With the semester winding down I have been really busy lately so I haven’t really gotten an opportunity to do a post in a while. Even now, I should be doing schoolwork, but I have to put it off in order to write something here today. I sort of intended to poach an old post from my personal blog but it just didn’t convey what I wanted to say.
This past weekend was the 183rd General Conference for The Church. While having not one, but two women pray was a major feat, and moved me in a way I didn’t anticipate that is not what I want to write about today. I am sure there are blogs all over the bloggernacle discussing it this week and much more eloquently than I could. I want to talk about Elder Holland’s talk.
Elder Holland’s talk at Conference this weekend was (for me) the highlight of Conference. I am a mix of sort-of Old Testament fire and brimstone, and New Testament love your neighbor so his delivery style doesn’t put me off. I love religious fervor. It is actually what attracted me to Mormonism (the passion of the early Saints). Holland has that style; he is direct without being condescending. His invitation to in essence lead with our strengths, faith-wise, was a revelation. It was a healing balm to those who struggle.
I have never lost my faith in the Gospel, but I know all too well both the ebb and flow of faith, and the desire to have none. I have screamed mightily to the heavens hoping it would not be true, hoping that God would just leave me alone. It didn’t work though. As much as I wanted to not believe, I could not do it. This is why Holland’s talk was so important to me. That is why it was important for him to make a clear separation between knowledge and faith; a separation that gets lost every Fast Sunday.
In discussing this talk, I have come across now quite a few people who I hold dear who were hurt by his words. I could not understand how what I perceived to be a light in the darkness could be just further darkness for another. I am glad that a friend went into detail for me. My friend had indicated that while the effort was appreciated, from the talk it was clear that Holland did not understand what unbelief actually feels like. That struck me very forcefully because it reminded me of myself. I too have never known what unbelief felt like (though I wished I could). I am glad my friend recognized that in Elder Holland’s limited capacity (like my own) that we are trying to understand. We are trying to reach out and show that at least on an intellectual level we know that doubt does not make man a sinner. That doubt and questions are a normal part of our human existence, and even an essential part. What can we ever really know if we don’t take the time to question?
EOR
EOR is a convert and a divorcee. She is the 2013 Wheaties award winning author in the category: "Funniest Thread", and has a B.S. in Business Management and Economics. In addition to being a permablogger at Rational Faiths, she also is a permablogger at Expert Textperts. She lives in NY, has 2 cats, and enjoys brevity, deli sandwiches, and laughing.
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Very nice post. Reading it, it because immediately clear to me why you and I saw the talk differently. You have “always” believed, even when you didn’t want to. I have “never” believe, even when I did want to. (That’s a huge over-simplifciation, for rhetorical effect.) So, for me, I hear in Elder Holland’s talk a sincere but insufficient effort to understand those who doubt, while you hear a call to refocus on the faith you DO have.
All told, I think that I, personally, judged this talk to harshly the first time through. It’s on my list of talks to revisit in the coming weeks. (Though maybe not until after I finally file my taxes.)
Thanks for your continued thoughts on this topic Thom. It can be pretty complicated to navigate these sorts of things throughout friends and communities so I am glad you are hanging on with me. Not as complicated as your taxes though, so get to work.
I was also moved by Elder Holland’s talk. I am an active Mormon but also comfortably agnostic.
Your friend’s expectations of Elder Holland may be unrealistically high. Most people who end up as apostles will, for better or for worse, never have been nonbelievers. So it’s unlikely they can speak from that perspective.
For me, the value of the talk was that Elder Holland opened up a space in the church for people who do not “know” but who only believe, or want to believe. He also opened up spaces in individual Mormons’ hearts. Without the pressure to know that it’s all true, people may relax into a more mature faith that looks sincerely at doubt.
Mormonism has grown claustrophobic, which is why so many people are leaving. Any effort to create space is quite welcome, in my book.
I couldn’t agree with you more about this talk theoretically (and even possibly literally) opening up a real space for heterodox Mormons (whatever stripe they may be). I am a big fan of Big Tent Mormonism, and I think for Zion to truly flourish it takes all types. Thanks for your comment.
Thanks for such a nice, straight forward post. I have learnt over the years that our previous mindset/expectations determines what we take out of any text (in this case talk), thus you & your friend will always see it differently.
But, then again, variety is the spice of life!
I agree that variety (within friendships and faith communities) is certainly the spice of life. I enjoy the type of back and forth that occurs in these situations because it helps me grow, and the push-back really helps me to sort out what I really do believe and where my faith lies.
Belief and doubt are both factors of personality I believe (though of course influenced by circumstance). Very likely these traits are even hard wired into us, or tendencies for the same. A major purpose in religious life is for the “knowers” and “doubters” to continue to respect, learn from, and love each other.
Respect is definitely the key point. We all come from different walks of life, and so we all have opportunity to and the need to learn from each other. I think this was one of the greatest lessons taught to us by Christ. Even the Master can wash feet. Your theory re: hard-wiring is an interesting one. As far back as I can remember which is about 3 years old I have never not believed in God. That belief has evolved throughout my life, and may continue still, but I wonder if I was hard-wired to be this way. Very interesting.
I liked how you described wanting to no believe- I have been there so many times, yet I feel compelled to stay because I believe this is where I am supposed to be.