Mormonism’s Bishop
by Michael Barker
I used to be the Young Men’s President in my ward.
When I first sat down with my counselors, I told them explicitly that I would be approaching some of the sticky issues with our LDS Church history. This caused concern with one of my counselors and he spoke to me about it. I frankly didn’t understand his concern. He told me, “If we lose just one boy because of something you have taught, that is one too many.” I responded, “True, but we already know what is happening when we don’t talk about these things openly. People leave the Church and they leave in pain.”
The first combined Aaronic Priesthood lesson I taught was about Joseph Smith using his seer stones that he had used for treasure digging, for receiving the Book of Mormon. My bishop asked me to give a Part II for the lesson. I did. In part two I gave handouts with all the primary quotes showing the process through which the Book of Mormon was revealed; Joseph with his head in a hat looking at one of his peep stones. The boys didn’t find it any weirder than the traditional story of using the Nephite Interpreters.
A few months later in Priest Quorum, we talked about the treatment of blacks in our church. I gave my bishop a copy of my DVD, No Man Knows: The Untold Story of Black Mormons, so he could preview it before I used it for my lessons. He approved and for a whole month we watched the DVD and then spoke openly about what was presented. It went well.
Disillusionment, Disenchantment, and Anger
A few months later, I found out that some of the adults didn’t like me teaching history as it actually happened. Complaints came regularly to my poor bishop, but no one would come and speak with me directly. It really bothered me that members in my congregation wouldn’t just speak with me.
I saw the writing on the wall. I knew that my calling would not last very long. I was “kicking against the pricks.” My understanding of the discord I was causing in my ward didn’t make it any easier when my bishop called me into his office to talk.
With tears in his eyes, he let me know that he was going to release me as the Young Men’ s President. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t angry. I was very angry, but not angry at my bishop; I was angry at my ward. Angry at them for not being mature enough to speak to me directly. Angry for them not sitting and reasoning with me.
I told my wife that I was going to call the Elder’s Quorum President and ask to be released from my home-teaching families. One of these families was a part-member family.
A few years back, the father found their infant, who had cerebral palsy, not breathing. He attempted CPR to no avail. She died. I went over with my bishop later that day. He had been a bishop for only a few months. What does one say? The next day, the mother let me know that she wanted me to speak at their daughter’s funeral service. My heart exploded that she would allow me such a privilege. In my anger, this was one of the families from which I was asked to be released.
As I told my wife of my decision to be released from home-teaching, she wisely told me to slow down. She knows I am rash. She knows I am hot tempered. I figured if my gift to my ward was not acceptable, nothing I had to offer was acceptable. I would take it all away – decision I still regret.
My bishop called me a day or two later to see how I was doing. I really let into him. I told him my disappointment with the lack of maturity of the adults in my ward. Why would they run tattling to him like little children? Why? I understood why he would release me. We live in a poor part of the city. There are lots of low-income families needing financial help. There are lots of half-way houses for drug addiction programs and it falls under my bishop’s stewardship to visit those members. The problems I was causing this young bishop, as I saw it, were just too much. If his life could be easier by my release, why wouldn’t he?
Sometime later my bishop listened to Sarah Collette’s interview of John Dehlin on the A Thoughtful Faith podcast. In this interview John spoke of his disillusionment with the institutional church and what brought him back. His Stake President just started listening to him. His Stake President would read books that John recommended. They would meet weekly. My bishop asked me if I would like to meet with him weekly to just talk. I said yes.
The first time he came over to the house on a Wednesday night, it was nine o-clock in the evening. He smiled and said, “So, what are we going to do?” We chatted and then decided we would talk about some of the tough issues that are causing contemporary Mormons to leave the Church. We would start with the Book of Abraham. I discussed briefly some of the issues. I showed him the original facsimiles and how what we have in the Book of Abraham doesn’t accurately depict the different scenes from the original scrolls. He listened.
He came the next week. He looked tired. He is a high-school Spanish teacher. He is the high-school cross-country coach. He has four sons between the ages of ten and three. I can’t imagine his burden. How tired he looked; he just isn’t very good at hiding how he is feeling.
