Since the days of the Exodus, the people of God have been instructed to seek divine audience on holy ground. From the first mentions of it in the Bible, we learn that this temple communion is so important that the House of the Lord was made portable. Moses led the people through the desert with tabernacle in hand so that this special influence would be available to them. Later, Solomon built the temple that the people really needed, providing a stationary place for them to visit and offer themselves to the Lord. This is where they communed with Jehovah.
As Mormons, we have a special connection to that portable temple. We believe that as Joseph Smith was about the work of re-establishing the gospel of Christ for the latter days, he reintroduced the temple ceremony on the second floor of a small store. Over the years, places were made sacred by the ceremonies performed there, sacred ground dedicated in the places the people of God needed. Once the early Mormons found a home in Utah, they continued to build temples where they needed them and today they can be found all over the world. This is where we commune with Christ.
Because of the beauty and sacredness of the temple, we strive to be there. Every step, every promise, every goal we make is to point us towards the temple and the rituals performed inside. We believe it requires preparation coupled with a readiness and willingness to live by the covenants made there. If you are born into the LDS church, you are taught this your whole life. If you are a convert to the church, you are told you must wait at least a year from baptism to further your ritual progression in the temple. This isn’t new, not really. Ezekiel (44:9) taught that no stranger, uncircumcised in heart (or flesh, but we’ve let that go) shall enter into the Lord’s sanctuary. Joseph Smith translated this for us in modern terms, telling us “no unclean [unworthy] thing shall be permitted” (D&C 109:20) to enter the temple.
And then how do we know that we are ready? How do we know that we are worthy?
Brigham Young, meticulous and literal man that he was, standardized this for us. He introduced the temple recommend, and in 1857, the temple recommend interview was born. It has changed a lot over the years, for the better I think. (Apparently there is no longer a need to ask if we are all washing our bodies on a regular basis. Although, we admittedly talk much more about our underwear choices.) Truth be told there are fewer, more general questions now. And I think that is a step in the right direction. Which is to say, a step back towards what Ezekiel said.
I’ve come to a place wherein I think there is very little the ecclesiastical leader needs to ask in the temple recommend interview. I accept these questions: “Are you worthy to enter the temple? Are you circumcised in heart? Is the Savior known to you?” If you can’t answer these questions, it is probably in your best interest to take a break from your temple attendance and question whether or not you really want to be there.
I can take or leave the rest of the questions as they are now… except the tithing question, which should straight up just be thrown out. Possibly the Word of Wisdom question as well, since that wasn’t actually meant to be a commandment (VERSE TWO, my friends. D&C 89, *verse 2*). But I digress… I don’t mind them as conversation pieces or rhetorical questions. I like the idea of the bishop reading through these standards of Mormon worthiness, and asking you to evaluate yourself and your spirituality. We’ve become lazy about directing our own spirituality when we base it entirely upon saying “yes” or “no” at the right promptings in a 10 minute interview. These questions should be insightful and thought provoking, not interrogative. And the point should be to edify, not to punish. It all too often becomes a checklist, like that of prized chattel. And the bishop or stake president becomes the inspector that lets you know where you’ve been found wanting and whether you can be kept around. And all too often, our lay clergymen inject their own standards into the interview process, and this can go horribly wrong.
What end do these questions serve? If a bishop decides a member is struggling with any one of those questions, how does it help that member to be kept from the temple?
God doesn’t need us to be clean. God doesn’t need us to be circumcised in heart. Christ doesn’t need us to know Him. But because we are unclean, and we are uncircumcised in heart, we need to know Him. God does not need us to wipe our feet on the mat outside the door of His House so that we don’t scuff up the place. He is much more inclined to invite us in, sit us down, and wash our feet for us.
Here’s the truth as I see it: If you struggle with your testimony of the Savior or any other aspect of the gospel, the best place to wrestle with these things is on sacred ground. Communion with the Lord in the place He has made most holy so that we could better understand Him and the gospel is why he made a place most holy at all. The whole reason was to give us access to Him, not the other way around.
I’ve thought about this a lot over the past few months as I’ve done my best to hang on to my relationship with the church white knuckle style. I’ve tried to frame it in a way that isn’t raw and personal. But, the truth is that it is raw and personal. My stake president has denied me that access to the Lord that we find only in the temple. He refused to renew my temple recommend, and took away my husband’s (who supports me), because I am an active, public supporter of Ordain Women, which he believes is a group working in opposition to the church. I don’t believe that is at all true, of course, but it seems like he can’t hear that. Is he so focused on punishing Ordain Women that he doesn’t actually know where my heart and mind are at? Taking away my recommend doesn’t make sense to me. He has told me repeatedly to pray about this issue until I can see the truth he sees, but then wouldn’t he want to send me to the temple? If my spirituality and understanding and testimony were his main concern, wouldn’t the appropriate advice be, “Sister Silverman, I think you should spend some time in the temple praying about these things!”
