There is a young woman in my ward who has been suspended. She has been suspended for a few weeks, for nothing more than texting a few boys some flirty texts. How do I know this? I am part of the my wards Young Women’s presidency, the same one the bishop told her to explain why she was having privileges taken away. I have seen as the invisible muzzle placed on her has impacted my immediate world- she cannot answer questions, sing hymns, or participate in programs with us. She is a forced mute in my class, 16 years old, and silent.
Her father is my bishop. While I have discussed with him the harshness of this punishment, and have talked (at length) to my Young Women’s president, I realize that my hands are tied. I have no real power in this situation. I love her and I have told her I do not agree. I have told her father-my bishop- that I am not okay with this.
In mentioning my fury about this to my mother, she asked “Do you think this would be different if you had the priesthood?” and with a knee jerk reaction, I heard “No” out loud, from myself. My mother was taken aback, but this external expression changed something. I felt the word like a stone, and sunk deep in the ocean of my loneliness. I have sat with this question and felt as it burnt holes into me- why, really, is it a no?
The thing is, outside of the U.S. there is no real power for members of the church. My area presidency is composed of 2/3’s American men and all three are white men. We can talk about inequality that women face all day long, but those women are always American women with a sprinkling of a few approved outsiders to this norm. Mexicans don’t even have institutional power in their own areas and the Progressive Mormon circles are no better. They are plagued by the same disease they accuse the church of having- narrow mindedness. A bubble. Thinking inside of their comfort zone.
The call to women and the priesthood has always asked for the help of women like me without doing very little to actually consider our struggle. If women were to get the priesthood, what would that mean? For people like me, hardly anything. Our area presidency is composed of Americans. The body of leadership in the church is composed of White, American dudes.
ProgMo circles benefit from the diversification voices like mine bring to the table but at the end of the day, it is akin to having the argument of voting for Hillary or Bernie because “Any Democrat is better than a Republican!”- Sure, if you’re white, and American I am sure it makes a difference. Otherwise it is the same old thing to the rest of us.
I realize I am very privileged in being able to express this opinion because in a lot of these circles, I am accepted. But I am under no illusion that is it because I am Mexican, or because I am a mujerista. I know I am accepted because I am easily digested- because my English is without accent, because I get that pop culture, because so many people see themselves reflected in me. It is a sad realization, but it is true and I’d hope we are at a point where you can stop giving yourself brownie points for including a few non-American, non-white folks on your list to make you feel better about yourself at night. We can all spout off the 3 or 4 that you are thinking of. It does not make you progressive. It makes you .2 degrees left of Boyd K. Packer.
The ProgMo Mormon world is so Americanized, so white centered, so concerned with small pockets of the U.S., and here I am seeing a slow change happening in my own corner of the world. This last week I spoke with a childhood friend who lives a stone’s throw away from me, and in the course of our 3 hour conversation, he told me how he didn’t really believe in the church anymore. It was a shift of tectonic proportions.
Obviously, so many of us can relate to these feelings of struggle- once you stare into that void that makes up the distance between the Christ we feel and the Christ that is commodified for our consumption, you are changed.
But the ProgMo movements in all their glory- things like Feminist Mormon Housewives, and Ordain Women, Young Mormon Feminists and Mormon Stories are more of the same. Even FEMWOC, the organized movement of Mormon women of color is modeled almost identically like white ProgMo movements and seems at times, more like a response and it frustrates me to no end because these women- these brilliant as all get out, smart, strong women, end up being echoes. They are all American, with a smattering of outside voices (again, the same 4 people).
It’s such a shame, especially when considering the richness of thought that exists here and in all these other places outside the U.S. My childhood friend is not the only one slowly coming into a faith crisis.
I realize the irony of writing this in a blog that is fairly popular in the ProgMo community, one that shares a lot of traits with these spaces. To you this may be bridge burning, but you are missing the point. This isn’t taking where you stand into context- this is taking account of the fact that I can stand on my own, and after begging you so much to look at me, it is me telling you that I have realized that I just really want to celebrate the majority of the membership with ties to more than one land, and more than one definition of melanin.
I don’t plan to support you. I will come visit once in a while, I will participate in a thing or two, but please don’t ask me to come and participate in your rallies, in your letter writing, in your you-centered business. I am done being your footnote. I have an opus that your 15 second concession of a solo cannot accommodate.
You might want to know what the answer is, but you’ll forget this soon enough. You can’t benefit from me or count me as an asset if I don’t stick to you, right? Maybe at some point we can join forces. But for now, I will leave you with one of my favorite parts of that three hour conversation:
His voice was almost cautious, and deliberate in picking his words. “Azul, you know, I don’t want to argue about whether the Lord is calling white apostles. But if that is what the Lord is calling, and if I ask about that- why is it me questioning God? The church only cares about issues once they happen in the United States. How long has gay marriage been legal here? Over a decade at least. And I know it has been the same in other countries. But the Mormon God only seems to focus in the U.S., at least if I believe the apostles are speaking for him. That makes me a second class Mormon. I don’t want to be a second class Mormon. I don’t think God sees me that way.”
I am unorthodox in the way I am joined to the body of Christ.
I don’t want to be a second class progressive Mormon.
Azul Uribe
Azul is a binational (culturally) girl who currently resides in Merida, Mexico with her cat Chloe. Her work has been published in numerous other blogs, including Young Mormon Feminists, and she writes about re-assimilating , immigration and life in general over at www.happycosmopolite.wordpress.com. Her favorite Beatle is George Harrison and she hopes to someday be able to own a puppy.