I called him a few weeks later and told him that I could tell how exhausted he was and that he didn’t need to meet with me on a weekly basis anymore. He was grateful that I was able to see his exhaustion. I told him I was still upset, but “had stepped away from the ledge.”
Sometime later he called me and asked if I would help out with a fifth-Sunday combined Priesthood/Relief Society lesson. He wanted me to talk about my faith crisis and how to approach those who may be experiencing a faith crisis with less judgement and more love. He had also asked a sister in our ward, a recent leg amputee, who was being trained as a grief counselor, what we could do to help those who are struggling with physical disabilities and loss. It was a wonderful Sunday.
Blessings
A couple of months later my cell phone rang around 11:00 p.m. I thought for sure it was one of my brothers calling me. I was a bit annoyed because they know I go to bed at 9:00. However my cell phone said, “Bishop Wallace”. I thought for sure something was wrong with a member in my ward. I answered, “Hello?” It was his wife, Shawna. Bishop Wallace was in the ER having severe abdominal pain. He had her call me to ask if I would come in and help give him a blessing. Me? He could have asked one of his counselors. He could have asked the Elder’s Quorurm President. He could have asked his brother-in-law. But he didn’t, he asked me.
I drove to the ER. In his room was his father-in-law, a bishop and a past Area Authority. My bishop looked to be in a lot of pain. His eyes were closed. I anointed and his father-in-law blessed. Bishop went home later that evening, but returned shortly after to be admitted because of the pain. He was hospitalized for almost a week. I visited him a few times and we would chat.
In our many conversations before and after my release, my bishop has told me that my unique experience with almost resigning my membership due to my crisis of faith has given me a unique perspective. Once he shared the following quote with me:
“Like being lost, survival is a transformation; being a leader can ensure that, when you reach the final stage of that metamorphosis, it is with an attitude of commitment, not resignation. The transformation of survival is permanent. People who have had the experience often go on to become the best search and rescue professionals. They have come to understand, perhaps unconsciously, that they can only live fully by helping others through that same transformation. All the survivors I’ve talked to have told me how horrible the experience was. But they have also told me, often with a deep puzzlement, how beautiful it was. They wouldn’t trade the experience for anything in the world” (Laurence Gonzales, Deep Survival: Who lives, who dies, and why, 174).
Isn’t that quote perfect? I feel an obligation to reach out to others that are in pain due to historical, doctrinal, and social issues within the Church. I definitely don’t have all the answers. And sometimes the best answer to stop the pain is for that person so sever their relationship with the institutional Church. It pains me to say that, but it is the truth. However, I do know that much of this pain can be diminished by just listening and being present with the person that is struggling.
So, where am I now? The chaos of my faith transition is gone. The “head-work” almost done. Emotional-work, the heart-work, is still in a very dynamic state. But things are calmer.
Blacks and the Mormon Priesthood
I emailed my bishop the link to the Church’s web-page discussing its history in regards to those of Black-African descent the day it came out. We exchanged emails about it. He told me that he was going to address it in Sacrament meeting. The Sunday he discussed it, the Stake President was on the stand. I’ll never forget as he read what I believe is the most powerful paragraph:
“…Today, the Church disavows the theories advanced in the past that black skin is a sign of divine disfavor or curse, or that it reflects actions in a premortal life; that mixed-race marriages are a sin; or that blacks or people of any other race or ethnicity are inferior in any way to anyone else. Church leaders today unequivocally condemn all racism, past and present, in any form…”
Isn’t that wonderful? But wait, it gets better. Shortly after I emailed him the link, he let me know that he was going to teach the fifth Sunday lesson in December, and that the text of his lesson would be the Church’s statement on race.
As a combined Relief Society and Priesthood group, we all took turns reading out loud the Church’s statement. Every so often we would pause as my bishop gave some further historical perspective, some other insight, or to show part of the documentary, Nobody Knows: The Untold Story of Black Mormons. It was amazing. I heard older members say, “Oh, I didn’t know that,” as we read about Elijah Ables. He closed with the re-stating the four purposes of his lesson:
1) To inform
a. Some past theories and teachings of the Church and its members have now been disavowed. All members should be aware.
b. We have the responsibility to not teach the theories of the past as if they are true and to correct them if we hear them.