I admit that I am angry about this, but mostly I have so much more sorrow. I just want to go back to the temple. There is so much about the endowment and history and the inherent sexism that I struggle with there, but my most favorite place to be in the world is the celestial room. There I can sit with my husband, both of us dressed in the robes of the priesthood, and bask in the presence of our Heavenly Parents and Savior. I ache for it. It is where I need to be right now, as I sort out my faith in the gospel and my faith in the church. I simply cannot understand how it is good for me to be barred from the temple while I stand at the precipice of my faith, and I can’t be the first person who has felt this way. I think it might be time to rethink why we keep people from the Lord’s house, and to seriously evaluate if we are breaking their faith more than helping it.
The foot washing imagery/analogy you use here is both beautiful and thought-provoking. Thank you.
Thanks. i turned my temple recommend over to my bishop a week ago when he said, “I don’t see how you can go to the temple feeling as you do”. So I handed it over with no regrets. As my husband sat next to me surprised. I never read or heard about OW, as I was on a different faith crisis (better said as a faith growing-up) path (not until last few months did I know about OW).
I was screaming in my head that we all already have access to the priesthood power. No one needs to be ordained or have authority to use it. We all already have it. After these thoughts, as I sat in the Celestial room every other week for almost 2 years seeking answers to many of my life’s challenges. I would be the last to leave and it became my meditation spot (I did have issue with the endowment as my journey progress because I felt and saw that all of mankind already has access to God’s power without any laying on of hands, but that is just how I feel). I just saw I was my own creator with my own mind. My thinking and beliefs were how I exercised that power…called faith. The flood gates opened and the beauty of all religions and the simple truths that are really available to all are not found in any box. Shock, pain, grief, anger, betrayal, and frustration have been the result but I hope to feel and hopefully find a new way in the end. I really see only good from my path in the end. For the present just being where I am.
When I finally learned about OW, I was not sure what to think. I was just a baby with “thinking” for myself. Think! Think! Think! It is hard to use use parts of your brain for the first time after growing up so correlated. What do I think about OW???
Time has passed now and I to have grown and done lots of thinking. I don’t see my recommend coming back or a calling. My 5 kids are going to probably be surprised one day (or maybe not) as there will be a “coming out” of sorts that I can’t be correlated any longer. My temple is now on my Yoga Mat and in my heart. My mind is open and power is mine to hold. It is a lonely path right now and each day I feel a grieving process right now.
Thanks for reminding me that the temple was my first place I found answer and peace in the Celestial room. So grateful I discovered the temple within.
Sorry for your loss and continue to fight for all that you believe in. We must be a thinking, questioning, and discovering people…Joseph Smith would have wanted it that way (I hope).
I habe found that the beauty that can be found outside….in the mountains, by a river, in the trees, etc….far surpasses the beauty that can be found in the celestial room. I feel your pain that you have I. Effect been kicked out of a place you found peace, comfort, and beauty. My recommendation is to now go and find that same beauty, peace, and comfort outside….if there is a god then that God can be witnessed more out in the outdoors than anywhere else. I no longer believe in a god but there is something to be said about the calm experiences in the beautiful outdoors
Oh sister. I have the tears. I love you and your SP can take a flying leap. I know your heart and I know he’s wrong about his assumptions and his prejudices. So so so wrong.
I think Garrett is right. You need to find a place that substitutes for you. A place you can go alone and commune with the Lord.
Love you.
I’m sorry that you no longer hold an active recommend, but it honestly sounds like it’s for the best. You admit yourself that you find the endowment to be “sexist.” As such, I disagree that admittance to the temple–despite your feelings about that very temple you desire to enter– is the best way to work through these complicated issues. It sounds like Ordain Women is more important to you at the moment, so hopefully you can receive some good counsel and comfort there. Church Leadership has stated that the philosophies and world views of OW is apostasy and you say you disagree that this response comes from the Lord. If that’s so, they are the same leaders who oversee the temple; you could just as easily come to the conclusion that the temple is corrupt along with those who dedicated it and run it. If, on the other hand, the temple really IS a holy place to you, then I hope that you can one day return and I wish you the best of luck.
“Church Leadership has stated that the philosophies and world views of OW is apostasy”
I don’t think it’s at all clear that they have. I also don’t think it’s necessary for Leah (or anyone!) to accept every part of the temple as perfectly in line with God’s will in order to experience it as a holy place. I think it totally makes sense that she might want to go even if disagreeing with parts of it.
Yeah, it’s very obvious that OW’s views are considered apostasy at this point. I’m not sure why that information seems foreign, but so be it. This blogger’s problem isn’t just that she finds “a few parts” problematic. She has a problem with it’s history, with the interview, with the word of wisdom, with tithing, with her leaders, with the content of the endowment… And all of this comes from her blog here. It’s all well and good for her to ask “what if it was this way,” but unless she plans on starting her own church, it doesn’t work that way.
