I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother who love me, and I love them.
These are the words that I wish were said, in every Young Women’s meeting, in every LDS chapel, on every Sunday, of every year. They are the words that I wish were said, in every Relief Society meeting, in every LDS chapel, on the one Sunday a month, of every year, that many wards invite the Laurels in.
It only requires the addition of three words and the change of one. It would be so simple really, and I believe: so possible.
If the various revisions to the Young Women’s theme over the past few years have taught us anything, it is that. The words as they stand are not necessarily sacrosanct: they can be added to, they can be rearranged, for a new time. I also have it on good authority (i.e., his own writing) that Elder Neal A. Maxwell counted truths about Heavenly Mother among those “most relevant and most needed” in “this dispensation.” Indeed,
The prophets teach all of the gospel, but choose to emphasize those truths that are most relevant and most needed in the times in which they live. In other dispensations, the truths given to us through modern prophets about a Heavenly Mother were not stressed, so far as surviving records show, but in this dispensation the Lord gave us this doctrinal truth through a prophet, Lorenzo Snow,* whose sister, Eliza R. Snow, expressed it in her hymn ‘O My Father.’ (“Things as They Really Are,” Chapter 4, Living Prophets.)
Meanwhile, the virtue “virtue” has been added to the Young Women’s weekly recitation, as well as the resolution to “strengthen home and family.” Those additions are (relatively) fine, and I am not against them, per se; I simply believe that a firm belief in Heavenly Mother carries more power to accomplish either of those ends, than the (added) words themselves ever could.
I am also reminded of two more things: The first is a brief conversation I had with a woman I dearly love, in which she told me that despite having sung “I am a child of God” since she was two, the first time she knew that God loved her was when she was in Young Womens, stating the theme each week. Only then could she take the message in. I wondered how it might have strengthened her if she knew that God the Mother’s love, was added to the Father’s.
The second occurred a few Sundays ago in my southern California ward. A small group of Beehives gathered around the pulpit during Sacrament to sing a song I haven’t heard before. When I passed one of the girls in the hallway later, I was able to learn the title: Daughter of a King. It made quite a bit of sense, as that particular line was repeated throughout the chorus:
Daughter of a king | The Father’s royalty | Heir to his divinity | He’s calling your name | To come and take your place before his throne | He has always known | What He created you to be | A daughter of a king
They sang beautifully and confidently, and I felt overjoyed that these young girls knew of their divinity. Still, something gnawed at me. Did they know that they are also daughters of a queen? I didn’t when I was their age,** and I wish for all of the world that I did.
*It is actually uncertain with whom the doctrine of Heavenly Mother originated. Some individuals believe it began with Eliza (including Gordon B. Hinckley) while most others believe it was revealed to Joseph Smith (including Joseph F. Smith). There does seem to be secondary support for the lattermost claim. For instance, Brigham Young’s daughter, Susa Young Gates, related that after Zina Diantha Huntington’s mother passed away in 1839, Joseph offered condolences before adding, “and you will meet and become acquainted with your eternal Mother, the wife of your Father in Heaven.” Linda Wilcox, “The Mormon Concept of a Mother in Heaven,” in Women and Authority: Re-emerging Mormon Feminism, ed. Maxine Hanks (Salt Lake City: Signature Books, 1992).
**This is true despite “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” making its appearance when I was ten. The adults I knew—or heard speak in General Conference—gave little pause to the “heavenly parents” line, so I heard it without hearing it; knew it without knowing it, akin to my friend and “I am a child of God.” It would be approximately nine more years before a forum (read: not a devotional) at BYU helped me to internalize it.
Rachel Hunt
Rachel is a Ph.D. student in philosophy of religion and theology at Claremont Graduate University. While her true academic love is Søren Kierkegaard, she also shares affection for feminist theology (particularly of the Mormon variety). She has a bachelors in philosophy and a masters in library science (from Brigham Young University and Simmons College respectively). Rachel served her mission in Sacramento, California. Rachel is a permanent blogger at the-exponent.com
All posts by Rachel Hunt
Thanks for this wonderful post! I have often thought the same thing about the Young Women’s motto.
I think it is psychologically damaging for young women in particular but also for young men (and everyone else) to be cut off from knowledge of and reverence for their Mother.
Thank you for chiming in, EdwardJ, and adding your witness.
It would certainly benefit all to have Heavenly Mother more included in our discourse and in our lives.
I think I remember reading in Richard Bushman’s _Rough Stone Rolling_ that Joseph Smith, Jr., claimed to have had a vision of HM, although it isn’t recorded in the Doctrine and Covenants, nor widely publicized.
I WHOLLY agree with your word change suggestion. I think it would do so much good!
