We are living in dark times when the family is under constant attack. As the Church has sought to be a beacon in these perilous times, it has become a target for the adversary, who would seek to corrupt the tightly woven non-stretchy fabric of society. Recently the Lords football team, even The Cougars, has sought entrance into the Big 12 Conference. This would be a great boon to the Church financially as it would lighten the burden of funding one of the pillars of our faith. The strains on the tithing funds of the Church are beginning to appear unmanageable. TV is fetching expensive! The resistance to BYU’s admission to this prestigious conference is clearly the work of Satan who would seek to add stretchiness to society’s fabric. We can see no other reason. In addition, religious freedom is also under attack too.
Many would assume that the ambassador of our faith is the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, but this is not true. Many more godless, potential tithe payers are exposed to college football. Imagine the tragedy of the Church losing the legacy of Robbie Boscoe, Jim McMahon, Ty Detmer and Steve Young? (Well, not so much Steve Young, he is a little too stretchy.) Just look at BYU-Idaho. It has no sports and there is simply nothing to do now in Rexburg. The thought of this happening in Provo, is inconceivable.
As we have sought the will of the Lord on this matter, The First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, have received a revelation-like communication that seems like it probably could have come from the Lord. We have decided to make adjustments to the Church’s Tithing slips. As you will notice below, one can now donate money directly to BYU Football. We have lawyers working to ensure that this new donation category will be tax deductible in the U.S. and hopefully, other wealthy parts of the world.
We pray that you and your families will make it a matter of prayer when deciding on how to best use your humanitarian donations. Many have been stalwart in giving beyond your means – sometimes paying your rent late or not feeding your children in order to pay tithing. We know with most of the fibers in our beings that you will be blessed with televised football as you consider donating to the Church’s true ambassador of Mormonism, even The Cougs. We commend you for your faith in defending the family against the onslaught of gay marriage, ESPN, U of U, and in upholding the one and only true Football team, Truly even BYU. We all know that Coach Kalani Sitake and his offensive line are the last true defense of the family. We thank you for your earnest, diligent consideration of this popular issue.
The Council of the First Presidency and Quorum of Twelve Apostles