2) To gain empathy
a. “Empathy is the process of placing oneself in the framework of another, perceiving the world as the other perceives it, sharing his or her world imaginatively” (Thomas Oden, an American United Methodist theologian and religious author).
3) To build faith
a. By looking at the extraordinary examples of black members who remained faithful despite not being able to receive saving ordinances.
b. By looking at the example of a latter-day prophet who would not give up the wrestle [Spencer Kimball].
4) Invitation: To evaluate the traditions of our Fathers and to be willing to repent of those that take away light and truth. Receiving new revelation and changing your ways is a form of repentance.
a. Doctrine and Covenants 93:39 – And that wicked one cometh and taketh away light and truth, through disobedience, from the children of men, and because of the tradition of their fathers. 40 But I have commanded you to bring up your children in light and truth.
Regarding the latter point, he said explicitly (and I’m paraphrasing the best that my memory recalls):
“I don’t want the first time your children hear that those of black-African descent could not participate in temple ordinances and the men could not have the priesthood, while on their missions. The first time they hear about this, it should be from you – their parents. You need to teach your children about this.”
He finally closed by reading the written testimony of a black member in our ward, ending the testimony, “In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.” He then turned to the wife of the black member of our ward and asked her to give the benediction.*
Ecumanism
Last April my bishop listened to a great podcast series from Mormon Matters about different Easter traditions. He contacted me shortly after finishing the series and asked that I be in charge of exploring how we, as a ward, could use some of these traditions in our congregation to bring more sacredness to Holy Week and then present some ideas to the Ward Council. I was elated.
Since then, I have contacted one of the local Presbyterian Churches, a Methodist congregation, the local Episcopalian church, and last night I met for an hour with one of the local Catholic Priests. In two weeks I will be presenting a possible plan of how our local ward can observe Holy Week.
Now
What is my relationship with my bishop? Less some of you misinterpret my relationship with my bishop as all rainbows and roses, it isn’t. We disagree on a lot of things. But, do you know what? He will talk with me. We will have great discussions as he tries to understand my perspective on things. I still think I should have not been released as the Young Men’s president, but the man that took my place is a wonderful man doing wonderful things.
Two months ago I asked my bishop to come over my house. The reason isn’t important, but what happened at my home was. We talked. We talked about the Ordain Women Movement. We talked about Queer Theory. We talked about Wear Pant to Church Sunday. We talked about the Church’s position on monogamy when we have such a colorful past with polygamy (my words, not his). Did he offer a defense? No. He listened because he wanted to understand. Because he listens, I love him and I am loyal to him. And, because of my bishop, I am loyal to the Church.
That’s why my bishop is Mormonism’s bishop. No, you can’t have him, but maybe he’ll let me lend him out to you.
_______________________________
*If you would like to read my bishop’s lesson notes, please click here.
Miguel Barker-Valdez
Miguel is a Guatemalan-American Mormon living in the Northwest with his family. He is one of the proprietors of the Rational Faiths blog.
All posts by Miguel Barker-Valdez
Ack, this made me so jealous!!! I would have LOVED such a bishop. My experience was definitely not remotely similar. Three cheers for bishops who are brave and act with love, humility, and a true Christ-like spirit!
Amen Sister Lori. It takes courage and a big heart to be like he is.
Every day I pray for the healing of the church and it’s people. I took the idea from The Hiding Place book. Today’s two posts read like an answer to my prayers. The complete healing hasn’t happened, but the few local Bishops and Stake Presidents who are beacon’s by their actions are heroes to me. Thanks Michael for sharing yours with us.
P.S. You won’t remember me, but we met, and talked at Open Stories in Seattle. Please tell your gorgeous wife hello.
Carrie,
Of course I remember you!!! Boxers, right? I am so happy that my bishop’s and my post helped. Like I told Matt (another commentor on this post), there is a post by Kristine Haglund that spoke to me. She took the story of Lazarus and explains how it is the community’s responsibility to accept Lazarus and unbind him. That is, it is in our small communities where the real work happens. Here’s the link:
http://bycommonconsent.com/2013/12/08/bound-hand-and-foot-with-graveclothes/
Yes – Boxer’s. Just like you. On the Kristine Haglund – Lazarus piece, and unwrapping the hands and feet. I book marked that one when she put it out. It is the best description of the religion I imagine being a part of. Your Bishop has been a great example of that. You are, too. Keep unwrapping Michael, you are helping members like me stay alive.