All posts by Azul Uribe
I don’t want you to be one either.
I’ve been lamenting this a lot lately, but I believe the church doesn’t deserve any of its progressive members, least of all WOC. It doesn’t deserve the faith of its worldwide disciples.
Based on the behavior of its apostles of late, I think the church only really deserves the zealots it’s made.
I really wish that ProgMo communities would take steps toward deserving you too.
Azul, Thanks so much for writing this. I have now read this three times to see if I can “get it” more. I certainly don’t see this as “bridge burning”, but I am not sure I have understood your main point. It sounds like you have a very irritating situation with your bishop. I don’t quite get the connection with that and you feeling like the progressive Mormon community is ignoring you. I for one feel like this whole Progressive Mormon group is all new to me – less than 2 years, but I am trying to understand better how it could make you feel more included and work towards your interests.
I hope this does not irritate you more. I am trying to understand a bit more.
Azul,
Thank you. I wish I had answers for you. There is something I read in Sociology once that I think applies to your situation. It was an article called “The token O”, about how the majority reacts to a minority. Even a benevolent ‘reaction’such as described there is wrong. It really makes the Church no better than those who called indigenous peoples ‘heathens’ and attempted to colonize and convert them.
I see the problem you describe, but I am at a loss as to how I can help. What can I do, beyond publicizing the plight of LDS women outside the US?
Wonderful blog Azul. I live in Canada and we have had gay marriage since July 2005 so I completely understood what you meant regarding the church only seeming to notice when something is happening in the US.
When I was a missionary in South Africa, working in a 'black' township among some very poor people, the CES film being show to them had a speaker talking on keeping the Sabbath day holy. His words were, "Nobody needs to go shopping on the Sabbath, we all have fridges." I was appalled at the insularity displayed by the church and a film like that being shown to some people who didn't have food or a fridge.
My favorite Beatle was Paul 🙂
Wonderful blog Azul. I live in Canada and we have had gay marriage since July 2005 so I completely understood what you meant regarding the church only seeming to notice when something is happening in the US.
When I was a missionary in South Africa, working in a 'black' township among some very poor people, the CES film being show to them had a speaker talking on keeping the Sabbath day holy. His words were, "Nobody needs to go shopping on the Sabbath, we all have fridges." I was appalled at the insularity displayed by the church and a film like that being shown to some people who didn't have food or a fridge.
My favorite Beatle was Paul 🙂
Thought provoking post for sure. Regarding the 16 year old girl in your class, perhaps her dad, your bishop, is a bit harsh and overstepping his bounds, but this will be one of the many mistakes he will make as a father and a bishop. This too will pass.
Regarding the other issues you raise, the American Mormons vs. the Mexican ones, and of course the issue about the color barrier….that is a concern, and one that does provoke thought. Those of us who have been around the church for a long time, we don't see that changing. Ever. The ones who control things are not apt to allow that to change. Power, control, other self-righteous vices- the "what have I done wrong?" syndrome- that's not going anyware I don't think. It's not changed at all since I've been old enough to remember at least.
I love your blogs, your writing and your insightfulness. You are a treasure, as are many more like you, and it is my hope that treasures like you are soon recognized so that you can be protected. Otherwise, I fear you will either be driven out or leave on you own accord. Good luck and keep writing.
I wonder if the bishop limited his daughter from full participation for a long- or short-term time period. To some readers, that distinction is not relevant, either long or short will be viewed as a penalty and intended to get her back in line. It is not clear what harm was expressed in her “texting a few boys some flirting texts.” A lot or little stands behind that phrase; I simply cannot assess it fairly from afar.
This is an all too common story: some leader going rogue, exacting his/her own form of justice, punishment, and control. And, you rightly point out that church culture is Western US States centric, white and male dominated. That doesn't mean there aren't female and darker shades of unrighteous dominion. Still, what can and what should one do in light of these facts? Some choose to leave the church. Some stay and try to change it. Others choose to let things run their course and evolve. Many can't care too much because they're just trying to make a living and keep body and soul together and just don't have the excess time or mental energy to devote to these obvious flaws and weaknesses of the church. I have found the church's flaws have taught me way more about Christ than its triumphal claims. Christ himself faced a flawed religious hierarchy and stark insider/outside dynamics during His time. Even He couldn't change the institution much (they held court and executed Him instead). But He did make an impact on many lives. I'm sure you're making a much larger impact than you might think in times of frustration with the dumb actions of a immature bishop, or, when you feel marginalized by a Utah base hierarchy.
Often times, the oppressed take on the characteristics of the oppressed. Since all they know is the image of the oppressor, they fear the true freedom that liberation offers and themselves take on the image of those who oppressed them. I highly recommend "Pedagogy of the Oppressed" by Paolo Feire.
Sorry, it should have said "the oppressed tak on the characteristics of the oppressor."
Forgive me for being so new to the ProgMo movement. Reading this very eloquent article, my thoughts only turn to the One who suffered all things, mostly at the hands of His own people even… Condemned by leaders that professed to be enforcing a law that He Himself wrote, and had come to fulfill… And asks us to follow Him. Most assuredly there is injustice that claims to be just in the world, nothing new. Fortunately, there is one who is not of this world that solved that problem for us, so long as we have an eternal perspective.