I don’t remember reading it there, but do remember reading about a third hand account related by Zebedee Coltrin:
“One day the Prophet Joseph asked him and Sidney Rigdon to accompany him into the woods to pray. When they had reached a secluded spot Joseph laid down on his back and stretched out his arms. He told the brethren to lie on each arm, and then shut their eyes. After they had prayed he told them to open their eyes. They did so and saw a brilliant light surrounding a pedestal which seemed to rest on the earth. They closed their eyes and again prayed. They then saw, on opening them, the Father seated upon a throne; they prayed again and on looking saw the Mother also; after praying and looking the fourth time they saw the Savior added to the group” (Abraham H. Cannon Journal, Aug. 25, 1980, LDS Archives. Cited in Linda Wilcox’s “The Mormon Concept of a Mother in Heaven,” p. 10.)
The young women’s theme is awful, whether you add Heavenly Mother or not. The theme is completely about how young women should prepare themselves for marriage in the temple to a worthy priesthood holder as the ultimate goal. The entire last sentence speaks to that goal, and that the goal is the way they will get exaltation. They recite this weekly for years, and it becomes internalized and drilled into their heads.
There are much bigger changes that are needed before I would ever feel comfortable with any of my daughters reciting it. And honestly adding Heavenly Mother just adds insult to injury, as it reminds them that their eternal fate is the same as their earthly one….to be a silent helpmeet to a worthy priesthood holder.
I agree that there are other problematic passages. I wrote about this one because it is small, and easy to fix. I also believe that it would have huge (positive) consequences.
I once read a paper in my PhD program where the author compared (old) Young Men’s and Young Women’s manuals. The young men were repeatedly told that they could be like God, and that a mission was their highest call. There might have been one lesson mentioning marriage. On the other hand, the young women were never explicitly told that they could be like God, and there may have only been one lesson that Didn’t mention marriage. The one lesson that specifically mentioned missions was a lesson encouraging them to Write missionaries. Not to be one, but to write one. It was thoroughly depressing to read, but I do have hope, because I have watched things get better (especially in the last year), and believe they will continue to do so.
That would make for fascinating reading. Can you post the link to the study?
Unfortunately I can’t, because I don’t remember the name of the study. (Or have current access to the syllabus or course reader.) I can however write my professor and hope that he writes back.
Another (easier, though less impactful) idea is to change “Heavenly Father” to “Heavenly Parents”.
True. I have thought about that (as I know others have also). While there are some positives to “Heavenly Parents” (it mirrors the language of the Family Proclamation, and so is more familiar), I still prefer the distinct “Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother.”
I would rejoice to see this change. I like the distinction between Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother too. They could easily change it to Heavenly Parents but I would love to hear the words Heavenly Mother coming out of my young women, leaders, and RS sister’s mouth on a weekly basis.
Great post!
“I would love to hear the words Heavenly Mother coming out of my young women, leaders and RS sister’s mouth on a weekly basis.” Amen and amen.
I think it would open a lot of (good) doors.
Thank you!
I’m so jealous that I didn’t think of this!! Rachel this teeny tiny addition would pave the way for all those YW to KNOW that HM exists. What a delightful default. How can we (to quote Michael Jackson) “make that change?” I’m going to tell my daughter to start adding it in.
Heather, it has been in the back of my mind for over a year, because like you said, it is so teeny tiny, but would pave such beautiful results. (It is also the primary reason I am frustrated every time they come out with a new edition that includes something much less significant.)
I am glad you’re going to suggest the addition to your daughter. I already try to add it in when my Relief Society says it once a month with the Laurels in our ward. And I know that there are other women (and men) thinking about this issue. Something might be rolling out tomorrow on this same site…
Great suggestion, Rachel!
Thank you, RT!
What a wonderful post and wonderful idea! I agree that a recitation in which each young woman declares her eternal lineage, identity and purpose should include the heavenly parent whom she most resembles. I’ve had the same thought for years. The last time I had a calling in YW, I confess I became rather sickened by the ritual recitation of the YW theme for many reasons, not the least of which was the glaring lack reference to feminine divine parentage.
Don’t get me wrong. I see some benefit of a routine affirmation spoken aloud by like-minded young people. But as a whole, I don’t like it.
Personally I was horrified by the addition of “virtue” to the rote. Enough is enough. This felt like it came from the same poisoned well of ultra-conservatism that brought us photo-shopped sleeves on Bloch angels. There is a specific definition implied within the general word, virtue (moral excellence; goodness; righteousness) that has to do with sexuality (purity, chastity, virginity.) “Okay now, ladies, let’s not be sluts.” I think faith, divine nature, choice, accountability, good works and integrity include a commitment to sexual purity. . .but now I’m just complaining, so I’ll stop it.
Back to the post, Rachel – I love this idea. Let’s do it.
Thank you, Melody.
(And I share many of your same concerns.)
I recently served in YW and each week I changed the words as I recited them: Heavenly Parents, who love me and I love them. I like your version better, but this was a way that I could confirm what I believed without getting too much attention. I did, during the course of my year in YW, get chastized for teaching about Heavenly Mother. That was the one thing that I thought was the very most important thing that I needed to teach those young girls: that they actually had the potential to become God, a Female God, with a real role, making real decisions, having real power. But, there were some in my ward who were uncomfortable with this.
