Moroni is one of the most crucial figures in the Restoration. According to Joseph’s accounts, Moroni acted as Joseph’s angelic tutor for 6 years. According to Joseph’s accounts, Moroni prepared this unschooled farmboy for the immense mantle of prophethood. According to President George Q.Cannon, “[Joseph Smith] was visited constantly by angels. . . . Moroni, in the beginning, as you know, to prepare him for his mission, came and ministered and talked to him from time to time, and he had vision after vision in order that his mind might be fully saturated with a knowledge of the things of God, and that he might comprehend the great and holy calling that God has bestowed upon him.”
So, it was during this time that Joseph was prepared for the tumultuous years to come. Joseph never explicitly discussed the content of these visits, but from what we know about prophethood, we can piece together a pretty good idea. It probably went something like this:
“He called me by name, and said unto me that he was a messenger sent from the presence of God to me, and that his name was Moroni; that God had a work for me to do; and that my name should be had for good and evil among all nations, kindreds, and tongues, or that it should be both good and evil spoken of among all people” (JS—H 1:33).
Moroni: Joseph, stayeth where thou art. It is I, Moroni. Alright… now that we’re off the record, I am going to just talk like a normal person, OK? It’s hard to keep that Olde English stuff up.
Joseph: (flabbergasted), Yes sir.
Moroni: So Joseph, you may think being a prophet sounds like a lot of fun. Take it from a guy who had some time to enjoy being a prophet- you know, wandering around in constant fear of your life, having to eat small rodents and moss off logs. Yeah, it’s great….
OK, sorry, that was a little sarcastic for an angel. I’ll try to be brief. Joseph, you really, really need to behave yourself. For example- this treasure seeking business has got to stop.
Joseph: Oh, that? Yeah, I guess I could try and cut that out.
Moroni: I can’t really overstate the point. So, your sins are seen by God, and sometimes they’re seen by man. But someday…everyone will know EVERYTHING.
Joseph: At the Judgement Bar?
Moroni: No, before that. Here. (iPad appears in hands) Take a look at this.
Joseph: What is this thing?
Moroni: Oh, sorry. I assumed you knew. These are everywhere up in Heaven. It’s an iPad. Someday, the church will be spread across the entire world, and millions of local and stake leaders will begin to use these instead of scriptures. Missionaries will use them to carry God’s message into the homes of…Why is this thing not working? Oh, sorry, the OS is updating. Give me a minute…I wish this thing would hurry because I am at like 5%. (Whistles impatiently) I’m surprised we get WiFi here.
Joseph: What’s Wi….never mind.
Moroni: Here we go. Google. This thing is going to be a kicker. I mean, your worst enemy. People will be able to type in your name and learn all sorts of stuff about you. Here, lemme show you. Lets start out a question. This is actually a lot of fun… (Types) Was…Joseph Smith..
Joseph: Hey! This says ‘Was Joseph Smith a false prophet?” and “Was Joseph Smith crazy?” Those jerks! They don’t even know me! How do they get those?
Moroni: Well, they’re common search items from other people’s search history. Word to the wise-Don’t ever think that no man knows your search history. Ha!
Joseph: I don’t get it.
Moroni: Sorry, I should have kept that one to myself. Not that funny. Anyway,That’s not even the worst. Press the ‘ Image Search’ button.
Joseph: (Silent…rubs temples) Hmm. Wait a second, is that supposed to me?
Moroni: This is a picture of this very moment right now being depicted in animated form. They sure got my hair wrong, though.
Joseph: Woah. Very metaphysical. Lets see. (Scrolls) The Book of Mormon- The Musical? It says here in this decide thing that it is an award winning musical! Can this thing play some music from the show?
Moroni: Oh, yeah, that. Lets pass on that.
Moroni: Just trust me on this one.
Joseph: Moroni, let me just say this. I really have to think all of this over now. I suppose I really will be known by millions of people as a charlatan. Well, I’m fine if they attack me. I’ve faced enough opposition that I’m used to it now.
Moroni: Well, if it’s any consolation, millions of people will revere you as one of the most important figures in their faith tradition. Not all of them will worry themselves with the results of Google searches. Here. lets go to LDS.org. It’s the official church website in the future. See, you can see that the church has become a worldwide endeavor.
Joseph: This article looks interesting- Race and the Priesthood.
Moroni: Eh, here, give me that thing. Anyway, I will be back next year. If you have any questions in the meantime, you’ll just have to wallow in existential dread for a little bit. Sorry, that’s the way it works.
Moroni disappears in a glowing beam of light.
Brilliant! We need more like this. We really need to laugh at ourselves more and get past the cultural taboos of humor in our culture. I’m thinking about a post about it.
I got a good chuckle from this. Thanks.
Fun post! I always had a feeling it went down in this way. Now I know.