Mike,
I appreciate the experience that you shared. I envy you slightly, but I have a really kind bishop as well. The institution sometimes seems as blind and hard-hearted as can be, but the caring individuals such as your bishop can change lives and bring understanding.
Thank you,
Matt,
Thanks. I read a post by Kristine Haglund about how it is the community’s job to accept Lazarus and unbind him. That is, it is our small ward communities where the work really needs to happen. Here’s the link.
http://bycommonconsent.com/2013/12/08/bound-hand-and-foot-with-graveclothes/
Mike
I truly appreciate your words, and beg for your understanding of mine. Part of my “church crisis” was when my husband was called to be a bishop. Even the very word “bishop” hurts my core soul. I will not go into detail but I will say how sad a man called bishop leaves his family to counsel with members who do not work on their knees before Heavenly Parents to gain a relationship with them. It is a painful experience for anyone, but the price they pay is worth the answer they receive from heavenly beings and not earthly ones. It may even be borderline exercising unrighteous dominion when exhausted Bishops act as a conduit to Heavenly parents instead of expecting members to have a pure connection with them.
Maryann
Maryann,
I agree with you 100% We have to own our religion.
I wonder if far too often brothers and sisters are substituting religion for God. Just a thought.
Interesting thought to meditate on.
Michael, I read your post with tears in my eyes. I, too, have been blessed with leaders who, for the most part, have been slow to judge and quick to listen. For all the many good, great, wonderful people who have left the church, hurt, wounded, bitter, or otherwise, I wonder: what would be different about their path if they’d had a bishop like yours? God bless this man and men like him all over the church! May there be more.
Dennis,
Leaders like this make all the difference. Just having the ability to talk about things takes so much of the angst away.
Very well said Mike. I’ve had a discussion with my Stake President over things I’ve read and learned on rational. He too was quick to listen and understand my concerns.
Gracias Hermano Husk.
What I would give to have a thoughtful and present bishop or stake president or Relief Society president who would simply listen. I am so tired of unending avoidance because people at church “don’t know what to do with me!” I know I have become a bit too vehement in my comments at church and am working on softening my speech–not because I am silencing myself, but because I am hopeful that a softer approach may encourage others to listen, to think, to learn, and to love. It’s a process, and I appreciate your honesty, Mike. It helps.
I would have bishop-envy if I wasn’t so deep in bishop-grief.
Jealous!
I have known bishops of this caliber and they are truly gifts. In your moment of deep hurt, God gave you this wonderful person along with your stellar wife. God provides. On the flip side, sometimes our experiences with our religion is a lot more isolating and lonely. God is still there. It is in those moments of deep frustration and sadness with the institution of religion that I know God encounters us. I think our faith journeys take us through times of bleak loneliness as well as times of amazing unions, as seen here with your bishop. This is all part and parcel of the journey. It is wonderful to both acknowledge the wonderful unions that spring from our pain and subsequent healing.
Loved the post, Michael! I am in a similar place on my faith journey and have recently had terrific experiences having similar discussions with my bishop and stake counselor. Leaders who are open to listening and learning about experiences that may be foreign to them gives me hope that we can make progress as a Church. Thanks for sharing.
My faith crisis has been the most difficult and painful occurrence of my life, more painful to me than the death of my fathers and brother. This event has been very painful for my dear wife and children too. During this struggle NOT ONE of my priesthood leaders or fellow ward members reached out to me. I consider your bishop (certainly with your tutoring) to be one of the enlightened ones.
I share this idea from Emma Lou Warner Thayne (from ‘The Place of Knowing), as it quite closely describes my current situation:
The pillars of my faith remain intact, but the roof has blown blessedly off the structure to reveal a sky full of stars.
I thank you, Mike, for all that you are doing.
“[W]e already know what is happening when we don’t talk about these things openly. People leave the Church and they leave in pain.”
Amen to that!
Fantastic article. Thanks for sharing, Michael. I’ve had faith crises similar to yours, though I really haven’t talked to many people about them. I think that what we need in the Church now more than ever is an environment in which it is safe to ask the questions like the ones you and I and many others have struggled with and not feel like we’re evil apostates simply for wanting to find out more.
