associated with Yahweh, although this just seems like people got confused over time. Later she got the heave-ho from the reformers who were Yahweh all the way.
Asherah is linked with Lady Wisdom in the Bible (which makes a boatload more sense than thinking it’s a metaphor for wisdom) and the word “happiness” which was a near homonym for Asherah. Asherah’s symbols includes trees and olive oil, and she is linked to creation, specifically creating life in the waters.
This argument that God wants to protect her name is just such utter bollocks I don’t know what to say to people who say it. Are women so frail that they need to be protected from their own children? Ridiculous. I’d prefer to think she’s hiding in plain sight, although I can’t say I find it 100% convincing either.
Hawkgrrl,
Thanks for the link. I’ll read it and probably use it for my lesson tomorrow. I am the YM President in my ward and this month we are talking about the Godhead. Tomorrow is the last lesson of the month and I will be touching on Mother in Heaven. Should be fun.
One of our readers contacted us and is going to write a post on Asherah for us. It will be the fifth essay in our Mother in Heaven series.
By the way, Wheat and Tares did not include our blog for their “best new blog” of 2012. So we are encouraging people to do a “write in vote” for rationalfaiths.com.
This is kind of a tangent but your last thought about not finding any of the explanations “100% convincing” makes me wonder how much of a hurdle this is for a generation that was raised with no connection, no object lessons, no stories (midrash, fiction or non), few references, and no prayers to HM- it’s a pretty deep disconnect and I think it makes speculation or discernment even harder because there is just so little foundation for it. But what if this generation were raised in a way that HM at least had her foot in the door? I think those connections would start coming and they wouldn’t be so skeptical of those connections. Does that make sense?
Absolutely, Sara. I can’t help but feel we’re moving into an age of enlightenment about feminine diety. . . The next generation will hopefully have much greater awareness of and connection to HM. –See below –From my daughter’s facebook status (my grand daughter, “H” is 4 years old):
January 16
During FHE…
Me: Heavenly Father and Jesus love you, H.
H: AND Heavenly Mother! She loves me too.
Clayton Harrison and I looked across the table at eat other with massively beaming faces. We have a brilliant, and insightful daughter, and we’re not afraid to brag about it.
So, I used your blog-post, Kevin Barney’s article, Dan Peterson’s article, and Mark Pulido’s article, as my source material for my lesson today on Heavenly Mother. My Priest Quorum, bishop, and CES-man really liked it.
Thanks for your great post on Wheat and Tares
mike
Did you mean my post or hawkgrrls? either way- it sounds awesome and i’d love to hear about people’s reactions.
I meant Hawkgrrls. I did use some of your material too. Challenged the idea that God the Father is protecting Her.
The Church is adamant about the importance of growing up in a two-parent family. And yet…
The church worships two eras: the Victorian era and the 1950s. The rhetoric we hear largely fits within these perimeters. We want “angel mothers” in the home and on pedestals. This type of Heavenly Mother explanation probably worked well for a time because it fit the rhetorical ideal, but members are now seeing how archaic church rhetoric has become. They’re seeing how these explanations break down when taken to their logical conclusion. If we are to look to God as an example of what we might become, women must also have a role model, because they know how hurtful it can be to be the silent, ignored partner here on earth.
Great article, Sara!
Michael Barker,
Do you mean to suggest that Asherah may actually be a reference to Heavenly Mother?
For those who are interested, I can recommend a new Facebook group called the Finding Heavenly Mother Project. It is associated with a website of the same name, at http://www.poetrysansonions.com
https://www.facebook.com/groups/467349696664222/
Thanks Edward. I just sen a request to join the group. If you know any of the members who would like to write an essay for this series, send them our way.