This past Sunday Elder Quentin L. Cook came to my stake in Boise, Idaho to speak. We haven’t had an apostle come to my stake in 17 years so I really anticipated and looked forward to hearing and learning from him. I showed up to the stake center early so that I could get one of the soft seats. Unfortunately, the rest of my stake had the same idea so I ended up sitting on one of the metal fold out chairs after all. Still, I was eager to soak up any words of wisdom or advice from an apostle of the Lord, even if my behind had to get a little numb to do so. Elder Cook’s message did not disappoint. What captured my interest the most was his counsel regarding families and especially marriage. I just got married last month so I’m interested in learning everything I can about how to be a better wife and how to strengthen my marriage. Of course, Elder Cook was not referring to gay marriages, like mine, when he spoke of the importance of each spouse being an equal partner. And although I know his intention is not to support or strengthen gay marriages when he taught the importance of spouses using kind words with each other, I clung to that advice and recognized the truth in it. I silently vowed to be kinder with how I speak to my wife.
I have been an active member of the LDS church my whole life, even during the most painful months and years of dealing honestly with my sexual orientation and how that fits with my testimony of the gospel. So naturally I seek wisdom and learning from apostles and other general authorities in the church, especially regarding the most valuable and cherished part of my life, which is my marriage. But I have to admit, it feels a bit odd and a little unsettling to find myself looking for answers and guidance on my relationship with my wife from church leaders who have called my marriage “counterfeit” and who have written a policy declaring that I should be subject to possible loss of church membership because I married the person I am in love with.
The vast majority of gay Mormons stop attending church and I understand and support them. Many people wonder why I continue to attend. Sometimes I wonder that myself. For me, it comes down to two things:
- I love the gospel and I want to gather with my fellow saints to study it and
- For now, I believe Heavenly Father wants me to. It is as simple as that. Like most active Mormons I know, I want to do what I believe God wants me to do. I am very blessed to have supportive and affirming friends in my ward who are so welcoming and who love me.
One of my greatest desires is to also have supportive and affirming general church leaders. What a blessing it would be for everyone involved if the men and women in leadership could be like my personal friends who attended my wedding and who are eager to support me as I strive for a strong and happy a marriage. Wouldn’t that benefit and bless all of us at a personal, ward, and societal level? It is my hope and prayer that someday soon people at all levels of the church will work together in a spirit of love and humanity to create stronger marriages and families for everyone.
Laura Root
Laura lives in Boise, Idaho with her 2 dogs, cat, and several chickens. She enjoys hiking, kayaking, nordic skiing, reading, and travel. Laura is single and ready to mingle.
All posts by Laura Root
Beautiful
I work at valley mental health in Salt Lake City, Utah and truly your comments were God inspired which means that if you truly married the person that you love then this union must come from God because HE is the source of love. It just doesn’t come from our gut feeling or what we think, it comes from Him. That is all that matters and I feel sorry that these so-called men of God are lacking that. They preach about love but mostly have love for their only true church. How sad because someday like it happened last year many will have to face Him and be surprised when they see that the Lord will point His finger at the other people that this church has banished and He will let them know that first they need for ask for forgiveness from them before they can come into His presence and if not then they will be escorted to their rightful place on their own planet so they can be their own gods of a world that is full of people like them. Sorry to say but we are not to judge anyone and that is one of the commandments that God has told us to do but the leaders of this church do exactly that because they think that since the members of this church sustain them that they are above all. How sad to know that they will have a rude awakening but I am so glad to know that you have already woke up and smelled the coffee and have decided to not go along with the crowd but have decided to follow the promptings of your heart and even though I don’ know you and I am not gay my heart goes out to you because you are the salt of this earth. Because of you being honest with your feelings the Lord will smile upon your relationship not just with your wife but with Him. May God continue to bless both of you and all the people that you will come into contact during your whole life and then when it will be all over He will gladly take you into His arms and show you into His kingdom.
Well said Mario. I am with you
Laura, we loved your post, offer you and your wife our congratulations and wish you all the best in your endless search for the perfect marriage. I, too, am from Boise. I grew up there and still think of Boise whenever I am asked, “where are you from?” My wife and I will celebrate our 50th anniversary next month. Of our seven children, two are gay–son and daughter. Our son is married to a fine man. Both grew up in the Church and served missions and were outstanding missionaries. Neither is a church member presently. No good reason I can think of for us to lose almost all of our gay kids. It is heart braking, destructive to families and to faith. Keep up your good work. Stay in there and fight. Make people see you all the time. Most people will struggle a bit but as they come to know you, they will overcome their fears and prejudices. We all need you visibly and vocally in the Church. God bless you!
When I left the church after high school, I simultaneously decided to be an actor. It was the first time a went to see a friend play the piano at a bar (not knowing it was a gay bar) that I decided I would never return because of their stance on gay marriage. Love is love. Although I am an atheist now, I sincerely applaud your courage for continuing to go to church and being open and proud! It’s amazing how easy it is for haters to HATE instead rather than LOVE those whom they don’t understand. I know this is crazy, but I’ll be in Boise, singing For Opera Idaho in April. It’s the opera Werther, and I’m singing the title role of Werther. If you aren’t busy, come by, see the show. I’d love to shake your hand!
-Josh
I share your prayer. God bless!
Laura,
I loved your article and greatly admire your faith and courage to take this sacred step. Continue to be yourself as you are and over time, I think many will realize how foolish their attitudes towards LBGQT members are. Being a stalwart example will go a long way.
Holly
Laura is a great example of love and integrity and I’m grateful to know her!
I have a neighbor who was with her wife for 27 years. They raised children together. Today, she lives apart from her wife because they feel that is the price they must pay to remain members of the church. Love is love. Why is the Mormon church breaking up this family?
Two females stimulating each others sex organs is sinful behavior. It is eternally contrary to the order of heaven.
No rationalization is ever going to change that.
It’s good that you go to church, but don’t expect the Lord to ever find that behavior acceptable in His sight, any more than than any other sin.