It was beautiful to read about the raw honest effort to find truth at all costs converge with the raw honest effort to love at all costs.
Thank you for this post.
I appreciated this post. Thank you for posting it. My experiences with bishops were different from yours and after more than a decade of being badly treated for not fitting into the proper Mormon woman mold [e.g. PhD, didn’t take married name, articulate and polite questioning of priesthood decisions, and general refusal to kowtow], I left. It was a good decision. I let go of my anger. I don’t hate the church, but now I insist that my church experiences be significantly more positive than negative. I have no more tolerance for abusive leadership. I think very fondly of the good leaders who genuinely liked me in college – where I had my best church experiences, but I fear it’s naive of me to expect to find that again. After enduring so much ugliness from priesthood, it would take someone willing to invest a lot of time [years] to convince me to try again.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful and moving experience, Mike.
Especially important to me is your realization that just because your “peculiar” gift was not wanted by your ward members does not mean you have nothing of importance to give.
And the fact that it was your “peculiar” gift that enabled you to be there for your bishop in giving him a blessing makes it all the more worthwhile.
I am convinced you have much more to offer, Mike, and that the Lord will reveal it to you as your life unfolds.
Mike,
I think what you have written says a lot. I feel that so many people have asked for answers and received them from someone else and they go along with it whether it is truly right or not. I think we need more people like you in our ward that isn’t afraid to show the truth of the Mormon religion. I was recently told by a brother in our ward that people need to learn to research to find the true answer not just assume the person they asked has the right answer. I support the approach you took Mike…..I think you are a very knowledgeable person and respect what you have written.
Greg,
Wow. Thanks so much for reading my essay and sharing your thoughts. You made me smile.
Thank you Michael for your virtuous heart. We are all of great worth in the sight of God; especially after the great battle of life when we triumphant return to His presence. Good job describing your dad’s character, your best effort to say who,and his behavior ways. We all look up to our parents; when we mature we learn to forgive. Like your dad, President Faust also had a difficult childhood. It means a great deal to your beautiful young family how you’re handling things, and dynamics of every day living for the good of generations to come. May the Lord bless you is my prayer. Lovingly, your Mother Heidi
Thank you for this post Michael. It speaks to me on many levels. First, I am currently a YM president. Second, I share your desire to teach the youth about difficult historical facts in order to prepare them for what they will encounter on their missions and in life. Third, I have also encountered some resistence to my raising these issues from other members who worry that even honest inquiry to can kill tender testimonies. And fourth, I know the view from your bishop’s chair, as I served as bishop prior to being YM president. Boy do I wish you were in my ward.
Dave,
You need to get your bishop on board. Then you need to have a meeting with him and the parents to discuss what you would like to do and get it all out in the air. Third, you need to tell the parents you will invite them to the class when you are going to touch on these subjects.
From your description, it almost sounds like your class was mainly devoted to the sorts of issues that drive people from the Church. Did you spend an entire month discussing the Sermon on the Mount?
In candor, if I was a parent in your ward, I might feel concerned, too.
Tim, I think discussions like these are an important part of understanding the Sermon on the Mount. We can show humility to listen (and possibly change) when we learn about hard history, we can recognize (and perhaps join in) the mourning of those who have and do hurt, we can show meekness in the face of wrongs our fathers may have committed and we perpetuate, we can show a willingness to hunger and thirst after truths of our past and greater perfection in our future, and I could go on. I realize that this is only one interpretation of the Sermon on the Mount (I believe there are others that may be more important), but to me these discussions are one important part of living Jesus’s message.
I am glad you care about what is taught to your children in church. I think Michael does, too.