I don’t know about all that, Mark. It seems to me that once you start imposing all these requirements of belief for full participation in the church, you’re in the process of establishing creeds, something that this church is supposed to be getting away from.
“Creeds” in the traditional and (Roman Catholic) religious sense has absolutely nothing to do with the standards the Lord’s Church requires to enter the temple. You seem to be viewing it as a checklist. Or tickets to a show. “Do you have your tickets? No? Then you can’t enter.” It’s in preparation to make the most important covenants of your mortal life with the Lord. If you can’t take the small steps to show the Lord you’re committed, you are underprepared to, say, live the law of consecration. If you’re making a mental checklist of all the problems you have with the Lords Church and His temple, it makes sense that a temple recommend would be withheld. It’s not a punishment. it’s recognition that you aren’t ready for the important covenants and commitments made within the temple.
Great post Leah! It is both poignant and touching.
“He is much more inclined to invite us in, sit us down, and wash our feet for us.” This moved me to tears. Thank you for articulating so beautifully thoughts and feelings I’ve heard expressed elsewhere by many others. You are not alone.
I share your concerns about sexism within the temple scripts (and sexism in general throughout the church and the world) and, like you, for me, the temple is a place like no other on earth. I wish I had an answer to the problem of offering the temple to those who need it most – like you right now – while protecting the sacred space from those who would defile it with their uncircumcised hearts. I suppose the truth is, there are dishonest people everywhere and bishops or SPs don’t always discover this, so the interview doesn’t necessarily keep truly evil people out.
How much more tragic – that an open, honest person who shares her concerns, fears, and hopes about women’s roles in the kingdom is deprived entrance to this holy place. (By a man, no less, which may add insult to injury.) I am genuinely sad for your loss, Leah Marie. And I hope your local leaders will find a way to support you in your desire to be in the temple. God bless you, sis. Again, this is a remarkable and beautiful essay.
Great post, Leah. I’m so sorry about your SP denying you access to the temple unless you concede that he’s right about OW. Sadly, I think this illustrates that (at least for him), the control function of the temple recommend is more important than the connecting with God function of the temple. Which seems kind of absurd.
You’re missing the point. The temple is all about monitoring and control. How much tithing revenue would be lost if it weren’t for the temple recommend question about it!
Steve, I feel as you do but I think you have worked through other things on your faith journey than just the priesthood (i.e tithing, the history of the recommend process). I think there are many stages we go through and each of us is on the journey and must follow the path.
Sometimes it is just like an onion and we have more levels to pass but wherever leah’s journey leads is her path to take. I just think we must be empathetic where she is right now at this present moment. That is hard enough to be at this stage in her journey and not just be told to move on to new thinking. It will probably evolve in its own beautiful way but it is like the earth revolving around the son. The journey does not require any effort out of it’s natural path.
Leah, I agree with your friend. The outdoors can be every bit as spiritual as any temple can. The LDS church does not by any means have a monopoly on spirituality. I’ve had to learn this because the temple has long been a hard place for me to be. Sorry this happened to you. I really admire your strength in standing up for what you believe in!
Oddly, my experiences with the temple and recommend interviews have been mostly opposite of yours. The most recent time I went in for an interview, and was asked if I attended all my Sunday meetings I said no I didn’t. When asked if I would start attending all meetings I said that probably wasn’t going to happen. When asked if I was a full tithe payer, and I said no and had no intention of doing so… my bishop and stake president still felt it ok to sign the recommend, and didn’t find me “unworthy” overall.
My experiences in the temple, and the presented eternal roles of men and women, however, left me with the worst feeling ever. Every time I did a session, I never felt good at the end of it, or sitting in the celestial room. My first time in the temple is what changed me from a devoted, good little mormon boy without questions to somebody willing to open his eyes. I am happy that for many they find it a beautiful and peaceful place. It just always left me with an eerie, or creepy not right/something is off feeling.
Your truth is your truth….it’s unfair for anyone to tell you to change your truth. Then it’s no longer a truth…it’s a lie.
If we are all allowed to have our own truth, then the Church’s truth is the Church’s truth. It’s unfair for someone struggling with the Church to ask the Church change the truth just for them. Then it’s no longer the truth… It’s a lie.
Mark, what you say would be true if the temple were the house of the LDS church. But it’s not; it’s the House of The Lord. Yes, we built it. We built it for him. It no longer belongs to mere mortals… we are only its caretakers.
It is the Lord’s House. I and many others take that seriously. Seriously enough that I am willing to live the standards necessary to enter. It’s the pinnacle of the blessings I’ve received from the Lord in this life. We cannot ask the Lord to change the standards to enter His house. This isn’t a face value political issue, where we can ask the truths required to enter be changed because we don’t like them or because the standards of the world have changed and we feel the Lord needs to change with them. God will not be mocked.