And yes, the manuals used prior to this year were pretty bad. I was conducting my own research on the differences between the YW and YM manuals and was quite disturbed. Needless to say, I didn’t teach out of the manuals.
I would love to see this change happen officially in the church. Then I wouldn’t get in trouble for teaching the girls that they have a divine role model, and divine worth as thinking, achieving women, not just as passive daughters.
Brenda, it makes my heart so glad that there are people like you, already making a (much needed) change. I’m also glad that you taught those girls the things that you did. I feel strongly too that it is what is most needed. You should never have “gotten in trouble” for teaching truth. Especially not that beautiful, and very hopeful truth.
I would also welcome an official change.
Wow, this place is like a magnet for negativity.
Kathy, do you have something to add to my original post? If so, I welcome it.
Oh, I get it my comment not welcome here 🙂 No problem 🙂
I think she was wanting you to add to her post Kathy!
Paul you are a sweetheart <3
Kathy Ludlow, You’re right. There is negativity here. There is also a great deal of lively support for ongoing pursuit of truth. And for me, that’s a very positive thing.
I love the gospel, the LDS church and the grand and glorious life God has given us. I love the spirit that fills the chapel and classrooms during church services each Sunday. I love that there are places like this blog where like-minded individuals can have conversations about things that are important to some (not all) faithful Latter-day Saints.
Because some of the blog posts address aspects of our faith/religion that seem less-than-ideal to some folks, you might see the conversation as negative. There is another possible way to view the discussions and that is: as an opportunity to consider differing viewpoints. Does that make sense? God bless us, every one.
I clearly remember listening to a Syriac lecture and having the professor talk about the feminine divine, and I almost fell over. It was one of the most powerful experiences of my life. It changed the way I looked at the world and sadly I was in my mid 20s. What would it have been like if we all internalized it as children.
You’re not alone in wondering this. And how fortunate your children have you for a mom. My 30-year-old daughter recently told me about a family home evening at her house. She and her husband were talking about love. During the discussion (with their 2-year-old and 4-year-old) my daughter said, “Heavenly Father and Jesus love us.” Her 4-year-old daughter chimed in, “And so does Heavenly Mother.”
It’s natural to this child that the heavenly family includes a mother. I love that little girl. And her insightful parents who responed, “Yes! Yes, She does.”
I first internalized the truth that God is also a woman the year before I turned 20. And in my case it was also because of the beautiful and powerful words of a non-Latter-day Saint.
I wrote more about my experience at the Exponent blog (http://www.the-exponent.com/how-old-were-you-when-you-first-learned-about-heavenly-mother/).
I also asked the readers to share how old they were when they first learned that they had a Heavenly Mother. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that almost half learned about her in childhood, and then another fairly large group in teenage years.
Still, your “internalized” might be key.
I don’t remember my exact age when I “woke up to” Eliza’s lyrics, but it seems to me it was like “Well, duh” moment. Why, OF COURSE we have a Mother, too. And I still imagine knowing her will not be much different from what we know of our Father. This may sound strange, possibly horrific to some of you women, but I don’t remember feeling a great need for female as opposed to male role models in my life. I mean, I found plenty females in and out of the church whom I admired and wanted to emulate. But, the lack of females in the scriptures or speakers at general conference has not been a problem for me as it seems to be for other females. I just want to contribute that in case others think all so-called feminists feel the same way. After all, as one of my roommates used to say, “Aren’t we all feminists?”
Oh Rachel, you are the best. What a wonderful, positive change you’ve suggested, that will only help our Young Women feel even more connected to Heavenly Father. As a child, it is very natural to find yourself connecting to one of your parents slightly more than the other. It is not a bad thing. We are naturally drawn to, and click with certain people more. When this happens within a family that is lead by parents who have a strong, healthy marriage, your strong connection with one parent leaves you more connected with the other parent as a result (because the parents love each other, and share your concerns, triumphs and stories with each other, and support each other & you).
It would seem rational to have it follow that some people may find they have a stronger connection with their Heavenly Mother than Heavenly Father – but that connection to Her would inevitably bring them closer to their Heavenly Father as well. They are not in competition with each other – but are most assuredly on the same team. Having strong ties with one only strengthens ties with the other.
Certainly, there are some Young Women who may be missing a bond that they are not quite sure how to fill. For them, the utterings of the knowledge that they are daughters of a Heavenly Father AND a Heavenly Mother who loves them could be the beginning of a stronger connection to deity and a greater understanding of their divine worth.
I was just called into Young Women’s, and will be sneaking in a quick “Heavenly Parents” as we recite the theme each week…it’s a small beginning…but it’s a beginning.
Though I am coming late to this post, I want to thank you for it, Rachel. It is brave, clear, and needed. Thank you for “sharing an affection for feminist theology!!!” You – and other Mormon feminists – provide an example for others to follow. This is what Mormon feminism looks like. This is is what it talks like. This is what IS. . . .