I completely understand where you are coming from. I have a father-in-law and brothers-in-law a lot like you. I think the big problem here is while it is good to understand ALL of church history: blacks, polygamy, the feminist movements, gays, ordain women stuff, this cannot and should not be the focus of every possible Sunday and these topics all need to be approached with absolute fact, no mincing of personal opinion. However, the focus, and the VAST majority of most Sundays should dwell on the much weightier issues and the ones required to get into heaven, like love, repentance, faith, and the thousand other things taught by Christ. Now, based on the fact that you love to focus on these specific topics so much and you feel that it’s your personal job/crusade to make sure everyone hears your point of view on this stuff I am assuming you are a liberal. And like more overly zealous and abnormally dedicated crusaders I am willing to bet really good money that while you might not realize it, you probably mix in quite a bit of your opinion as justified by certain books, movies, or random scriptures. (Everyone I have seen teach this stuff does so it can get pretty scary pretty fast)
Now I know you claim to do this because you want to keep people from leaving the church, but you also must be careful, because if you shove too much random nonessential doctrine down people throughts at once in an effort to “enlighten them” you might also cause confusion and make them leave the church as well. It is arrogant of you to assume that these topics are not being taught at home and as the bishop said, “this kind of stuff should be taught at home and heard from their PARENTS” first probably. Not by a teacher who has made it his mission to stray from the teaching manuals and educate as he deems correct without regard to the parents ideals, wishes, or prior teachings. Trust me, you don’t have the monopoly on gospel truth and these topics aren’t only important to just you.
And parents have a right to decide what their kids learn. Your take on gays issues might not be their take and you should not take it upon yourself to enlighten their children in a church setting. And when people don’t agree with you, don’t throw a huge tantrum and require an already overworked, underappreciate bishop to devote his limited family time to listening to your rantings and how you justify your liberal opinion according to our church doctrine. For pete’s sake, women’s ordination is not doctrine and is against the eternal order of things, and women’s pants in church is just dumb. Yes there is no rule against it but the church has asked for Sunday best so you can either be annoying and try to push some sort or equality agenda, or simply wear skirts because you were asked politely to. Quite simply, many things cannot and will not be understood fully for some time and the more time you spend focused on polygamy and other random topics the less you have for the really important stuff.
In short you could have kept your calling and still shared some of your insights by 1. doing it in a measured amount, a few little thoughts every couple of months and sticking to the church outlined lessons, instead of right away devoted all your time to shoving it down people’s throughts (you have counselors for a reason and when they show apprehension, it might be a sign for you to shutup and listed) and 2. by simply going to the parents yourself and asking them if it was ok. Maybe invite them to class to share their opinions or have them teach that subject while you help. All of these things could have been done and kept everybody happy and informed.
Again this is not your place to judge and determine what people do and don’t know and should/ought to be taught. So, while I appreciate that you obviously have a wonderful bishop, you need to exercise some self-control, learn some people skills, respect other people’s children and their gospel education, and humble yourself a bit. Much ado about nothing here.
Thank you for articulating what I was feeling as I read this. The best thing I can do for my Bishop is to serve and love. he has his hands full.
This was interesting. Frankly I am surprised that your bishop approved you using outside sources in the first place. The Handbook is pretty clear that instructors are not to use materials that are not approved as part of the official curriculum. Part of the reason for correlation of curriculum in church classes is to ensure that false doctrines and speculative theories do not get taught; many of the things I was taught in seminary or other settings about why blacks were denied the priesthood would never have been taught if people stuck to the curriculum instead of coming up with quotes from various sources. It is good to see these false ideas finally put to rest. I was very pleased with the statement on blacks and the priesthood, although I am still not totally convinced that the denial of the priesthood after the 1850s was the result of a revelation to Brigham Young instead of just a policy decision by him to placate white southern converts. To me, if you believe Cain’s descendants were to be denied the priesthood for a time, it seems clear that the curse was lifted when Peter received the revelation in Acts 10 to send the gospel to “every nation”.
One thing that people assume is that if the Church is true, then everything in it must also true and perfect; or conversely, since the Church is true, everything is true and perfect. But there is no claim of infallibility made in the scriptures. The title page of the Book of Mormon says, “And now, if there are faults they are the mistakes of men; wherefore, condemn not the things of God”. Also, Mormon 8:17 is even stronger, “And if there be faults they be the faults of a man. But behold, we know no fault; nevertheless God knoweth all things; therefore, he that condemneth, let him be aware lest he shall be in danger of hell fire”. People who quit the Church because of difficult issues or history are condemning the things of God. So I disagree with your statement “…sometimes the best answer to stop the pain is for that person so sever their relationship with the institutional Church”. That is no different than teaching a person to stop praying. (See 2 Nephi 32:8 for the source of that idea.)
I had my own questions when I was in high school, and the cold welcome by those who I thought should have been my friends would have made it easy to quit and never come back. My answer was to try forgiving the unkind members of my ward and seminary class, and study the scriptures diligently. I gained a testimony of the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon by reading it and praying about it, not by reading the stories made up by critics. We may have to confront those things when we are missionaries when they are brought up, but having a firm testimony first is the best way to be prepared to deal with those issues. It seems that whenever I read things like your essay, the authors say very little about how much they read the scriptures during the “crisis of faith”.
There are many fine Mormon people. The church is blessed to have such fine examples of human beings. But they do not make Mormonism, the beliefs, any truer than the jerks in the church make Mormonism false. Joseph Smith was a con man, who made up stories from the time of his youth, when he used magic stones to look for treasure, to the days before his death, when he insisted he was a true and devoted husband to Emma. Like all con men, he was very good at deceiving people. He was clever, insightful, inventive and delusional. He made up stories as situations warranted, whether talking about gold plates, Adam-on-de-Onde, men living on the moon, or translating Egyptian papyrus rolls.
I’m pleased for you that you have found a kindred spirit and friend who listens to you. But staying in Mormonism because of friends or family is equally as silly as leaving Mormonism because of someone’s big mouth or petty jealousies.
Members like Jack are pushing me (and many others) out of the church, while members like Mike and his bishop are pulling us back in.
Thank you Casey. If the only comment was yours, I would have written it for you. I don’t think Jack, Ric, , Lee, nor Tim understood the overarching theme of my post.
I don’t stay Mormon for my bishop. Only two lessons in the entire time I was YM president were taught about “historical stuff”.
They seem to miss the point. My experience is a metaphor of what many members go through. Too often we only hear the “bad” stories of ecclesiastical leaders. I wanted people to hear a good one.
This post wasn’t written for Lee, Ric, Jack, nor Tim. This post was written for people like you.
You are correct that there are too many people who are critical of bishops and stake presidents, and it is nice that you praise him for his efforts. But in someways what you said seemed to justify other commenters in being angry at there own bishops for not being as patient as yours. I was a bit surprised that your bishop would have offered to spend as much time as he did without condition. I heard Elder Ballard once say “Give the Lord equal time”. If I were a bishop, I would tell someone with your kind of crisis of faith that if they want to talk for an hour each week, I would expect them to spend an hour each day reading from the Book of Mormon in preparation. If you want to read critical things, fine, but spend as much time reading from the Book of Mormon as from the critics. The way to gain and strengthen a testimony is to read from the Book of Mormon and pray about it. Then you will have a testimony as a foundation BEFORE going into some of the troubling history or difficult issues. This is where you went wrong in your approach. I have always been blessed with great bishops, but my experience with some members would have driven a person without a testimony out of the church. Anyone who does not have a testimony built on a sure foundation will fall when the devil sends forth his mighty winds, whether it is in the form of other kids physically hurting you, people saying things behind your back, reading things that are critical of the church, or anything else. This seems to be the point that too many people miss.
Jeez Lee you assume many things with that statement! You assume that wasn’t already done. You assume that there was no time taken from his life already in thoughtful study. You are not his bishop – Mike’s bishop is inspired for HIS ward – mike is in his ward – he gets revelation for his sheep.
One reason why we are losing so many people is that they are told to just read and pray, we’ll guess what, that has already been done in the majority of the cases. I started to question things on my mission, when I was doing nothing but reading and praying. It is time we just listen and have compassion and understanding.
You are right that I assume Mike was spending an inordinate amount of time reading from the critics instead of from the Book of Mormon. Perhaps that is wrong, but he did not say anything about his scripture study habits during his crisis of faith. In my experience as a priesthood leader and a missionary, as well as reading various people’s blogs, crisis of faith are often accompanied by a lack of diligent scripture study, so I assumed that is the case here.
The problem I see with the approach that Mike took was that it ignores the principal taught in 1 Nephi 8:33-34 (…after they did enter into that building they did point the finger of scorn at me and those that were partaking of the fruit also; but we heeded them not. These are the words of my father: For as many as heeded them, had fallen away.) Too many are too eager to heed the things written by enemies of the church. The critical things published out there were written to discredit the church and destroy people’s testimonies. Like I said in my original post, I am happy to see the Church is posting reliable historical information about some of the difficult issues, and look forward to seeing more soon.
That is the source we need to teach our children from, not the stuff from the anti-Mormon groups. Giving heed to those in the Great and Spacious Building is why people fall away- correctly identify who is pointing the finger of scorn at the saints and what constitutes that scorn and you will know how to effectively keep people from falling away. Giving voice to those in the Great and Spacious Building by repeating their scorn in a young men’s lesson is not the way to protect our youth.
Lee,
You missed the point of the post. The post was not about me and my faith crisis. It was not about my bishop. It was about relationships. The tendency online is for people to talk about the problems with ecclesiastical leaders as they have questions that lead to doubt. This post was to show the beauty we can learn from each other as we sit and talk. The relationship between my bishop and me is a metaphor of what Mormonism truly is.
Charity never faileth.
Wow! Fantastic article… I wish that I had come across a teacher like you when I was a member of the church, I may not have left. My problem was never necessarily with LDS doctrine, but with the church as an large organization and it’s unwillingness through the community to be transparent with the past. As a young 16yr old girl, my first encounter with asking questions about some unapealing moments in church history were met with very harsh reactions and questioning of my faith or if I had the holy ghost… It was a very hurtful experience, especially since I was a very active and devout member. The only thing I was looking for was an open and honest diolouge about some issues that concerned me. Over time it became too frustrating to sit there and not talk about or acknowledge historical events that had happened in the church, it seemed foolish and dishonest to me and I didn’t understand how it was bad to talk about these things since God brings a perfect word through imperfect men. I dont have any hard feelings twords the church, my entire family is happily active and i credit being such a stand up kid with great values to the lds community, I just found that I didn’t feel sincerity at some point in time after getting scolded so often for my inqueries. Anyhow… I find it very exciting to see more people having healthy conversations about these subjects and thank you for your wonderful words and passion for honesty and openess, you are an asset to the LDS church & I hope you reach many people!
Thank you for your post. The part that really resonates with me is when you said, “we already know what is happening when we don’t talk about these things openly.” The illusion that avoiding hard topics will breed obedience is silly and actually it’s destructive. We live in a world flooded with all kinds of messages good and bad. To remain silent on any topic in our home is to allow a world filled with mixed messages to inform us. Not smart and not the way our Heavenly Father has instructed us to operate. He wants us to be honest and open about things…especially the hard things. I won’t go into too much detail here, but my marriage ended because of a habit my husband developed that started when he was 11 years old….he parents knew but were too uncomfortable talking to him about it. This escalated and became so huge and so destructive it ended our family. Silence was a huge reason this got as big as it did. Yes choice is still a factor, but we can’t expect our kids to just “figure out” the hard stuff in life. We can’t be afraid to talk to them and be open and honest and non-punitive. My hat goes off to you for being so proactive with those boys about these hard topics. I wish there were more like you…and your bishop. Keep cultivating your faith and sharing your inspiring experiences. You have obviously gathered quite an audience.
I forgot to add, that I have a 13 year old son and a 12 year old daughter…and I wish I could know exactly how you approached these topics with those boys so I could have a discussion with them about these topics. I’m a single mom and I am always open to tips, but honesty is how I approach every topic. I’m not afraid of anything…and many members feel I’m too “open” with my kids, but I gotta say, they are pretty strong and solid in their faith. They aren’t afraid of stuff and aren’t made uncomfortable easily. They have had to face some scary adult stuff already in life..and I don’t think it’ll get easier. Again, thanks for your post….from a mom of a deacon.
Angie,
I am so pleased that you liked my post. Here are my lesson notes on the Book of Mormon translation:
http://rationalfaiths.com/joseph-smiths-use-of-seer-stones-in-the-revealing-of-the-book-of-mormon/
Here are the lesson notes from a lesson I was asked to give on the Apostasy:
http://rationalfaiths.com/teaching-the-apostasy-and-restoration-to-14-5-year-old-a-lesson-in-keeping-it-simple-stupid/
Let me know what you think Angie.
Mike